The Lambs: Part 3 (11/11) by Lamia (AKA so kiss me goodbye) Rating: PG-13 (violence, strong language) Category: S Spoilers: Seasons 1-9, Fight the Future Keywords: William; Colonization Summary: Liam van de Kamp's life changes the day two FBI agents kidnap him and his parents. Chapter 42 December 22, 2012 New Mexico "Do you think anyone will notice?" Mulder pursed his lips. "Notice the large crater you're about to fall in if you're not careful? Someone will stumble across it eventually." "You could fit, what - six, maybe seven - swimming pools down there?" The desert was short on points of reference and Liam didn't know if he could trust his own estimate. It was a decent hole. Much bigger than the ship itself. "What do you think, girl?" Sal sat on her haunches, giving him her wolfish grin, which as usual told him she was laughing at him. Mulder gave the question serious consideration, hands plunged in the pockets of his thick coat. "We're not talking about Olympic-sized pools." It was crazy cold to be talking about swimming pools. Liam blew air to watch the vapor form. The cold still hadn't got to him - Mulder had offered him the coat but he turned it down. At some point someone was going to figure out something weird was going on. What would he tell them? "No, no. Just your backyard variety." "Six, easily. Maybe you should wait until the rains come to fill it up before getting too close. I don't want your mom yelling at me." Liam laughed, then checked over his shoulder. His parents and Dr Scully were still sitting. You'd think they'd stand up. The earth was crunchy with frost underfoot. Their conversation had been choppy and full of long pauses, like no one knew quite what to say yet. When the volume of the conversation started creeping up, Liam had moved away. Mulder had followed him. The crater drew them. "When you say my 'mom' who do you really mean?" "I mean your mom. The woman who makes you brush your teeth after every meal and say your prayers every night." "Not anymore, she doesn't." "She has you well trained." The force of the ship rising had dislodged soil and rocks, and sprinkled them over the ground. For someone who cared so much about the land, Jeremiah had left a mess. No more cave to explore. Liam toed a stone, picked it up and tried chucking it across the gaping mouth of the hole. "Do you ever think of yourself as my dad and Dr - Scully - as my mom?" "You heard about that, huh?" "I sort of noticed it recently. I'm - I'm okay with it, in case you're wondering." "That's a relief. You'd have a hard time getting a refund on that DNA." They watched Liam's second shot fall well short. It sent up a plume of dust when it hit the bottom. "I don't know - it seems faulty - can I return it?" "Faulty?" Mulder elbowed him playfully and threw his own stone. It cleared the hole. "I can't vouch for the Scully side of things, but the Mulder pedigree is above reproach - so long as you don't dig too deeply." On the other side, a chunk of dirt broke from the top and slid down. Sal barked and Mulder stepped back, tugging Liam back with him. No place around the edge was stable. "If you're really asking do I wish things could have been different ... " "You don't have to answer," Liam said. "I think I know." Behind him, voices started rising again. When he had wandered away, Dr Scully had been struggling to explain why she had kept secrets. She had thrown him a stricken glance, and he had understood his presence upset her. They seemed more calm without him there. At least, they *had*. It was time to run interference - and let them know their period of grace was up. He spun around to confront them. "You're not all going to start yelling again, are you?" The effect was immediate: Dr Scully closed her mouth; Marie looked away; Harry scraped a stick in the dirt. Only Mulder kept his eyes on Liam. Liam dropped his gaze, shy about letting them know his feelings. "I don't want you to yell." Nobody apologized, but Marie pushed herself up and brushed off her pants. She approached the crater yawning. The others followed. "You know the first thing I'm going to get when I reach civilization? A decent cup of coffee." Dr Scully groaned. "Yes, please." Coffee? At a time like this? Marie rubbed her gloveless hands. "Rudi was a strange young man," she said, staring into the pit. "We owe him a debt of gratitude we may never have the chance to pay. Gibson, too." The name came out reluctantly. "What do you think he truly hoped to achieve?" Dr Scully found her own space and peered into the crater. "I don't know what Gibson wanted - he didn't see things the same way the rest of us do. I know he wanted to help." "He used Liam. He put him in danger." Dr Scully