Theatre of the Mind ~ Fire

Prepare your flamethrowers! As I said this morning, this episode is one of my "guilty pleasures" and while many absolutely hate it, I love it. So in honor of the All Star game, here I am pinch hitting again at Paula's request with another Theatre of the Mind!

1. It's jolly old England; older man bidding goodbye to younger wife. Translation from Olde English: Baby, you really light my fire!

2. And just who is that creepy gardener doing a slow burn in the mums?

3. Well, goodbye darling. I say, my arm is on fire.

4. Well done! Yes, I'd say he is.

5. Mulder & Scully trade mutant-busting for good old boring jurisprudence.

6. I bet if Mulder didn't have so many books, he would've carried Scully's too.

7. Agent Mulder forget to lock the door? Not bloody likely!

8. Somehow when Mulder inserted the tape, I was expecting "Twilight Time." (Maybe that's only out on CD.)

9. The tape isn't a real threat, it's just someone blowing smoke. Surprise, it's Mulder's old "flame," Phoebe Green, Terror of Scotland Yard.

10. Some mistakes ARE worth making twice. Note to Mulder: this isn't one of them.

11. Scully looks royally PO'd when she gets out of the car. I don't think she cared much for Phoebe's little prank, nor her paws (and lips) all over Mulder.

12. "She hates me." You got that right, sister. Her and about 5 million other loyal shippers!

13. Phoebe lays out the plot, Mulder puts foot on desk, exposing sensitive body parts. Perhaps to prove that nobody's got him by the nugs.

14. She's right, Mulder can't resist a three-pipe problem.

15. Phoebes departs. Oh, Agent Scully, are you still here? Goodbye.

16. LOVE the Scully wave! Ta-ta! Two can play at that game.

17. Guess Scully is a little more familiar with Moby Dick than Sherlock Holmes. (And for the benefit of Agent Scully and others in the audience, "three-pipe problem" comes from a dialogue between Holmes and Watson in the Red-Headed League written in 1891. When Watson asks what he's going to do, Holmes replies, "To smoke. It is quite a three pipe problem, and I beg that you won't speak to me for 50 minutes." Now don't say you never learned nothin'' from TOTM.)

18. Mulder shares his deep, dark past with Scully. "Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower."

19. "I was merely extending her a professional courtesy" "Oh, is that what you were extending?"

20. Stop the presses: Saints preserve us, sexual innuendo from Agent Scully? Wait till I cover my virgin ears.

21. Speaking of sexual innuendo, Agent Beatty needs to get out of the arson lab more often! I BET he'd like to be in Mulder's shoes.

22. "People don't normally just catch on fire." Agent Beatty obviously hasn't spent much time around the XF.

23. Dear diary: Today my heart leapt when Agent Beatty suggested spontaneous human combustion. Oops. That's an entirely different episode.

24. Hmm, the creepy gardener is now Bob the caretaker. Bet Old Smokey wishes he could light up like that.

25. Hey, you burn up as many guys as you want, but don't you kick that dog you big meanie!

26. The game is afoot, Watson, but I don't need your help on this one. Translation: I don't want you around when I make a fool of myself again.

27. Mulder confesses his fear of fire, literal (burning house) and figurative ("Phoebe is fire"). Okay, I'm starting to catch on now. Mulder wants to prove to himself that he can survive another run-in with Phoebe!Fire and that's why he's letting himself be drawn to her again. He's not attracted to her anymore, he just wants to prove something to himself. I knew there had to be an explanation!

28. "Sooner or later a man's gotta face his demons." Sooner: now; later: See Season 4.

29. That little flaming finger trick always impresses the babes.

30. Leaving Watson behind, Sherlock and Professor Moriarity . . .opps, I meant Phoebes visit the witness in the hospital. Have I ever mentioned that I just love the way Mulder says "hello"? Everytime I hear him say it, my heart goes pit-a-pat.

31. Sherlock reminisces about "youthful indiscretions on a misty night in Windlesham" and lets Phoebes distract him from doing his job properly.

32. "I'm cursed with a photographic memory." Then don't let it fail you now!

33. While the "game" is afoot for Sherlock, in more ways than one, thankfully Watson is back at the Hoover doing all the work. I don't think Scully's doing all this for her "edification." I think "Watson" has something to prove to "Sherlock" and she's determined to solve this case to show Mulder and Phoebe exactly what she can do. You go, girl It's PROFILER!Scully!Watson!

34. "I'm just not used to someone so quick to agree with me." No s***, Sherlock.

35. Let's set a trap. Somehow, I think the traps Mulder and Phoebe are setting aren't one and the same.

36. I'm never staying at the Venable Plaza. What kind of bellhop hands over your suitcase when you're barely in the room? Maybe they're familiar with Mulder's tipping history.

