Full Circle (3/3)
by charvill

Email: charityharvill@yahoo.com
Spoilers: This is set post-IWTB so anything is fair game
Type: MSR, angst
Summary: Jerse is back


I kept glancing at the man beside me, my subconscious (the one
that, today, had decided to take on Mulder's voice) yelling---no,
make that pleading and begging at a rather loud volume---at me to
rethink what I was doing, turn around, go inside my mother's house
and lock all the doors and windows. But there was something calm
about his demeanor that was slightly different than the last time I'd
seen him. No, not calm, but more like...resigned. The brightly lit
parking lot, full of cars with potential witnesses dining inside, was
my signal to pull in. 

"No crummy little bar this time, huh?"

The ouroboros on my lower back tingled as his words brought me
back to that night and my mouth twisted into a half smile that never
reached my eyes. Like I said, it had been one of the worst months
of my life; I was a completely different person now. "No," I sighed,
unbuckling my seatbelt and looking at the entrance with the giant
red chili pepper over the door. "This will do just fine, I think." 

He smartly kept a safe distance from me as we entered the
restaurant and sat ourselves at one of the booths on the bar side. A
waiter immediately came up and we both just got a glass of water
and an order of mozzarella sticks. When I managed to look at him
finally, realizing I had no reason to bow my head submissively for I
had done nothing wrong here, I was able to see what had attracted
me to him all those years ago. Tall and lean but muscular just the
same with dark hair, strong jaw line, and bright eyes that held just a
hint of mischievous; he was the side of Mulder I had not allowed
myself to appreciate.

"So, Dana...how have you been?"

"Um," I laughed nervously, "I've been okay, I suppose. A lot's
happened in ten years." Understatement of the century. 

"I imagine so. So, apparently, you and your partner?" he paused
looking at me questioningly and I nodded for him to continue. "You
two managed to work things out after..."

"After you tried to kill me." I stated, holding nothing back as I
glared at him across the table.

He sighed heavily and pushed away from the table to recline back
into the padded seat. "I mean no offense when I say that you don't
look as if you've aged at all." An unwanted flush began rising from
my chest. "Trust me, I've seen you in my mind every day for the last
ten years. The Dana in my head has nothing on the woman sitting in
front of me now."

"Thanks. But if this is what you had to tell me then I should
probably drive us back now."

"No, that's not why I needed to talk to you." He reached across the
table to grab my hand and I immediately pulled away. "I wanted to
apologize. And not just for knocking you unconscious..." My
interest peaked as he lifted his eyes to meet mine. "Do you
remember the night before?"

Oh. All I could manage was a nod. 

"I was in a rotten place. Losing my family to another man because I
couldn't provide the love and financial stability they needed, losing
my job, and then going to that awful tattoo parlor...and finding you
there. You were so small, but fearless. I could see that immediately
with the way you held yourself as you walked around the roughest
part of Philadelphia. I was drawn to you, Dana. And then...after we
got back from the bar---"

"Ed..." I didn't know if I could deal with hearing this part. Funny
how this was harder to swallow than the idea of him wanting to kill me.

He held a hand up. "Just, hear me out. That's all I ask."

I nodded again and released a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

His voice as he spoke now was low, almost seductive. "I wanted to
apologize for forcing myself on you. Your words that night have
burned a hole in my brain and I can't seem to get past how brutally
I treated you."

Tears that I had been hopelessly wishing away finally escaped
down my cheeks at the memory *Ed, please, we've both had
too much to drink and I don't feel comfortable with this...I
don't want this, Ed! Please, this is just another mistake you and
I will both regret tomorrow;* I swiped at them praying no one
walking by would notice. "What made you finally hear me?"

"Your eyes. They weren't terrified or frightened like any normal
person might have been after the way I'd torn---" He shook his
head as if he were trying to shake the memory loose. "Instead, they
were patient and...I don't know. But it was like someone had
thrown a bucket of cold water on me and I could see clearly again."

