Lives Reclaimed - Christmas Together (2/2)
by Donna Honeycutt and Vickie Moseley

When he checked on William again, the boy 
was awake, but unwilling to leave the room.  
"Come on downstairs, Big Guy.  Your grandma 
just took some cookies out of the oven."

"Don't wanna."

"It's okay.  I'll be with you."  He seemed to 
contemplate that for a moment, but finally sat 
up, and allowed Mulder to lead him from the 
room.

Scully hurried toward them when she saw them 
come down the stairs.  "William, come on in the 
kitchen with me.  We'll take up the cookies and 
share them with everyone."

True fear showed in his eyes and her heart 
hurt at the look.  She put her arm around him 
and gave him a squeeze, then the three of 
them moved toward the kitchen. 

Maggie smiled when they entered.  "Just in 
time," she said, extending her hand to William.  
After a glance at Mulder, he took it and held 
the plate as Maggie transferred the warm 
cookies onto it.  "Why don't you take these to 
the family room?"

Scully bit her lip for an instant.  "That's a good 
idea.  William, let's go see what's on TV."

William looked up at Mulder, who winked at 
him, and the boy resignedly allowed his mother 
to escort them that way.  Kenny and Bryan 
were sprawled on the couch, with Matthew 
sullen and scowling in the recliner.  There was 
an obvious Band-Aid on his cheek and William 
refused to look in his direction.

"Will, come on over here," Kenny said as he 
and Bryan made room between them on the 
couch.  "It's Elf with Will Farrow.  You ever 
seen it?"

William shook his head, but with Scully's slight 
push, he headed that way and handed the 
plate of cookies to Bryan.  Mulder took a seat 
behind the couch and William looked back to 
ensure himself his dad was right there, then 
turned back to the TV.

Scully ruffled William's hair and laid a hand on 
Kenny's shoulder for a moment.  He nodded to 
her and took a cookie from the plate.  Mulder 
squeezed her hand as she turned to return to 
the kitchen.

She was in the kitchen when Bill found her.  He 
approached her as though his size would 
intimidate her.  Fat chance.  She turned and 
met his eyes squarely.

"Listen, Dana, that kid of yours is a danger and 
I - "

"William is not a danger to anyone.  He is also 
not a retard.  Mulder and my son has lived 
through unbelievable trauma."  She watched 
Bill's face redden but could feel his temper 
rising.  "I will not allow Matthew to taunt him or 
insult him.  If you cannot control him - "

"Control him?  He didn't cut your son's face."

"No, and I'm sorry that happened.  I'm sorry 
that Matthew provoked such a response from 
William."

"Provoked!"

"Provoked."  Charlie stepped into the kitchen.  
The look of disgust on his face was plain and 
Bill flinched slightly from his expression.  "I 
heard it all, Bill.  I was on my way into the room 
to stop it when William defended himself in the 
only way he knew and then he ran.  Kenny and 
Bryan will be helping keep an eye on things for 
the rest of your visit." 

"What the hell are you talking about?  That little 
bastard doesn't need - " The  hand across his 
face stopped him.  He'd forgotten, or 
dismissed, Dana's hand to hand training and 
he staggered back.

"Mom, I'm sorry, but I think we need to leave."

"No.  This is family time.  Those boys deserve 
to know their family, especially William.  And I 
want all of you to behave, especially you, Bill.  I 
don't want to take sides in this, but you better 
believe I will not have any of my children, my 
in-laws, or my grandchildren insulted or 
demeaned.  Do you understand?"

Bill blinked at that.  They all turned as the door 
to the kitchen opened and Tara joined them.  
She took in the tension in the room and 
scanned Bill's face.  She noted the red mark of 
Dana's hand.  "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Maggie said taking a deep breath.  

Scully looked over at her mother.  Nothing?  
That was her response to Tara?  "Mom, really - 
"

"It's Christmas.  We're all stressed from 
everything we've been doing, planning.  Let's 
try to have a nice, calm dinner and see how 
things go then.  No more running around.  Let's 
everyone try to relax."

Scully had major doubts that would work, 
obviously so did Charlie, but both kept quiet.  
No one wanted a major family split, years of 
recriminations and not communicating.  But did 
she owe Bill any more chances?  It was 
different now, Mulder could, sort of, defend 
himself.  William was her son and the beast 
woman in her was present.  She forced herself 
to take a deep breath and nodded to Maggie, 
then left the kitchen.  She, they, would stay for 
dinner, but no promises after that.  Maybe she 
could take Charlie and his boys, and Mom 
back to their house.  In any case, no one would 
insult her son again.

******

William found a set of stairs leading down.  It 
was a basement, but not like the basement in 
their house in Virginia.  He would often sit on 
the steps and watch either his mother or his 
father go down the stairs and bring up 
something from the basement.  That's where 
they kept the extra cans and boxes of food and 
the washer and the dryer were down there.  
But it was dark and not a place William wanted 
to visit, so he would wait for them at the top of 
the stairs.

This basement, however, was different.  It was 
lighter, for one thing.  He could see the late 
afternoon sunlight dancing on the floor.  And 
the floor looked different, too.  The floor in his 
house was a somewhat dirty gray, even though 
he'd watched his mother sweep it several 
times.  Battleship gray, she'd called it and said 
one day she'd have to mop it but that hadn't 
happened in the months he'd lived with them.  

This floor had what looked like a map on the 
floor -- roads and railroad tracks.  It looked like 
a playroom.  Checking that he was still 
unnoticed, William crept down the steps.  They 
didn't creak like the ones in his house.  As he 
made his way down the steps, he saw that the 
light was coming from three windows set in the 
foundation of the house just at ground level.  
The light was the sunlight coming in from those 
windows.  He felt a little braver and jumped off 
the last step.

It was a playroom, but one that hadn't been 
used in a long time.  There were some boxes 
on a long table and a few mismatched chairs 
along the wall.  On the far wall was a cabinet 
with the doors standing open and he could see 
colored bins.  Going forward, he slid one of the 
bins out and peered in.  There were toy cars 
and truck, just the right size for the 'roadmap' 
on the floor.  

