Good-bye To All That
by Christine Leigh

Summary: William comes home.
Rating: PG
Category: V
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: All characters are the products of Chris
Carter.  They also belong to Ten-Thirteen Productions and the
Fox Network. No copyright infringement intended.
Archiving: If you would like to archive anywhere, I'd 
appreciate a quick note first.
Email: Feedback is always welcome, leighchristine@hotmail.com


It was time for dinner, but there was nothing in the house to
fix.  Mulder was going to have to get accustomed to grocery
shopping, a fact he'd yet to face.  He'd gotten lazy since having
her in his life, but in a good way.  And she'd not minded
shopping, whereas he'd only done it to survive.  He guessed
he'd better get himself back into gear.  He walked into the
living room where Will was pouring over an album of
pictures.  It was one that Scully had managed to bring from
home, and had hauled from place to place every time they
moved.  It was old, though, and didn't really have what the boy
wanted to see.  Which was Scully as she'd looked as an adult,
as his mother.  He looked up upon seeing Mulder standing
there.  Mulder could see it coming, the questions.  It was sort
of a game that they'd played ever since Will had arrived, but it
wasn't fun.  Not for Mulder.  He kept trying to hide that from
the boy.  He was smart, though, and Mulder knew he probably
wasn't succeeding.  How could he not answer him, though?
He'd want to know these things, too, if their positions were
reversed.

"She was pretty?"  Will asked this while looking at a picture
of a teenage Scully, who in Mulder's estimation had been very
pretty, but not yet what she would be.  Not a good question,
but he can't tell the boy that.  How to tell him that her beauty
was unmatched?  And not just to him.  He remembered how
he'd seen Skinner looking at her on occasion.  It had always
been fleeting, but unmistakable.  And even Frohike upon first
setting eyes on her had instantly known the difference between
her and the babes he ordinarily lusted after.

"She was pretty there, yes.  Later on, however, she was
stunningly beautiful, but not like the models and actresses you
see on magazine covers now.  More like Grace Kelly and
Ingrid Bergman."

"Who?"

"Well, they were actresses as it so happens, but from a very
long time ago.  She was as though from another era, in other
words."

"Oh."

Uh, oh. He'd better stop that talk.  Mulder knows that kids
seldom like hearing about pasts and people that they don't
know.

"I remember her voice."

Now Mulder would have to be careful.  Her voice.  Memories
of that are the most painful.  He'd had her voice inside him for
so long that he couldn't really distinguish it from his own.
Words would come out in his tones, but they might as well be
hers.

"She had a good voice.  It could make you listen, you know?"

"Did you listen?"

Had Mulder really thought this would get better as the days
passed?  Had he?

"I always listened to her.  From the very first time she spoke to
me.  That was a new thing for me.  I wasn't used to wanting to
hear anyone else.  She broke me of that habit."

"She was persuasive?"

The boy has an excellent vocabulary for an eight-year-old.
Mulder had observed that right away. He was grateful that life
on the farm hadn't been exclusive of good schooling.  Not that
it would be, but it was hard sometimes to shake the stereotype.
Will is articulate for his age.  Scully would have been so
proud of him.

"She was empathetic.  Which is to say that she was persuasive
naturally."

"Oh."

"Are you all right Will?"

He doesn't know what else to say or ask the boy.  Maybe
asking this will deflect the fact that he, himself, is far from all
right.  Will is like her.  He's intense, but not hard or
humorless.  He's a fantastic boy.

"What about dinner?  Are you hungry, Will?

"Yes."

"Pizza?  Or maybe spaghetti?  Pasta Forever was sure good
the other night."  Mulder hadn't eaten much besides the garlic
bread and a house salad, but Will had gone through his plate
of fettuccine with purpose.

"Pasta."