He looked down again, and I had no idea what to say now. Part of
me wanted to crawl under the table to avoid hearing anything else
he might have to say, while the other part of me craved the closure
this pain was bringing. 

The waiter set our basket of fried cheese on the table and quickly
refilled our glasses before disappearing, obviously sensing the
tension between his two customers. Ed's hands wrapped around
mine where they cupped my glass on the table, the condensation
dripping over and through our fingers. "Dana, I would never ask
you to try and forget what happened. But do you think it's possible
you might one day be able to forgive me?"

I laughed in disbelief, but the sincerity I saw in his face made me
think about his plea. "Maybe one day, but I still can't get away from
how you found me today. And the other night at O'Toole's? Was
that a coincidence or...?"

"I've been trying to find you since I was released, but it wasn't easy.
I started in DC, remembering that's where you lived before, but
when I tried to look you up at the FBI, I hit a dead end. It wasn't
until you moved to Baltimore from..." He waited for me to supply
this information, but when I remained silent he continued. "Well,
wherever you were, that I got a trace on you. I googled your name
one night about a month ago and saw that you were working at
Union Memorial, and so I searched for days until I found you
working in Pediatrics." Releasing my hands, he leaned away from
me to signal an end to his disturbing tale.

"So...you've been following me for a month? Why did you wait so
long to show yourself?" My skin was crawling at the idea of him
waiting for me all those days, watching me without my knowledge.

His head thrown back in laughter he answered, "I was terrified! Do
you have any idea the kind of intimidation you possess with just
your presence?" My cheeks grew hot again. "And then," his eyes
grew darker, "*He* was nearly always with you when you weren't
at work. And, seeing the exhaustion on your face and in your
posture as you left work each day---I knew that if I chose to
approach you while you were like that, it would only serve to scare
you. But, I was sick of waiting any longer and last night when I saw
him slip out of your booth, I saw an opportunity. And, when he
interrupted something I'd waited ten years for...."

"You chose to assault him."

"Not the brightest thing I've ever done, I'll admit. And, I was sure
you'd never agree to see me tonight which is why I blocked you
in...looking back that definitely wasn't a smart move, either." The
slight drawl and honey-coated sound of his voice as he poked fun
at his own insanity was slightly comforting. Was I really feeling
more at ease with someone who had nearly raped, let alone kill,
me? I was losing my mind.

He was looking down at my hand now and I flinched when I
realized his purpose. "You two never married?"

"No."

"But you two are..."

"Not that it's your business, but yes---we have been in a
relationship for quite some time."

"Did you finally tell him after what happened with me?"

I shook me head. "Some distractions got in the way." Yeah, cancer,
infertility, my daughter's death, an old flame coming back into his
life...some might consider those distracting. 

"Well, it looks like you eventually got past those." His shy smile was
catching and I found myself grinning back at him.

The waiter, cleared his throat---seeming afraid to catch us off guard
for fear of more tears---before clearing our dishes (I didn't even
remember touching the greasy food but it was gone, nevertheless)
and leaving us with a check. "I got it," he said, fumbling for his wallet.

"Ed..."

"Dana, please its like seven bucks. It's the least I can do for you
taking such a huge risk tonight by hearing me out." 

I stood and reached back toward the boothe to grab my purse
when suddenly the heat from his body was close enough to warm
mine. Straightening up so that our faces were less than a foot apart,
he leaned down and spoke in a whisper. "You saved my life that
day in the tattoo parlor. I just couldn't live with the idea that I might
have ruined yours. Thank you for letting me see you." And, with
that, he put a hand on my shoulder and guided me out into the night.

"Don't you two make a cute couple?" The bitter sarcasm of his
voice stopped me dead in my tracks, causing Ed to stumble as my
abrupt stillness forced him to let go of me. 

