Title: Friday (with profuse apologies to Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell)
Author: phantagrae
Category: Vignette, Humor
Rating: PG for implied kinkiness
Spoilers: Nary a one
Disclaimers: Not mine, etc.
Archive: If you really want to. Let me know.
Feedback: Yes, please. phantagrae@earthlink.net

Summary: Just another day on the job.
Author's Notes: Written for the Haven 500 Word Dialogue Challenge. Elements at the end.

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"Good morning, Merry Sunshine!"

"Cut it out. You know I have a headache."

"Not as much of a headache as this guy, I'd bet."

"He's dead. I doubt anything hurts him now."

"Except maybe that leather strap wrapped around his..."

"Please don't say it."

"You ought to check out the attic."

"Why don't you fill me in? Save me the climb up the stairs."

"He's got piles and piles of videos and magazines. A whole personal playground of porno."

"How alliterative of you."

"I try. It's the little things that make life special."

"So, why were we called in on this case? Is it an X-File?"


"Do we have a cause of death?"

"Autoerotic asphyxiation?"

"I think you're projecting..."

"Cut it out."

"Well, what have we here?"

"Ooh, please don't tell me..."

"Getting squeamish in your old age?"

"It's a guy thing. Injuries involving that area are just, too...too..."

"I get it. You may want to avert your eyes."

"Tell me when it's over."

"You ought to congratulate me, Mulder. I think I just found the cause of death."

"Congratulations. Can I turn around now?"

"Yeah. I guess I'll have them wrap the body up and I'll go get started."

"You won't mind if I just wait for your official report, will you?"

"I'll be sure and include pictures."

"I'm going to check out the rest of his belongings."

"Looking for more porno?"

"Actually, this guy has lots of textbooks and reference books."

"Well, a lot of academic types are into the kinky stuff. Present company..."

"Didn't you have a headache or something?"

"I'm feeling much better now."

"Oh, here's something interesting. 'The History of the Bermuda..."




"Now that would be an X-File."

"I'd pay real money to see you in Bermuda..."

"Triangle? You already did."


"Now that would be an X-File."

"Okay, so what's the book about?"

"Onions. 'The History of the Bermuda Onion', by Ernest Mortensen."

"That's interesting? How does it pertain to the case?"

"Did I say it pertained to the case?"

"Well, I thought..."

"Too much thinking can get you into trouble, Scully."

"So, the book..."

"Reminded me that I'm ready for lunch."

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Challenge Elements
500 Words or less
All Dialogue
Must include the following words:
Bermuda onions