He looked up the stairs and heard more raised 
voices.  They were still yelling at each other.  
He bit his lip and looked back at the bin of cars.  
They weren't space ships but they were sort of 
cool.  He took out one of the cars, a dusty red 
convertible and spun the wheels against his 
palm.  It worked!  He smiled and picked four 
other cars and a truck, having to hold them all 
in his arms to get them over to the spot on the 
floor.  Soon, he was racing the cars around the 
streets like he'd seen in one of his father's 
favorite video games.  Some of the cars flipped 
over and had to be removed from the track.  
He used the truck to take them over to a place 
on the map marked 'garage'.  It even had a 
sign like the one at home where he and his dad 
had changed the oil in their car just last 
weekend.  Soon he was feeling much better 
and was able to forget all about the yelling 
going on upstairs.  He didn't notice when 
someone older closed the door at the top of the 
stairs. 

********

She located Mulder in the study, watching TV 
with the boys.  "Where's William?" she asked in 
a low voice, not disturbing the movie, as soon 
as she entered the room.

"I think he went to the bathroom."

"You think?"

"Scully, he's doing okay.  He knows most of the 
people here are . . . safe?"

"Safe."  She shook her head and perched on 
the arm of his chair.  "What a comforting 
description of my family."

"I'm sorry - "

"You have nothing to apologize for, Mulder.  
I'm the one that put you and William in this 
position.  I didn't dream - "

"Of course you didn't and Scully, even with all 
the stuff going on, he knows he's with us and 
it's permanent and we love him.  I think he 
understands that we're trying to expand his 
family and he and Bryan and getting along 
great."

She smiled at that, though it looked weak.  
"Yes, Charlie's boys are being awfully nice to 
him."  She looked over at the door.  "Are you 
sure he went to the bathroom?"

"No, but that's what I thought.  Why don't I go 
check.  Better me than you at his age."

She huffed but didn't argue, watching him 
leave the room.  He was so good for her.  He 
put up with so much from her, her family, and 
was always there to support her.  Maybe 
marriage wouldn't be such a bad idea, 
especially now that William was with them.  
William could act as best man or something, 
really be a part of everything.  It was worth 
thinking about anyway.

That train of thought disappeared when Mulder 
reappeared at the door, shaking his head.  She 
was on her feet immediately.  "You didn't see 
him?"

"No.  I wanted to check back in here before I 
went upstairs.  I was pretty sure he hadn't 
gotten past me, but . . . "

"Let's look upstairs."  She was already headed 
in that direction; he was on her heels.  It look 
little time to check all of the bedrooms.  William 
was nowhere to be found.

"Scully, don't panic.  I'm sure he's here.  Look, 
his coat is right over there."

"That only means he doesn't have it on, not 
that he's not outside somewhere!  We knew he 
was upset and scared."

"I don't think he's upset, Scully."

"Why?"

"No buzz," he whispered.  "But I should have 
kept a better eye on him.  We'll find him.  Let's 
find out if there's a tree house in the 
neighborhood.  He might have wanted that kind 
of security."

"There's not.  There are almost no children in 
the neighborhood anymore."

"We just checked all the closets and under the 
beds upstairs, Aunt Dana," Bryan said, joining 
them in the hallway.

Scully closed her eyes, fighting her tears.  It 
was her worst nightmare come to life.  "Mulder, 
we have to find him," she whispered.

"He's here.  He's . . . he probably just found 
some place he felt comfortable," Mulder tried to 
assure her, or himself.  "We just have to think a 
minute."

"It's getting dark," Scully said, looking out the 
windows by the front door.  "He doesn't have a 
coat and it's dark - "

"Matty, would you go down to the basement 
and get Grandma a jar of olives?  They're in 
the pantry under the steps.  The ones in the 
black can, ripe olives," Maggie called as she 
came out of the kitchen.  "What's going on?"

"We can't find William," Scully swallowed hard 
and wiped at her cheeks.

"Oh, he's just playing hide and seek, I bet," 
Maggie said.  "You kids - "

"He's not like us, Mom!  Bill and Charlie never 
heard their guardians murdered in the room 
next door," Scully bit out angrily.  "Missy and I 
were never given up for adoption!"

"Scully," Mulder soothed.  "Don't.  She didn't 
mean - "

"Here're the olives, Grandma," Matt 
interrupted, holding a can in his hands.

"Matthew, have you seen your cousin?" 
Maggie asked as she accepted the olives.

"Bryan and Kenny are in the den," he 
answered.

"No, your little cousin, William," Maggie 
repeated.  "Have you seen him in the last few 
minutes?"

Matthew thought for a moment.  "Nope.  
Haven't."  He hurried out of the hall toward the 
den.

Something about Matthew's behavior caught 
Mulder's eye.  "Where's the basement door?" 
he asked suddenly.

"Just off the kitchen," Scully replied.  "But 
William hates the basement, Mulder."

"That's our basement, Scully.  Even I hate it," 
he shot back.  "Let me check, just to be sure."

William was still playing with the cars when he 
noticed it was getting too dark to see the street 
markings on the floor.  Looking up at the 
window, he realized his mistake - it was dark 
outside.  Quickly he got up and sought out the 
stairs in the rapidly fading light.  He looked up 
at the top but it was too dark to see very far.

He closed his eyes tightly and opened them, 
hoping he would be able to see better.  But the 
top of the stairs remained in total darkness - a 
black void.  William backed away from the dark 
and searched around the room.  A streetlight 
cast a little puddle of light in one of the corners 
and he scrambled over to it.  Suddenly very 
frightened, he sat down on the floor, drew up 
his knees to his chest and started to cry.

Mulder opened the basement door and 
searched around the wall for the light switch.  
As he stepped on the first step he heard crying, 
William crying, softly.

"Buddy, you down here?" he called out.

"Daddy?" came a strangled voice.  "Daddy, 
come get me!"

"On the way, sport.  I'm right here," he said.  
He found William easily in the far corner.  "How 
did you get down here?" he asked, taking the 
boy in his arms.  William hung on for dear life, 
but after a few minutes, he pulled away.  

"I found a city," he told his father.  "On the 
floor."  He hopped out of Mulder's embrace, but 
grabbed his hand.  "Over here, come see."  He 
pulled Mulder over to the play area.