"Mulder?" A range of emotions coursed through me: relief to see
him after his mysterious disappearance this morning, panic at the
way he was misconstruing the situation, anger at the way he'd
abandoned me, terror that he might leave before I got a chance to
explain. "What are you doing here?"

He pushed himself from where he'd been leaning against my car.
"Well, I got a text from your mom, a little more than an hour ago,
saying that you had driven off with a stranger who looked
dangerous and had made you appear anxious and nervous in front
of her, so- --after I text you with no response back---I raced over
to her house and started following the direction she said you went. I
ended up here about 5 minutes ago."

"I never got any text." I reached into my jacket and pulled out the
phone and sure enough there were four texts. One from my mom to
warn me about Mulder and three from Mulder. I looked at the
volume and it was turned all the way up. The left side of the screen
caught my attention. I was only getting two bars standing outside
which meant I must not have had any inside. Dammit! 

"Look, Dana, I think I'll call a cab to take me home, and I'll come
pick up my truck another time."

Mulder's head snapped violently as his focus turned from me to Ed.
"If you so much as step foot *near* that street again, I will have
you arrested for violating parole." He had moved within two arm's
length of him as he hissed, "Your parole officer was not too pleased
to hear you had been stalking a former victim across state lines
today. Your truck's already been impounded."

Ed didn't back away; instead he turned to face me dismissing
Mulder with his body language. "He's right. I have to get back to
Pennsylvania, but I'm okay with that now. Thank you, Dana." I
looked up at him as he pushed the hair out of my face before
running the back of his hand from my temple to my neck.

"DON'T TOUCH HER!" Mulder roared as he slammed into Ed
causing them to tumble onto the gravelly concrete. Watching
Mulder's jealous and protective side come out sent an adolescent
thrill through me. They quickly found their feet as the restaurant's
hosts and hostesses rushed out to see what the commotion was.
"Do you hear me, Jerse? If you ever come near her again, it will be
the last thing you ever do!" 

Ed tilted his head slightly in Mulder's direction as he stalked away
to find a place where he could call a cab. 

"C'mon Scully, let's go," he ordered, grabbing my arm again and
roughly pulling me to my car. 

"Where's your car?"

"Your mom drove me here and then left once I realized...you were
relatively safe." The last part he said through clenched teeth. 

"I'm sorry she worried you for no reason."

He whirled me around to face him then. "No reason?" he fumed.
"That was Ed-fucking-Jerse, Scully! The man who tried to burn you
alive! And now, what? You're telling me that I shouldn't have been
worried that you were *alone* with him?" 

"What was worse for you, Mulder?" I spat. "Thinking I might be in
danger or seeing that I was perfectly fine when you found us?"

His night darkened eyes were menacing as he raised himself to full
height over me as he always did when he wanted to intimidate; but I
reacted the way *I* always did by jutting out my chin and stepping
even closer. "Your mother is waiting up for us and it's after 9
already." Then, he ran away again.

The ten-minute trip to my mother's was a silent one and I was glad
for it. We both had a habit of saying things we regret in tense
situations. But, also, the Ed Jerse file had been closed firmly when I
was diagnosed with cancer and it had never been reopened. The
feelings from that time were now as fresh and raw as they'd been
that day in the basement. It was the most petty, juvenile thing in the
world for him to be upset over this, but I wasn't exactly trying to
make it better with my antagonizing remarks. 

I explained to my mother that I was fine and that it was a false
alarm. She looked utterly devastated at the body language between
us; Mulder sulked in an armchair across the room while I sat with
my mom on the couch. The apology was there in her eyes even
though I knew she wouldn't risk upsetting things more by vocalizing.
He didn't need to know that I told her specifically NOT to call
anyone; that everything was okay.

Sighing, I grabbed my keys and headed to the door as Mulder
followed, but kept his distance. Without so much as a word, I
watched as he hurried off to his car, got in, slammed the door shut,
and drove away. 