shivered, drawing her hands into her sleeves and crossing her arms. "Gibson is the reason you have Liam." Marie gave her an appraising look. "I needed a way to protect my son. Gibson suggested adoption. He was the only person who could help me do it." Marie did the calculations in her head. "But that was ten years ago ... he wouldn't have been more than thirteen or fourteen at the time. Not much more than a child himself." Dr Scully squeezed her eyes shut. "Did Gibson ever get to be a child?" "Did *you* ever give him a chance?" A shadow passed over Dr Scully. "So much happened after William - Liam's - birth. Mulder was warned to leave or risk his own life - and ours. We took that warning seriously." Liam tried to guess how this might relate to Gibson and his actions. Marie was beyond guessing. "Talk to me, Dana. Help me understand it." Dr Scully turned on the spot. They were all standing around the crater now, stamping their feet, and shuffling to ward off the morning chill. "I never understood how much I wanted a child until I was told I could never bear one. I was abducted once, not long after I started working with Mulder. When I was found - weeks later - it was clear testing of some sort had been done on me. Later I learned other women with similar experiences were dying of cancer. My cancer was treated - but as a result of my abduction, I couldn't have children. Fate played a strange hand. Not long after learning this, a case I was working brought me in contact with a child who was my genetic match. She had been created using my ova. Emily was orphaned and I sued for adoption. I didn't get it but that didn't matter. Emily didn't survive. When I was ready, I decided to try fertility treatments. When they didn't work, I buried my longing. William was a miracle and a surprise - and one I *had* to have serious concerns over. In my line of work, not asking questions would have been foolish. Yet, the chance was there. The chance he was just ours. "It should have been the happiest time of my life, but it was also a nightmare. The day I learned I was pregnant, Mulder vanished. He was found dead three months later. "But -" "Dead, as in I buried him." Liam waited for his mother to scoff. Pain rippled over her face, but she didn't look away. She had come a long way. "He'd been in the grave for another three months before we worked out that he wasn't truly dead and he'd been infected with the supersoldier virus. "I'll never be able to explain what getting him back was like. But we careen from one catastrophe to another - and we weren't out of the woods. Not by a long shot. "During my pregnancy they had been keeping tabs on us. By the time we realised to what extent, it was all but too late to make better plans. "Liam was born in a small town in Georgia - Doggett's home town. I was at my due date and we had just discovered the supersoldiers had reached a new phase in their development. Until then, men had been creating human supersoldiers in a lab - but then we learned a dormant virus in some abductees was transforming them into supersoldiers. "These supersoldiers were created with one purpose. I don't know what was left of their minds after the transformation - not much as far as I could see. Mulder, Skinner, Doggett - they all thought I'd be safe in Doggett's home town, so that's where they sent me. Doggett's friend, Monica, drove me. But these newly created supersoldiers knew. Maybe it was the chip in my neck. Maybe it was William - we don't know. Then he was born and I thought they were going to take him from me. But they didn't. We led ourselves to believe that Liam was not what the aliens had expected, and that they were no longer interested in him. But that was wrong - although the Grays never did anything, there were other groups - men. "We learned Mulder's life was threatened. William was just days old when Mulder left promising to do everything he could to get back to us. He wouldn't tell me where he was going or what he might be planning. It was too dangerous for me to know. We had limited ways of communicating, and eventually even they dried up. "There was no way to tell him about attempts on William's life, about the abductions. Or ... other things." She couldn't hide the vagueness, but no one asked for more explanation. Mulder had made no effort to interrupt or add to her story. Instead, he'd edged closer to her, as if he was readying himself in case she fell. "It became harder and harder to cling to the belief he was totally all mine and not the result of some experiment. "I still think Mulder had it right." She held Mulder's gaze for a moment. "Liam was *not* what they were expecting. Regardless, I had no way of telling him what was