"Oh, wow, I used to have one of these," Mulder 
exclaimed with admiration.  "Pretty cool, huh?"

William nodded, absently wiping tears and 
snotty nose on his sleeve.  "But it got dark."

"Did you close the door behind you when you 
came down?" Mulder asked.

William shook his head.  

"I didn't think so," Mulder said calmly, but was 
feeling anything but calm.  "Here, pick up the 
cars and let's put them back.  Maybe we can 
come play with them again tomorrow.  Dad 
wants to check something out."

William stooped down and gathered the cars 
and truck, taking them over to the bins in the 
cabinet.  Meanwhile, Mulder looked at the 
steps and then at the pantry shelves under the 
steps.  There was no way someone could 
come down the stairs and miss William playing 
with the cars.  But William was often so zoned 
in on his play that he could easily miss 
someone entering and then leaving the room.

Matthew had struck again.  This time he'd even 
lied about it.  Mulder was going to have to keep 
a very close eye on his son for the rest of their 
visit.

*****

The rest of the evening was relatively 
uneventful.  It had been decided that they 
would attend the 7 pm service at St. Thomas 
the Apostle Church just up the road.  Mulder 
usually stayed at home when Scully took 
William to church, but he had gone once or 
twice during the fall for various services 
connected to the school.  He also remembered 
the scant times his father's side of the family 
would attend Christmas Eve services on the 
Vineyard.  This year, however, he didn't feel 
pressured to go.  If anything, finding William 
again and still having Scully at his side had put 
him on much better terms with any and all 
universal deities.

They made quite a sight finding seats in the 
crowded sanctuary and easily took up a whole 
row.  William tended to find church pretty 
boring and Scully always kept a small 
notebook and crayons in her purse to keep him 
occupied.  After all the events of the day, 
though, Mulder found his son's head drooping 
and then sliding over to his lap.  With a smile, 
he picked the boy up and let him rest on his 
shoulder.  Together they sat through the 
service as the other Scullys rose and knelt as 
the liturgy required.  At one point, he glanced 
up to see Maggie smiling and him, tears 
glistening in her eyes.  He winked at her and 
her grin only grew.  Then she turned back to 
the service.

Halfway through the Mass, Mulder noticed that 
Charlie was no longer sitting at the end of their 
row.  He looked back and saw the younger 
Scully quietly slipping out the exit of the 
church.  Mulder closed his eyes, just feeling his 
young son slumbering in his arms.  Charlie 
held such pain, such guilt that it almost felt like 
a cloud followed him wherever he walked.  It 
was too much for Mulder to try and empathize - 
he never, ever wanted to be in that position.  
He was a trained psychologist but he hadn't put 
his skills to work for years and when he had it 
had been searching out the deviant mind - not 
the injured one.  He ached for the words to 
ease Charlie's pain.

At that moment, a strange thought occurred to 
Mulder.  Charlie was really a stranger to him, 
but oddly enough, there was a connection.  
This woman sitting beside him, as she had 
through the last decade and a half and this 
child sleeping in his lap connected him not just 
to Charlie, but to Maggie and Bill and everyone 
seated in the pew with them.  It was a heady 
feeling.

"Mulder, you OK?  Want me to take him for a 
while?" Scully asked, noting, no doubt, the 
strange expression on his face.

He smiled at her and shook his head.  "No.  
I've got him.  He's fine."  She nodded, 
reassured and went back to paying attention to 
the service.  Mulder cast one more look back to 
where Charlie had left the church.  Somehow, 
in the next two days, he hoped there was some 
way he could help this man who was part of his 
family.

*****

Mulder was on the floor with William at Scully's 
feet.  The paper from opening the presents 
was pretty much all over the place.  William 
was totally absorbed with his new Star Wars 
figures and the Leggos set of the Echo Base 
and Darth Vader's TIE fighter were within easy 
reach, though not opened.  Scully wasn't sure if 
that was in order not to lose any of the small 
pieces, or to protect it from Matthew.  
Whichever he was definitely keeping away 
from Matthew but seemed to feel better about 
Kenny and Bryan.  

Bryan was on the floor as well, talking to him 
about the race that Anakin had won when Qui-
Gon had discovered him.

Mulder watched Bill pour another Scotch.  Hell, 
they hadn't even had lunch and that had to be 
his third.  He'd started when Mulder had 
opened a gift from Scully - a robe and 
matching pajamas pants.  Mulder liked them, 
plaid, flannel, easy to remove.  He grinned to 
himself.  It was a husband kind of present and 
from Scully.  Maybe someday soon she would 
break down and accept his proposal.

He motioned to William, who leaned toward 
him.  "There's one more under the tree for your 
mother.  Can you reach it?"

William nodded and crawled under the tree, 
returning with a small box.  He handed it to 
Mulder.  "Give it to Mom."  He winked at the 
boy, who handed the box to Scully.

"What?  Mulder, you already gave me - "

"It's from both of us," he assured her.  "Go 
ahead."

She met his eye and saw the uncertainty there 
and felt a moment of unease.  Well, it wasn't a 
ring box, and Mulder wouldn't put her on the 
spot in front of Bill if nothing else.  Shaking her 
head she tore the paper from the box and 
balled it up, tossing it to William, who grinned.  
She opened the box and saw the delicate 
sterling silver chain and pendant.  "Mulder!"

"It's a locket, open it."

She took it from the box and opened the 
filigreed oval.  On the left was William, his 
school picture and he was smiling.  On the 
right, her breath caught, Emily also smiling up 
at her.  Tears filled Scully's eyes immediately.  
"Oh, Mulder."

"Is it okay?"

She couldn't speak, gazing at the pictures, her 
eyes swimming.

"Whadda ya do now, you fuckin' ass?" Bill's 
words were slurred and everyone looked at 
him aghast.  

Scully was on her feet before Mulder could 
even think to help her up.  "What is wrong with 
you?  The man in my life, my son's father, just 
gave me an incredible gift - "

"He made you cry!"

"Tears of happiness, Bill.  Don't you 
understand anything?  God, you're drunk aren't 
you?  It's Christmas morning!"