This was ridiculous! Determined to beat him to the house so I could
stop him before he sentenced himself to another night on the couch,
I tried my damndest to beat him home but everytime I moved to
pass him, he sped up! I rifled through my purse with one hand, as I
attempted to maneuver, looking for my cell so that I could try to
reason with him on the phone, but never found it. Finally, we
arrived at the house and I watched with defeat as he got out of his
car. But, instead of sprinting to the door to escape me like I thought
he would, he stood in front of my parking spot---waiting for me.

"Not everything is about me."

I slowly approached the front of my car where he stood---hands in
pockets. "Mulder?"

"Tell me, Scully." His voice was barely louder than a whisper but so
full of hurt that it rang loudly in my head.

"What is it exactly you want to know?"

He turned his head to meet my eyes, and the sadness I could see
behind them, green with gold flecks from the soft yellow flourescent
bulb that lit the garage, made me want to look away; but his burden
was mine---so the least I could do was look him in the eye.

"Tell me what this---you *agreeing* to go with him tonight---was
really about."

"Closure," I sighed. "I know it was stupid---" He snorted in disgust
at my banal description. "But he said he wanted to explain,
and...well, I needed to know why."

"And did you get what you needed?"

"Yes." I hadn't even realized how true my answer was until I heard
myself say it.

He looked at the floor then, toeing a grease puddle with his shoe as
he processed this. Then he turned to look at me again. "So,
wouldn't it be only fair if I got some closure, too?"

My eyes widened in disbelief. Was he really choosing to face this
head on? "I suppose so, yes."

"Did I truly have nothing to do with Philadelphia?"

"Mulder..."

"Closure, Scully. That's all I'm asking."

I could feel the tips of ears burning as my heart accelerated, a cold
sweat breaking out across my hairline. "No, Mulder."

His brow furrowed. "You mean 'no' as in I had nothing to do with it
or 'no' as in I did?"

"I mean 'no' as in a tiny part of it was about you!"

"Do you mind clarifying which part?"

"Mulder, please. It was so long ago! Why do you need me to
rehash this?" I turned to flee---not wanting to have our relationship
break apart because of a wound that had healed improperly---but
he grabbed me by the shoulders before I could get away.

"The same reason you risked your life with a lunatic. I need to
know why!"

"Because! Because I was always trying to catch up with you.
Because I needed to feel admired, and you..." I stopped myself,
even as my voice trembled and rose, before the words came out in
the present tense. This was a decade ago, I reminded myself.
Those feelings are gone now. "I felt like I would never have your
respect as an equal...or as a woman."

His hands fell away then and I instantly regretted my confession.
"Mulder, I'm sorry---"

"No, Scully," he said with a half-hearted attempt at a smile that
came out more like a grimace. "I asked for the truth and you gave it
to me. I think maybe I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"For what, Mulder?" I asked, though at that point I cared very little
what his answer was; the damage seemed to have already been done.

"For being so wrapped up...back then," he added with an intent
glance at me. "For making the most important person in my world
feel anything but adored."

"Mulder, that was a different time in both our lives. I know now
how you feel and that's all that matters."

"Is it?"

The accusatory tone of his question caught me off-guard and I
waited, knowing there was something more behind it that I couldn't
see yet.

"If the here and now is all that matters, then why did you feel the
need to trust him?"

"I...I don't know."

He nodded and when he looked at me again I felt all the air leave
my lungs like I'd been punched in the stomach. There were tears in
his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Scully," he whispered before pulling me into
a fierce hug.

"I'm sorry, too, Mulder."

We stood there for what seemed like hours as we held each other
before he finally pulled away. I blinked several times to clear the
tears from my eyes and wiped their residue from my cheeks.

"Scully." His eyes were wide with what seemed like terror as he
spoke my name. Before I could ask what was wrong, he fell to his knees.

"Mulder!" I immediately dropped down beside him but he pushed
me away from himself, not letting me see where he was hurt.

"Just give me some room...please," he cried and his voice broke on
the last word. 