happening to us. "I didn't know it, but Mulder was hiding in the desert with Gibson - and Gibson had ways of keeping track of me. He knew I was worried." She stopped and appeared to be considering her next statement. "A man broke into my house and injected Liam with a solution. That man turned out to be an unlikely savior. Unusual abilities had begun to manifest in Liam - including the ability for supersoldiers to find him. The solution masked those abilities. "When Gibson learned this, he spied his chance." Harry reached for Marie, listening transfixed as Scully revealed a truth Liam was beginning to understand. "Several years earlier Mulder and I helped a woman who had some particular talents. Gibson was able to reach out to Esther, and she agreed to help us. She gave us the ability to communicate, but to limit the risk of exposing her, she was only to be contacted in dire situations. "With her help, we were able to arrange the adoption. I never knew who or where you were. I put my trust in a young boy and a woman I barely knew. I didn't give myself time to second guess my decision. "William wasn't safe with me. But with his abilities taken from him, and away from me, he might have a chance. "For the longest time, I - I never knew if I'd made the right decision." Dr Scully tipped her head back to look into the sky. "Then I saw him with you that first day - he looked like a grimy, happy kid. You have no idea how much gratitude and relief I had. "But when I saw him with you it hurt too. It hurt so much." Mulder seemed poised to close the gap between them, but she held him off with a small movement and looked at Marie and Harry directly. "I wanted to protect him. To protect you. I'm sorry. About everything." Her heart was as healed as Liam could make it - she stood bravely - but the memory of the pain of heartache would take a long time to fade. It might never fade. "Dana, you gave William up" - Marie took a step forward and reached for Dr Scully's hand - "that doesn't mean you gave up being his mother." -o0o- They were all talked out as they trekked back to Mulder's truck. There was no reason to wait around. There was no reason to be in the desert anymore. It wasn't until they got to the vehicle (which was so layered in mud its insignia was buried) that Liam thought to ask about it or how his parents had come to be at the shelter in time to intercept Jeremiah. "How did you know where to find me?" His dad pulled open a back door. "Rudi said the artifact was telling him where to go. And Sal went crazy, running around until we followed him." Rudi was a question for another day. They climbed in the vehicle, Sal squeezing in between Marie and Liam. Mulder turned over the engine, letting it idle as he looked right, then left, then right again. "The Jurassic era had a faster lifespan, Mulder," Dr Scully said from the front passenger seat. Mulder tapped the steering wheel, then dug about in a pocket and pulled out his phone. He flipped it opened, checked it. After putting it away he resumed tapping. Without warning, he said, "Anyone else sick of running?" Harry scanned the horizon. "Tell me again why we aren't hightailing it out of here?" "Skinner just texted." "I'm guessing that means the authorities have arrived?" "Emergency services, military - and an agent with a presidential mandate who has made contact with Skinner." Marie stopped, seatbelt extended in her hand. "An agent. What sort of agent?" "The covert kind. I guess Gibson would say it's all about not showing your hand too quickly, picking your moment - sorry -" Mulder turned to see the irritation in Marie's face. "Not knowing who to trust has always been our weakness. That changed when we found a source who was able to infiltrate any and every digital and analog network." Even now Esther's name was to be avoided. "A resistance has been building in Government ranks. It hasn't been easy and it's taken a lot of work. It started at the top, but they've had to wait for a time to act." "Wait - a resistance? The whole time we've been here? And *now* they show up?" Harry said. Even Marie was shocked. "Doesn't that seem ... convenient?" Why hadn't anyone come to help them until now? Liam listened in confusion. If they had had help ... Liam's hands curled into fists. His dad was angry too. "This resistance - are you saying we can trust them? Doesn't that go against your personal credo?" "Trust them or not, we're stuck with a not insignificant problem." Harry van de Kamp was quick to catch on. "The supersoldiers." "Yeah." "And anyone of them could ..." Harry sighed. "Keeping Liam secret isn't going to be possible, is it?" "We'd have to kill every last supersoldier." Harry sank back into his