"Fuck Christmas, if I have to spend it with a 
man who caused so much heartache for this 
family!  He's responsible for everything that's 
gone wrong.  Missy, your cancer, your 
estrangement from Dad, him!"  He pointed to 
William.  "Why don't you see that!"

William was cowering next to Mulder, but 
Bryan was on William's other side, either 
protecting, or also drawing security from 
Mulder's presence.  

Mulder looked over at Maggie's white face, 
then Charlie caught his attention.  The younger 
man rose to full height.  Bill turned toward him, 
expecting support.  The last thing he expected 
was Charlie's fist to his face, causing him to 
crash into the tree and both toppled to the 
ground.  Then Charlie was standing over him, 
legs spread, ready to defend himself if and 
when Bill made it back to his feet.

Mulder had scrambled to his feet as well and 
he had hold of Scully, to keep her from joining 
the fray.

"Mulder's responsible?  Mulder!"  Charlie yelled 
down at his older brother.  "What about you, 
you fucking asshole!"  Bill looked up at his 
brother, blood pouring from his nose.  "Yes, 
you!  You think you're so righteous and perfect.  
You talk me into joining the goddamn Navy 
because it's my responsibility to uphold the 
family honor like you supposedly are.  Maybe 
you don't mind being away from home for 
months on end, maybe it keeps you away from 
your piss ant of a son, but it cost me!  It cost 
me everything!  They couldn't even reach me 
when Rachel got sick.  She was dead before 
they could get a message through!  I didn't 
want to go into the Navy, I wanted to be home 
with my family, but no, you were incensed!  I 
had to join, it was a fucking family tradition!  I 
wouldn't be a good son!  Well I'll be damned if 
either of my sons is caught up in that shit!"

Mulder was scanning the room, if Bill launched 
himself at Charlie, he would take him down.  
He outweighed his younger brother by at least 
thirty pounds.  If Bill attacked Charlie, there 
was no doubt in Mulder's mind that Kenny and 
Bryan would join the fight.  How was Mulder 
going to keep Maggie and Tara from being 
hurt?

"You blame me for that?"  Bill was coming up 
slowly, as though he had realized how volatile 
the situation was.

"You're the one that wanted me in the Navy, 
you're the one that put my name in for that 
fucking assignment, you're - "

"Hold it!  I don't control you.  I'm not 
responsible for the decisions you've made.  
Why the hell are you blaming me for - "

"Like you blame Fox?"  Maggie's voice carried 
over Bill's and for a moment total silence filled 
the room.  Everyone, even William, turned to 
look at Maggie.  

Bill looked like a fish out of water, his mouth 
moving but no sound emerging.  Mulder stood 
completely still, afraid movement would draw 
attention to him.  Scully just gaped at her 
mother.

"Well, isn't that what you do?  If you can blame 
Fox for Dana's cancer, then why shouldn't 
Charlie blame you for Rachel's death?  It 
makes sense to me."

"Mom?  Are you . . . " The expression on 
Maggie's face seemed to take his breath.  The 
man actually seemed to shrink slightly and his 
eyes darted around the room, taking in Scully 
and his nephews before finding Tara's face and 
seeing her agreement with Maggie plain on her 
face.

He sank into the nearest chair and didn't 
speak.  Scully moved toward the tree and 
Mulder followed her, helping her to right it and 
pick up the ornaments that had fallen to the 
floor.  Only two were broken.  Mulder picked up 
the large pieces carefully and when he looked 
up, saw that Kenny had brought him the broom 
and dustpan.  He nodded and continued to 
silently clean up the broken glass and 
scattered pine needles.  No one was talking, 
William hadn't even turned back to his things, 
instead surreptitiously watching everyone.

Maggie continued to sit there as though waiting 
for Bill to answer her.  Maybe she had finally 
gotten completely fed up with everything.  
Mulder looked over at Scully for instructions, 
but she seems as in the dark as he was.  Well 
hell, he didn't have to subject his son to this.

"William, let's go back down to the playroom.  
Show me what you found."

William scrambled to his feet, eager to take 
advantage of the excuse to get out of there.

"Fox, why don't Kenny, Bryan and Matthew 
take him?" Maggie spoke.  It didn't really feel 
like a question.

Matthew?  Mulder caught Kenny's eye and the 
boy nodded reassurance.  "Uh, sure.  That 
okay with you, William?"

From his expression, which Mulder was pretty 
sure mirrored his own, it wasn't but there was 
something about Maggie that you didn't cross 
and this was definitely one of those times.

"Come on, William," Kenny took his hand and 
Bryan moved to his other side.  Bill took in their 
protective stance around the younger boy, and 
seemed to shrink a little more.  After Mulder 
heard the door to the basement shut, he 
silently took a seat beside Scully.

Maggie sighed, then looked at each of them in 
turn.  "This is my fault.  I'm the one that asked 
each of you to come here, to be a family at 
Christmas.  I knew Charlie was in such pain 
and I wanted him to be able to take solace 
from family, to know we were here for him to 
help him through at least his first Christmas 
without Rachel.  I miss her too, she was my 
daughter for many years and I loved her 
dearly.  I hoped that having us all together 
would make things easier."  

She held up her hand as Bill seemed about to 
speak.  "And I wanted my grandsons to meet 
and hopefully bond, for William to get to know 
his family.  That poor boy has been through 
unspeakable horror and he's finally back with 
his real family and learning to fit in.  I hope 
someday he will feel completely assured of his 
place.  To have him hurt in any way in my 
home fills me with a sadness I can't even 
express.   He's my grandson and my heart 
aches for him, for what he still has to face.  I 
knew about the animosity Bill felt for Fox, but I 
didn't dream . . . and I had no idea, Charlie, 
that you felt that way.  I shouldn't have forced 
you all to spend this time together, and to be 
honest, right now, I feel like asking all of you to 
leave."

"Mom - " Scully took a seat beside her.  "I'm 
sorry."

Maggie shook her head.  "I think I'll go upstairs 
for a little while."

"Mom," Charlie stood before his mother.  
"Please, stay down here with me.  I, I need you 
and I'm, I'm sorry I hit Bill."

"You should apologize to him," Maggie said, 
not facing her youngest son.