I quickly stood and took a step back from him, trying to assess the
damage from afar, when I saw it. My stomach dropped into my
shoes as he steadied himself on one knee and held the tiny black
velvet box in front of him.

"This wasn't exactly how I pictured it happening when I started
planning," he teased, a huge grin breaking out on his face despite
the tears that still streamed down his cheeks, "but I've always been
good at improvising."

"Mulder---"

"Scully, it's not often that a man crouches into grease and says
things so corny it makes even his own skin crawl, so please just let
me finish, okay?"

I nodded, the muscles on my face protesting as my smile stretched
them to new lengths. 

"Fifteen years ago, you came to my hotel room late one, rainy night
and shocked the hell out of me. I'll be honest, from the second they
told me I was getting a new partner, I was determined to make
your life as miserable as possible. To do whatever it took so that
you would run away screaming, making the powers that be think
twice about assigning another agent to the X-Files. But from the
first moment you walked into that basement, you never backed
down. And then, that night when you showed up in your robe and
asked me to examine you in your underwear, I saw the trust you'd
placed in me and was blown away. 

"It wasn't until the first time they closed the X-Files that I realized
just how interwoven my life had become with yours. I hadn't felt the
pain of separation like that since I'd lost Sam. I tried to convince
myself that I didn't need you...and then They took you." 

I watched the pain flash across his face, mirroring my own as I
relived that horrible time with him. I wanted so badly to wrap my
arms around him, but he held a hand up, silently asking me to let
him continue.

"After you were returned and reinstated as my partner, I made a
vow to never let them use you as a tool against me. So I distanced
myself. But, every day it was harder and harder to keep up the
professional wall I built between us. And, then...the onslaught
began. Everything that happened over the next six years proved
only to make the love I felt for you a thousand times stronger. The
kiss at midnight was the straw that broke the camel's back."

*Well, the world didn't end.* I laughed quietly as I remembered
the simple words he uttered before we went back to my apartment
to "officially" start the new year. 

"I told you it was going to be cheesy, Scully. Laughing doesn't
really help me here."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I went off to Oregon prepared to propose when I
returned, but then...well, you know."

"Yes," I sighed.

"Fast forward seven or eight years and here we are. Together, but
still not where we should be. I know that part of you probably
thinks I'm only doing this as a knee-jerk reaction to what you said
last night. And I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that's not true."

My eyebrows raised as I wondered where this was heading.

"Seeing Jerse made me realize that even though you and I know the
depth of our commitment to each other, it is important that others
know that we are a family." He opened the box to reveal a small
square-cut solitaire diamond on a white-gold band. "I want you to
be my wife, Scully." His grin seemed to span from ear to ear as he
looked up at me. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes," I managed to choke out as the tears began anew. 

He hopped up and scooped me into a fierce bear-hug, crushing my
lips with his. Finally, he set me on my feet and reached for my left-
hand, sliding the ring onto the proper finger. I gawked at the
impossibility of it, sitting there sparkling at me. 

"C'mon," he said and pulled me through the entry to our house from
the garage, punching the button to close the massive door at the
same time. "I want to see how it looks from the bedroom." 

I walked quickly to catch up with Mulder when my foot slipped on
something on the hardwood floor. I bent down in the pitch black
hallway to examine what had nearly caused my fall when I felt
something soft and silky beneath my fingers. I picked it up, rubbing
the silky rose petal between my thumb and forefinger. Looking
down the hall to the top of the stairs, I saw Mulder waiting with a
sheepish grin on his face. 

Suddenly, everything clicked: Mulder's disappearance this morning,
the unanswered calls and texts, my mother's lack of interest in
Mulder's whereabouts.

"Like I said, that proposal didn't go down exactly as I planned." 

I smiled to myself and carefully stashed the petal into my jacket
pocket before heading up the stairs to take his hand. 

My life had finally come full circle. 



THE END