seat. He rubbed his temple as if his thoughts were giving him pain. "What's to stop the supersoldiers turning on us?" "They could try - but they're not acting for anyone else anymore. If anything, they're back to being human. With a few enhancements. And they aren't entirely without weakness, so whatever they do, they'll have to be careful. Doggett risked his life for us. There'll be others like him." "But not all of them." "That's possible." Marie cast a fearful look over her shoulder at the empty desert. They were still alone but for how much longer? "Is that why Doggett and the other supersoldiers have stayed put? They expect protection?" "They'll strike a deal," Mulder said. "They should have plenty of room to negotiate -" Harry cut in. "Negotiate? With the same people who got us into this mess in the first place? Are you sure you're you, Mulder? You've been telling me for more than a year not to trust anyone." Mulder pressed back into his headrest. "My whole life has been the punchline in a cosmic farce." "And you think we should negotiate? You want us to make a deal with the same government that conspired with aliens against the American public. The same government that subjected humans to horrific testing, that persecuted you and drove you underground?" "Not *the same* government exactly - I'm finding this as novel as you are." Mulder twisted in his seat to look at them. "We could leave. You could take Liam back to the farm and pretend this never happened - but can you tell me you won't live in fear? You'll always be wondering about the next person who turns up on your doorstep. Scared of the next thing coming over the hill - that's no way to live." Could they really go back home? Was it really possible? Mr de Rosier had thought so - but then that had probably proven fatal for him if Mulder's ghost friends were to be believed. Liam had freed himself of the supersoldiers (or freed the supersoldiers from him), hadn't he? In his heart he knew it wasn't as simple as that. *All I have to do is let them in and they're mine again. But no one else knows that, do they? And what if the Grays did make me? What if they programmed me to do things I don't know yet?* The void around him vanished and Liam shook with instant shivers. Sal pressed into him to share her warmth. He hugged her hoping no one would notice and the heater would kick in soon. "If we make a deal, they'll want something in return. What if we don't agree? What if it involves using our son for their own purposes?" Harry asked. Marie put her arm around Liam, drawing him to her. "How do we know we can trust these people?" "We don't. Esther hasn't put us wrong so far, but who knows what may change in the future?" Mulder's head shook. "This is your decision to make - Liam is your son." Unexpected bitterness crept into his voice. Liam stared at the console where Mulder throttled the gearshift, little fingers poking through from Dr Scully's sleeve grazing his hand. Harry looked at Marie and silent agreement passed between them. "Help us make the right decision," Harry said. "We know what you've done for us. What it cost you. You shifted the heavens to keep Liam - and us - safe. Who can we trust if we can't trust you?" "There doesn't really seem to be much of a question here." "No, there doesn't. But only say the word and we'll listen. Tell us to run - we'll run." They waited for Mulder to speak. He seemed to be processing an internal conflict and no one was keen to interrupt it. "Well, Liam," Mulder said finally, "is it time to stop running?" Liam squinted into the desert around them. It was beautiful and he would miss it. "Can we do one last thing?" -o0o- They pulled up beside some vicious looking skeleton trees, not far from the crash site. Not far from where they'd found Ellie's red bag. And Jerry. The bag was back with Ellie's family. Along with the other survivors, they were being "processed," a term Mulder relayed with distaste, and would be returned to their home. They were all being interviewed. The deep thunder of helicopters pounded the air, but they kept their distance. Mulder had shared their location with Mr Skinner who was liaising with the President's agent. They had been instructed to leave their vehicle and wait for alternative transport. Mr Skinner was handling the situation. Their stop wasn't random. Liam, trussed up in Dr Scully's coat, knelt in the dirt. His mother had led him to the tiny cairn she had made days before. It hadn't taken long to make it bigger. The desert had plenty of rocks which all seemed designed for stacking. "Goodbye, Jerry," Liam said, laying the last tiny stone on top. "I'm sorry." His parents gave him a moment by himself and he found