Mulder watched Charlie close his eyes and 
shake his head for a moment, then he turned 
to Bill.  "I shouldn't have hit you." He turned to 
Mulder and glanced over at Tara.  "I shouldn't 
have caused a scene."  He gave his mother 
one last look and headed out the door.

Scully started after him, but Mulder touched 
her shoulder.  "Let me try," he whispered in her 
ear.  She chewed her lip and shrugged her 
shoulder, then slowly nodded.

Mulder had the presence of mind to grab his 
coat and one he thought might be Charlie's 
before he let himself out into the freezing cold.  
He spotted Charlie leaning against an old oak 
tree, puffing on a cigarette and staring out into 
the light snowfall.

"You aren't going to try and tell me these things 
will kill me, are you?" Charlie joked, but the 
tone of his voice made it come out more bitter 
than humorous.

Mulder shuffled his feet and looked out toward 
where Charlie's gaze seemed to rest.  "Nah.  
Been there myself," he admitted.

Charlie started to reach into his pocket, but 
Mulder shook his head.  "Not for a few years," 
he said with a weak smile.

The younger man regarded the half burnt butt 
in his hand.  "Rachel hated it that I smoked.  I 
don't do it often.  Never in the house or around 
the boys.  Just . . . "

"Charlie, what you said in there . . . want to talk 
about it?" Mulder asked quietly.

"What's to talk about?  Mulder, from what I 
hear, you're the oldest.  I'm not sure you can 
possibly understand."

Mulder nodded.  "Yeah, but that doesn't stop 
me from listening," he replied.

"OK.  So you know what I really wanted to be 
when I was a kid?"  At Mulder's open look he 
continued.  "A cartoonist.  Like Garry Trudeau 
or Charles Schultz.  I dreamed that someday I 
would open any newspaper in the country and 
see my strip staring back up at me."

Mulder drew in a deep breath.  "That would be 
cool."

"Yeah.  I wasn't too bad, either.  Won a couple 
of local contests, got a partial scholarship to an 
art summer program put on by U of Maryland.  
But you know what happened?  Bill.  Bill 
happened.  He talked to Dad and told him that I 
was 'playing around with those pansy-assed 
artists'.  Well, that was the end of that 
discussion.  Since it was only a partial 
scholarship, Dad would have had to put the 
rest of the money.  It's wasn't a huge sum, I 
think it was about $250.  But Dad said he didn't 
have the cash and that was that."

Mulder could see where this was going but 
knew his job was to listen, not interrupt.  He 
stomped his feet a little to get some warmth in 
them.  Charlie finished the cigarette and just 
leaned against the tree.

"So it comes time for me to take the ACT and I 
do pretty damned good, but then Scully kids 
are always overachievers.  I got a 29 on the 
first try.  But Bill was already out on a ship and 
of course, he talked to Dad again.  Suddenly, I 
was applying to the Naval Academy.  I didn't 
want to go to the Academy.  It's the last place I 
wanted to go.  But you know how having a 
Naval officer gives you a leg up at the 
Academy and since I also had an older brother 
already through -- gee, like I had any choice in 
the matter."

"I thought I'd pull one over on them, though.  I 
decided to go nuke.  Bill was on surface ships, 
Dad had been on surface ships, I went under 
the water.  And it was a good gig, for a while.  
Then I met Rachel in New London and I fell 
head over heels.  I was really underwater 
then," he smirked.  "But I thought I'd finally 
won.  I got to choose who I married.  The fact 
that I couldn't believe this gorgeous angel had 
agreed to marry me was just too good to be 
true."

At that point, Charlie's shoulders hitched and 
he choked on a sob.  "I loved her.  God in 
heaven, I still love her with every breath I take."  
He wiped at his cheeks with the sleeve of his 
coat and shuddered.  

"Charlie, I'm sorry," Mulder said, putting his 
hand on the younger man's shoulder.  He was 
surprised when Charlie reached up and 
grasped his hand in a vice like grip.

"I haven't finished," he said through gritted 
teeth.  "About a year and a half ago, I had my 
20 in, I was ready to retire.  I had even started 
putting out feelers for a job in the civilian world.  
Rachel was over the moon.  The boys were 
already making plans for how many sporting 
events we were going to make in the coming 
year.  I wasn't going to tell anyone, certainly 
not Bill.  I knew what he'd say.  He's try and 
talk me out of it, want me to stay in for 30 like 
he was, like Dad did."

"So what happened?"

"Rachel was so excited, she let it slip to Mom.  
And of course, Mom mentioned it to Bill.  Now 
here's where it gets really good," Charlie 
sneered.  "Bill, on his own, goes to the Sub 
commander and arranges for me to get an 
assignment as XO on the Sea Wolf class boat 
just about to be launched.  Second to being a 
cartoonist, it's what I had wanted.  Then he 
calls me, reminds me that I don't have to stay 
for the full ten - that the bump in pay would 
allow me to pay off the house in five years, put 
some cash aside so we could travel.  Hell, 
thinking back I can't even remember all the 
bullshit he fed me.  And God damn me, I took 
the bait.  So we're in the middle of the Indian 
Ocean, running deep, and Rachel . . . Ra-chel . 
. ."

At that point, Charlie just collapsed in on 
himself.  Mulder was able to reach him and 
support him before he hit the snow-packed 
ground.  He held him and just let the man sob 
brokenly.

"He . . . he caused it.  He . . . he as m-m-much 
as put a g-g-g-un to her head," he wailed.

Mulder was having hard time keeping his own 
emotions in check, but he had to get through to 
this man.  "Charlie, Charlie.  Listen to me.  
Please, listen to me."

A few shuddering sobs and Charlie was able to 
gather enough control to look at Mulder.  

Now that Mulder had his attention, he wasn't so 
sure he knew what he was going to say.  He 
closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed.  
"Bill didn't kill Rachel, Charlie.  You know that."

At the younger man's attempted objection, 
Mulder put his hands on Charlie's shoulders.  
"Bill didn't kill Rachel any more than I killed 
Melissa."  Charlie winced at the comparison 
but remained silent.  "No more than I gave 
Dana cancer, or killed Emily or intended to 
leave Dana alone to fight the men who wanted 
our son.  But I feel that guilt, that pain - every 
day of my life.  Even when Bill isn't around to 
remind me."  It was getting harder and harder 
to keep his voice calm.  "You know, sometimes 
I wish he'd just take a swing at me and get it 
over with."