37. Love Bouncing!Mulder as Sherlock tests the bedsprings.

38. Saved by the bell! Scully's phone call serves the same purpose as a bucket of water on a campfire.

39. "it's Scully, where are you? BUSTED!

40. Okay, now we're getting to the truly good stuff. Reason #1 to love this episode: TUXEDO!MULDER We won't see that again till when? HAD?


41. What happened to being careful and discreet? This is how you protect people? By waltzing around and making lovey-dovey in the vestibule while everyone else is in the ballroom?

42. "Doesn't look like your arsonist is going to make an appearance." "That doesn't mean there won't be any fires to put out." Said the spider to the fly.

43. Love the Scully reaction sigh when she first spies Mulder & Phoebes dancing and again when she sees them kiss. Translation: "Oh, brother!"

44. Keep in mind what I said before: Mulder's just testing himself to make sure he can win the game against Phoebe this time. Repeat: This is a test. This is only a test. Had this been a real emergency, Scully would have drawn her service weapon and put a hole in Mulder to save him from himself.

45. Just in time, there's a fire and Scully gets to do the next best thing. She gets to put a stop to this seduction!

46. I think Mulder is just a little surprised to see Scully. That is definitely the Panic Face. OKAY, IT'S SAFE TO COME BACK IN THE WATER.

47. Well, Mulder has faced the figurative fire and now must face the literal.

48. Fire: 2. Mulder: 0.

49. I thought you weren't supposed to use an elevator in a fire? I guess that doesn't count if you started the fire.

50. LOL - Scully sometimes forget she's a doctor, but the firefighters seem to know right off the bat. "Miss, can you take over?"

51. Phoebe sends congrats all around while Scully is left to tend to Mulder. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

52. Mulder!Torture, Scully!Comfort. My favorite combination.

53. Don't baby me, Mommy. On second thought, a little babying never hurt anyone.

54. Well, Mulder finally got to use the bed and I think this is definitely a better use for it than the one previously implied.

55. Reason #2 to love this episode: Just who do you think took him out of that tux? Elementary, my dear Watson.

56. Reason #3 to love this episode: black silk boxers. Woo hoo! Nuff said.

57. Reason #4: Half nekid Mulder. Love how he parades around in front of Scully but modesty prevails when Phoebe enters. Or could it be that he doesn't want Phoebe to get the wrong idea about him and Scully?

58. Thanks for coming to see how I was, Phoebe. I'm fine, thanks to DANA!

59. Also love how Scully doesn't excuse herself when Phoeobe's around. MamaBear protects her cub again! You hurt him once, Beastwoman; and I'm here to see that you don't do it again.

60. Phoebe's gone again and Mulder's got that "I've been played for a fool" face.

61. But Watson finally gets to play Sherlock as Scully is thoroughly enjoying dragging out giving all the answers to Mulder in usual Mulderesque fashion.

62. But I think while she's talking about fuels and accelerants she's really thinking, "Is it true what they say about the size of a man's feet?"

63. Scully finishes her story and Mulder has an epiphany, which is reason for him to shed his clothing once again. Well, you'll get no argument from me.

64. So Mulder bounds off for Cape Cod. What, forget to pack your cell phone?

65. But thankfully, lack of cell phone means Mulder finds Phoebes in the arms of another. What can I say, Mulder, you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.

66. Scully arrives and is immediately concerned. "What's the matter?" "Nothing.". Precursor to "I'm fine."

67. Let's all cower in fear while the guy who's afraid of fire tries to put out the flames with a towel.

68. Okay, everybody out but Scully. I know who I can trust now. I've faced down the figurative and now I'm off to face the literal again. Fire: 2. Mulder: 2.

69. Phoebe is finally good for something, as she douses L'ively with accelerant.

70. OT: DD burns hand for sake of realism. What a guy!

71. Would you like L'ively regular or extra crispy? Extra crispy, I think.

72. Reason #5 to love this episode: Mulder!Glasses! and #6: Scary!Scully!Phoebe Impressionist!

73. Maybe Twilight Time is on THIS tape. Oh, I forgot we're waiting for the CD.

74. Be sure to take Scully someplace nice for lunch, Mulder. Not the sandwich wagon again.

75. Fifth and sixth degree burns? Is there such a thing?

76. And the LAST AND BEST reason to love this episode: Despite the inclusion of Mulder's old "flame" and lots of "fire," the only "sparks" I saw were between Sherlock and Watson. And after viewing, I was convinced that a relationship should be "kindled" between these two. But how to get them together? Now THERE's a three-pipe problem!

Sorry this is so late, but got home late from work. So go ahead, flame away!

With apologies to the Masters Paula and Amy, I remain,

Polly (coughing from smoke inhalation)