himself lost in the balancing edges of the rocks. He wasn't leaving just Jerry behind. He was leaving a piece of himself in the desert. The doctor crouched beside him. "Liam -" He put a finger to his lips, quieting her. "I know why." "I -" "I didn't understand at first. Gibson made me see. You didn't want to do it. It broke your heart." He had seen her heart. He reached out and gave her hand a small squeeze. He let it go, and she rubbed an eye with a knuckle. "I wanted to do the right thing for you." "I don't want you to be sorry." "I promised myself I'd do everything to make you safe." Liam touched the cairn. "You did." "I saw you that first day - you looked so healthy, so happy." Liam couldn't hold back a grin. "I thought you guys looked funny." "You did?" "Yup. All stiff and starchy. Then I thought you were disturbed." She groaned. "Not the first impression I was going for." It might be dangerous territory, but he had to know. "Did you - did you ever use to think about me? About meeting me?" "Did I ever think about you? You were *all* I ever thought of." A call from Marie warned them a vehicle was approaching. Dr Scully bowed her head over the cairn like she might be saying a prayer. When she rose, she had a strange smile on her lips. "I still can't believe you called him Jerry." "Well, sure. What else do you call a frog?" Liam replied. "It's like that old song. Mom used to play it for me when I was a little kid." Catching the end of their conversation, Marie made a face. "I did?" -o0o- The sight of the bus made Liam laugh. His father shook his head. "I don't believe it." It pulled up next to them in a cloud of dust and Alan Hirsch rounded the front end. "Look what we found! Adds a certain symmetry to everything, doesn't it?" Mrs Scully appeared behind Alan. She held out something to Liam, who took it with excitement. "My backpack. Where did you find this?" "Eric found it when they were searching. You must have dropped it when you got off the ship." Liam didn't remember losing it, but given their wild escape, her suggestion made sense. He hugged it to his chest, glad to have Flashlight back and wondering if he should mention the extractor. The husky was back on the side of the University of Washington bus. Liam grinned when Sal's tail whacked his leg. "You approve, don't you?" "This is it?" Harry said, coming to stand by Liam. "We just get on?" Marie joined them. "It's not how I imagined this moment." A window slid open and Toby leaned out. "Just like old times." Marie and Harry followed Alan and Mrs Scully on board. Liam couldn't make his legs move. It was hard to believe they had reached this point. Suddenly the thought of leaving scared him. To have one thing was to give up another. Mulder and Dr Scully stopped by him. "You coming?" "I'm thinking about something Major Drummond said." "Yes?" Dr Scully said warily. "About lambs." Liam sank his hands into his pockets. "He was talking about sacrifice - I get that. He was talking about all of us. But some people made bigger sacrifices than others." "The nature of sacrifice is a lottery," Mulder said. "Major Drummond was a crackpot, Liam." Dr Scully was signalling she wanted to move on. "And it's a heavy subject to have to deal with - for anyone." Liam had one last thing to say. "I understand what he was saying - but what I was really thinking about was the lambs." His biological parents looked confused. "Major Drummond said we were all lambs. He's right. And do you know where lambs belong?" "The freezer?" (Mulder said it so low Liam doubted he was supposed to hear it, so he ignored the quip.) He waited until they were both looking at him. "They belong on a farm." "Okay," said Dr Scully. She was trying to puzzle out his meaning. "You made" - Scully was right - even saying sacrifice was too difficult - "you made sure I had a chance for a great life." They seemed to stiffen and neither disagreed. He hurried to get to his point. "Because of you I grew up on the best farm in the world." His world would have been so different if he had grown up with Mulder and Scully. Maybe he would have liked different things. But then again, maybe not. Farm or city, he couldn't imagine a life without animals. He could speculate all he liked - and he would, eventually - but not now. For now, and forever, the farm was home - no matter how big his world grew. It was time to share it. "Why don't you come and see it? Properly this time." "Your farm?" He waved his arms about trying to express the idea which seemed beyond words. "You're lambs." Dr Scully hugged herself as a shiver went through her, and Mulder nodded. "And lambs belong on the farm." "On the farm." Liam studied the tips of his sneakers. "With me."