Charlie snorted and shook his head.  "He might 
have glass jaw, but he's got an iron fist," he 
warned.

Mulder smiled bitterly.  "But it would get it out 
of his system.  He might still hate me, but at 
least he wouldn't feel so impotent about it."

Charlie rubbed his own right fist lightly.  "You 
might be right on that."

"And maybe . . . maybe he could forgive me . . 
. for some of it," Mulder added.  Charlie started 
to shake his head again and Mulder gripped 
his shoulders tightly.  "I can understand the 
need to blame someone for what's happened.  
But having been on the receiving end of blame 
that wasn't truly mine, I can tell you that it's a 
horrible injustice and pretty damned hard to 
live with."

"You hardly ever see him," Charlie murmured.

"I wasn't talking about Bill," Mulder replied.  "I 
was talking about my father."

"I can't.  I can't forgive him.  I just . . . hurt . . . 
so much," Charlie choked out, tears falling 
fresh.

"I know, I know.  But if it was hurting someone 
else, someone completely innocent, could you 
at least try?" Mulder pleaded.  At Charlie's 
perplexed look he continued.  "Your mom, 
Charlie.  This is killing her.  All she wanted was 
her family together at Christmas.  So far it's 
been World War Three.  You'd give anything 
for another Christmas with Rachel, right?  
What would you give for another Christmas 
with your mom?  One where she was happy to 
see all of us rather than dreading the moment 
we entered the house and counting the 
moments till we all leave her in peace?"

Charlie thought about that for several minutes.  
Mulder finally dropped his hands and they both 
just stood there, Charlie lost in thought, Mulder 
scrambling to find something else he could say 
to convince Charlie to forgive the one man on 
earth who had yet to forgive him of sins he'd 
never committed.  Finally, Charlie drew in a 
deep breath.  "I don't have much choice, do I?"

"Well, he is your brother.  And Tara seems like 
a nice person so he can't be all that bad," 
Mulder joked.  It worked, Charlie smiled.

"I could make a dumb blonde joke here, but I 
like Tara," he said with a shrug.

"I do, too," Mulder replied.  "So . . . need more 
time?  Or do we go back inside?"

Charlie looked toward the house and sighed.  "I 
don't need any more time.  My ass is freezin' 
off out here."

"Good because mine froze solid a few minutes 
ago," Mulder agreed.  He turned to go but not 
before Charlie grabbed him and hugged him 
hard.

"Let me talk to Bill.  I don't think he really 
knows what he's been doing all these years.  
He just doesn't understand."

Mulder found it hard to swallow as he throat 
tightened up.  "Thanks," was all he could 
manage.

The warmth of the house was almost 
overpowering after the cold of the yard.  Mulder 
hung up his coat and took Charlie's coat to 
hang.  When he got to the living room, Charlie 
and Bill were talking.  No fists were involved 
and Mulder took that as a good thing. 

*****

"Let me get you some tea," Tara said, and 
Maggie nodded.  She and Dana arose and 
followed Tara into the kitchen.  It took a 
moment for Mulder to realize that he was alone 
with the brothers. 
 
Before he could decide how to escape, Bill 
spoke.  "Charlie, I didn't realize.  I thought you 
wanted . . . You wouldn't have gotten that 
assignment, even with my recommendation if 
you hadn't been the best qualified."
 
Charlie looked down at his hands.  "I feel like 
most of me is missing."
 
Neither Bill nor Mulder knew what to say to 
that.  Instead of trying, Bill turned to Mulder.  
"Why don't you marry her?"
 
Caught off guard, Mulder faced Bill.  "I, I 
should."  He looked away to see Charlie 
watching him.
 
"She keeps refusing you," Charlie said quietly.
 
Mulder blinked.
 
"She says no because she doesn't think she 
deserves that happiness."
 
"What?" Mulder and Bill spoke together as 
though rehearsed.
 
"She gave away your son.  She couldn't keep 
him safe and she let him go.  Now she knows 
what hell the boy went through.  There's not 
enough penance in the world for what she did.  
This is her punishment."
 
"How long have you been profiling?" Mulder 
asked.
 
Charlie sort of grinned.  "I'm the baby; I spent a 
lot of time observing them."
 
"I don't want her punished."
 
"How persuasive can you be?"
 
"It took me seven years to get her in my bed."  
He winced when he realized he'd spoken 
aloud.  Bill was staring at him, mouth open.  
Charlie shook her head, chuckling slightly.

"And I thought Bill was the stubborn one," he 
sighed.  "Don't give up on her."

"Never."

Bill looked at him then, almost afraid.  "What 
was in the locket?"

"A picture of William . . . and Emily."

Now it was Bill that winced.  "Emily.  Does she 
talk about her much?'

"Never.  I think she doesn't want to hurt me or 
something."

"She wasn't yours?"

Mulder shook his head.  "I don't know, but 
since Scully's never said, I assume not.  But it 
weighs on her, both of her shots at motherhood 
have been tainted.  Hell, you could probably 
count the amount of time she knew Emily in 
hours, but she was her daughter and she lost 
her.  Then William . . . Charlie, she knows 
better than anyone what you're . . .  Talk to 
her."

"Yeah, I need to do that.  I know she was such 
a help with the boys when . . . When Rachel 
died."  He managed to get the words out and 
seemed more surprised than either of the other 
two that he had.

Bill decided to change the subject, and turned 
to Mulder.  "You asked her to marry you?"

Mulder nodded.  "More than once.  I tend to 
bring it up so often that it's now a running gag," 
he said morosely.

Bill mused on that a moment.  "Maybe . . . 
maybe you should talk to her, Charlie.  I mean, 
I know a lot of people do it that way, never get 
married - but they have a kid - "

"William," Mulder interjected.

Bill actually blushed.  "Yeah.  William.  Uh, 
what's with him, anyway?  I mean, I know he 
went through hell and all but he's a kid.  Kids 
roll with the punches.  Why is he . . . so 
different?  It's like he's in his own little world all 
the time."