"Why don't you get washed up, then, and we'll go in a few
minutes."  Will got up, leaving the album opened.  Mulder
didn't want to look at it, but really couldn't help himself.  He
stared at the bright-eyed sixteen-year-old.  He'd often thought
that it would have been amazing to know her back then.  If he
had, though, it most likely would have meant that they
wouldn't have been together for life.  It was strange, how it is
rarely the first love that lasts.

This is as good as it gets for the two of them, for now.  One
day, Mulder hopes, it will be better.  But it will never be
enough.  Without Scully, they will never be what they should
be.  Father and son after too many years apart, and now
reunited, will always be wanting because the woman who
brought them to this place in life is gone.  Mulder knows that
he should be demonstrating his joy or something at having his
son back, but just now, all he can do is answer his questions in
the most perfunctory manner.  One day he will tell Will that
she loved him so much that she nearly lost her sanity; that she
regretted her decision; but that she knew he would someday
come back to them.  She knew so much.  But Mulder would
never stop wondering if she knew it would all happen too late
for her.  He knows that she would never have said a word to
him if she had, so he wanted to believe that her innate ability
to see things had faded toward the end.  He had to.  It was a
crutch, but it was necessary.  Life needed to go on, apparently.
She was pretty.  So very pretty.

*****

"She's pretty.  So pretty."  He was nearly shouting now.

Scully sat up.  This was the second time this week.  She laid a
hand on his shoulder.  He awoke.

"Mulder."  He was gasping.

"Mulder, it's me.  You're all right. We're all right."

He looked at her.  This new nightmare was a killer.  This was
the second time he'd had it.  It was far too real.

"Scully."  He sat up and pulled her into his arms.

"Was it the same one?"

"Yeah."  He tightened his embrace.  "I don't understand why
this is happening now, Scully."  He'd had nightmares galore
about losing her, but none in recent years.  Then three nights
ago this had happened.

"Mulder, don't you think that perhaps you're just on an
emotional overload?  I know I am.  It's been wonderful, but
the stress factor is still there.  We're new at this.  And for the
first time, there's no immediate threat of things changing.
We're all stuck with one another."

That made him smile.  Damn right they were stuck.  And they
were going to stay that way.  Getting Will back was a near-
miracle, and he wasn't going to take anything for granted
about it.  The four-year-old who was sleeping soundly in the
other bedroom was where he belonged and life was going to
be good.  Mulder was determined.  Before was gone; good-bye
to all that.

"Scully, something happened tonight when I tucked him in."
She waited in the dark, squeezing his hand.  He sounded
almost shy about whatever this 'something' was.

"I sat there for a minute while he dropped off to sleep, just
watching."  Mulder did this every night.  They would read a
page or two, and after that Will was usually about out.  "I got
up and started to leave, but then Will opened his eyes and said
something."  She guessed what it was, and started to tear up.

"What was it Mulder?"

"He said 'Thank you Daddy.'" Mulder's voice was thick.

"Mulder, were you thrilled?"

"Beyond belief, Scully.  I'm glad it happened in the dark.  I
don't know that he needed to see me cry on top of everything
else that's happened over the past few weeks.

"He's a strong little boy, Mulder.  That's one thing I've noticed
so far.  He's had to deal with a lot in such a short space of
time, and he seems to be handling it.  Now, if his parents just
don't dissolve into piles of emotional goo along the way, then I
think we'll make it.  No, I know we will."

"Scully, thank you."

"Mulder, just keep dreaming about a pretty woman, and lose
the rest, okay?"  She said this in an effort to lighten things a
little.

"Scully, have I ever told you how beautiful you were at
sixteen?"

"No."

"Well, you were.  Not quite the you of now, but you were
amazing."

"Gee, Mulder, I could have stood hearing that then.  Where
were you when I..."  She stopped before finishing the
expression.

"Hmmm?"

"Nothing, Mulder."  Now was when she needed him the most.
And he was here, thank God.

"Scully, he's really back with us."  How many nights had they
fallen asleep with those words on one or the other's lips?

"Yes, and he gets up early."  Mulder took the hint.

"Good-night, Scully."

"Good-night, Mulder."


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