Mulder started to bristle at that comment, but 
then realized by the tone of Bill's voice he 
wasn't trying to be offensive.  He was curious.  
He wanted to know.  He wanted to find some 
way to connect.

"Have you ever heard of Asperger's 
Syndrome?" Mulder asked.  At Bill's blank look 
and a shake of his head, Mulder tried again.  
"There was a movie a while back - 'Martian 
Child'."  Again a shake.  "It's a mild form of 
autism."

Bill frowned.  "He doesn't . . . I mean, he can 
talk, he reacts to people - he's not like 
Rainman," he objected.

"No, it's a mild form.  He has trouble with social 
situations.  He's very bright, and I'm not just 
saying that because he's my kid," Mulder 
added with a slight smile.  "But he has trouble 
filtering out what other people just don't notice.  
He hears everything - the hum of the fan on the 
heater in the car, the hum of the lights in 
school.  He feels stuff, too, like the tag on the 
neck of his sweater and it's just as obtrusive as 
if someone were yelling in his ear.  He has to 
wade through everything to get to what 
matters."

Bill bit his lip.  "I'm going to talk to Matthew 
about what he said.  Tara chewed him out 
already for . . . well, that retard comment.  But 
Matt has trouble in school, too.  We've been 
told he's learning disabled, borderline dyslexia.  
He sees a reading tutor twice a week.  I think if 
I explain what William is going through, he 
might understand it better."

"I'd appreciate it.  I know Scully, Dana, would 
too.  She wants to think that's her fault too, but 
it's not.  Maybe if, if she had kept  him with her 
it could have been caught early and he could 
have gotten some help, but there's always the 
possibility that the people that killed his foster 
parents . . ." He couldn't say it, Scully could 
have been killed to get him.  He was sorry 
anyone had died around his son, but that . . . 
He looked up and met Charlie's eyes.  The 
younger man nodded, knowing exactly what he 
was thinking.

Mulder looked back over at Bill.  The man 
seemed to be trying.  "So, can we make nice 
for your mother's sake?"  

Bill flushed and looked at Charlie, who was 
watching him.  "Bill, I don't want to hurt Mom.  
This year is hard, the boys and I are lost.  
William is feeling his way in a situation he 
doesn't know, Dana hasn't been able to be with 
us for years.  We need to talk, sometime, not 
now and not here, but for now, for Mom - "

"Yeah, for Mom and the kids and everything.  I 
never . . . yeah, we need to talk soon."

*****

Charlie entered the kitchen and found Scully 
sitting alone, staring into a cup.  "Dana?"

"Want some tea?"

"You don't drink tea."

"Tara made it for Mom, so I . . . " she shrugged.

"Where are they?"

"They both escaped upstairs.  I think Mom's 
probably lying down.  Tara's just staying out of 
the way.  We really blew it didn't we?"

"We?  I don't see where you messed up 
especially."

She cut her eyes at him, but didn't bother to 
reply.  Then she sat up straighter.  "Where's 
Mulder?  You didn't leave him out there with 
Bill?"

"No.  He went down to the basement to check 
on Will and Bill's talking to Matthew."

Scully closed her eyes and shook her head.

"You got a minute?" Charlie asked.

"Sure."  She sounded tired, but looked over at 
him with concern.  "I was hoping we'd get 
some time to talk, but - "

"Yeah, we need to do that, but right now I need 
to talk to you."

"Of course."  She indicated the chair next to 
her and he took it.  She shouldn't have let other 
concerns keep her from Charlie.  He needed 
her and she'd been too involved in - 

"You need to marry Mulder."

She blinked, stunned at the topic.  "Excuse 
me?"

"You need to marry Mulder," he repeated.  

"I don't think that's - "

"It is.  You need to stop punishing yourself for 
something you think you did wrong."

"What are you - "

"Don't interrupt.  Dana, you can't tell me you 
don't love Mulder."

"I never said - "

"I said don't interrupt.  You're the one that won't 
give in, and it's because you think you don't 
deserve that kind of happiness."  He held up a 
finger as she opened her mouth.  "You think 
that you need to do penance for 'giving up' 
your son.  Hey, I've been Catholic long enough 
to know what guilt looks like.  You'd think 
Mulder was Catholic.  But you win in the 
punishment category.  Look at me, you did not 
give your son up and you did not ruin his life.  
You sent him away to keep him safe and I 
believe you accomplished that."

"What - "

"You did.  Those people that were after him 
were more than willing to kill to get him.  If he 
had stayed with you, they would have killed 
you eventually.  You're good, but they were 
determined.  And if you had been killed, that 
would have killed both Mulder and Will.  You 
do know that don't you?  Mulder can't survive 
without you, he might exist, for the Will's sake, 
but he wouldn't live.  I know, Dana, I know what 
it would do to him.  I'm existing now, and the 
boys are anchoring me.  You kept your family 
alive by making the hardest decision any 
mother can make.  What you need to do now, 
is celebrate.  Marry the man, be happy, raise 
your son and for God's sake forgive yourself for 
doing the right thing!  Okay, now you can 
speak."

Again she only blinked at him.  "I'm not - "

He gave her a slight smile and his eyebrow 
rose.

"I am?"

"Admitting your problem is the first step," his 
tone was pompous now and she smacked his 
shoulder with her fist.

"When did you start profiling?"

"Mulder asked the same thing.  It's not a bad 
idea.  I'm going to need a job.  Think you could 
get me an interview?"

She ignored that, rising to her feet.  She 
hesitated then.  "Charlie?"

"Do you doubt he loves you?"

"No."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes!"

"Put the poor guy out of his misery and marry 
him."

She glared at Charlie then and turned toward 
the door.  At the last minute she looked back at 
him and stuck her tongue out, causing him to 
grin and vanished out the door.  His smile 
dimmed but didn't disappear.  

Scully found Mulder at the snack table, 
gathering up some things to take down to the 
basement.  She stepped into his path.

"Scully?"

"I know what I want for Christmas."

"You're a little late.  The big guy is probably 
passed out from too much of Mrs. Claus's rum 
punch after a long night." 

"You can handle this one."

"I won't get in trouble with the elf union or 
anything?" he asked with mock concern.  She 
glared at him and he assumed a bland face.  
"Okay, what did you finally decide you wanted 
for Christmas?"

"Will you marry me?"

It took him a couple of heartbeats to catch up.  
He didn't bother to speak, pulling her against 
him and kissing her.  Her mind went blank.  
She'd been kissing this man for years and 
enjoying the hell out of it, but now she was 
understanding the concept of swooning for the 
first time.  He couldn't have been holding back, 
not all of this time, but ye gods!

When she could finally speak again, leaning 
against him since her legs were still unsteady, 
she looked up.  "Was that a yes?"

He laughed out loud, as happy as she could 
ever remember hearing him.  "What 
happened?"

"Uh, well Charlie - "

"Think he'd be my maid of honor?"

"Not best man?"

"That's William."

The sight of him blurred as her eyes filled but 
she nodded.  "When?"

"Are priests all busy today?"

She chuckled then.  "No, but we don't have a 
license.  I was thinking June."

"And I was thinking before January.  You 
honestly think I'm going to give you time to 
change your mind?"

"I'm not going to change my mind, Mulder.  I 
haven't in the last seventeen years, and I've 
got no reason to now."

"Still, the man has a point.  How about New 
Year's Day?"  The voice coming from behind 
them scared them both, especially when they 
turned and saw the source - Bill.

He smiled at their joint astonishment.  "Think 
about it, short stuff.  We're all here through 
New Year's weekend.  I'm sure you can get the 
paperwork handled in that time.  Make for a 
nice way to ring in the new year, wouldn't it?"

Scully was the first to recover.  She walked the 
few steps over to her brother and dragged his 
shoulders down so she could run her hand 
across the back of his neck.  "Who are you - 
and what have you done with my asshole 
brother?" she growled.

He batted her hand away.  "Hey, I know I'm 
thick as a brick, but even I can see the guy's 
not going anywhere.  Why not make an honest 
man out of him?"

She frowned slightly.  "Now I know I'm 
hallucinating," she said, crossing her arms.  
"What happened to 'he's only going to ruin your 
life, Dana'?"

Mulder finally recovered enough to step in, 
astonishing even himself when it was in Bill's 
defense.  "It's pretty revealing when you stand 
accused of something you weren't even aware 
of doing, isn't it?" he said in Bill's direction, but 
with a sympathetic look.

Bill dropped his gaze to the floor.  "Yeah.  Very 
revealing.  I had no idea -  "  He drew in a deep 
breath and looked Mulder in the eye, extending 
his hand.  "I have been an asshole to you for 
as long as I've known you.  I'm not usually like 
that.  I really was raised better than that.  
Please accept my apology."

Mulder grasped the outstretched hand and 
shook it firmly.  "Accepted.  Gratefully."

"So, about this wedding thing . . . " Bill said, 
changing the subject as only true manly men 
can do.  "Seriously, tomorrow is Friday, the 
county courthouse is open.  Go down there, 
get the license - "

"Do I get any say in this?" Dana interrupted.

All conversation ground to a halt as she eyed 
both of the men standing sheepishly before 
her.  After letting them both squirm for a few 
heartbeats she shrugged.  "Oh, all right.  It just 
means I get to hit the after Christmas dress 
sales a little harder this year."

Mulder reached out his arm and pulled her to 
his side.  "You're sure."

"I really don't care when and I'm not that 
interested in where.  I just want you to be 
there.  And William.  And if the rest of the 
family can see it, who am I to stand in the 
way?"

"Stand in the way of what?"  The three turned 
and saw Maggie coming down the stairs, a 
tissue still clutched in her hand.  "What's going 
on now?" she sighed tiredly.

"I think I'll go see what we can do to salvage 
that dinner we screwed up.  I'll be in the 
kitchen," Bill said and as he passed Mulder he 
distinctly heard the other man mumble 
'chickenshit' close to his ear.  Bill just beamed.

"Dana, what is going on?" Maggie asked again, 
crossing her arms and glowering.

"May I?" Mulder asked his partner.  "It's 
traditional."  Scully rolled her eyes but smiled 
and nodded her approval.

"Maggie, your daughter just proposed to me 
and I'd really like to have your permission to 
marry her," he said, taking the older woman's 
hand in his.

Her eyes grew wide and she seemed to not 
breathe for a moment.  Mulder began to panic 
but then with tears flowing freely, Maggie 
grabbed him by the shoulders and hugged him 
for dear life.  

"Yes.  Yes, of course!  Of course you have my 
permission," she choked out.

The roast was a little dry, but the gravy 
covered a multitude of sins.  Bill proved that 
even officers in the Navy could make mashed 
potatoes and with Tara's help the meal was 
recovered and dinner was served just an hour 
and a half behind schedule.  Maggie had 
demanded a full explanation of what had 
occurred in her absence, but no one seemed 
willing to go through it all again.  Finally, she let 
the matter drop and settled in to enjoy a very 
different atmosphere.

Bill was loading the dishwasher when Charlie 
came in with a load of plates.  Bill looked over 
at his brother.  "I loved her, too, Charlie.  She 
was . . . she was the best sister-in-law I could 
have had."

Charlie bit his lip and nodded but before he 
could turn away Bill had him in a bear hug.  
"Let it go, Charlie," he said with a hitch in his 
voice.  "Just let it go."

That's how Mulder found them a few minutes 
later.  Charlie broke away, wiping at his eyes.  
"So, I guess we have a lot of work ahead of us.  
A wedding, huh?"

"Yeah, a wedding.  In a week," Mulder said.  "I 
was wondering - um, Dana's asked Tara and 
her mom to be her attendants.  Would you two 
mind - "

Charlie chuckled and looked over at Bill.  
"Another bachelor party?" he asked.

"Do you think the prosecutor ever decided to 
drop the charges after the last one?" Bill 
replied cryptically.

"We're not in jail," Charlie pointed out.

"True, but we've both been at sea," Bill 
responded.

"Maybe I'll just go stag," Mulder interjected.

"No, no.  It's a family affair," Bill objected.  "I'm 
sure we can find a place that will let us in.  We 
might have to go one county over."  He clasped 
his hand on Mulder's shoulder.  "We'd be 
honored to stand up with you."

"Or lean near you, as the case may be," 
Charlie added.

To be continued . . . after the New Year.