Theatre of the Mind ~ Gender Bender

1. Does anybody disco anymore?

2. Apparently they do.

3. Boy meets girl, boy takes girl to hotel, boy and girl have sex, girl kills boy, girl turns into a boy. Oh, boy.

4. If this cheating hubby wanted sex to die for, he got his wish.

5. Germantown, Maryland, "outside Washington, D.C."? Waaaaay outside. Trust me, I know. I drive by there almost every day on my way to and from work.

6. Detective says guy blew an artery; original script says guy's crotch starts to rot away. Sorry we missed that!

7. Love Smirky!Mulder after detective says, "Must've been some roll in the hay."

8. Mulder Slide Show! Yippee!

9. Radar Love! (Brief musical interlude: When she's lonely and the longing gets too much, she sends a cable coming in from above. Don't need no phone at all, we've got a thing that's called Radar Love. We've got a wave in the air, Radar Love.") Now back to our program.

10. "Hold onto your hat, Scully, cause you're gonna looooove this!" Directed by Rob Bowman, first of many.

11. This guy is a walking aphrodisiac. He's the ultimate sex magnet. I was talking about Mulder, who were you talking about?

12. "Indeterminate height, weight, sex, unarmed, but extremely attractive." Scully makes a funny.

13. Moose & Squirrel link the crime to the Kindred, an isolated religious sect, famous for their abstinence and their pure Christian ways. Mulder & Scully ought to fit right in.

14. As Hick!Mulder visits the feed store, Scully makes nice with the locals and pets the horsey.

15. "We named her all together." I thought her name was Alice. LOL. Sorry, that cracks me up.

16. I've seen Moose and Squirrel do that thumb-rub thing a hundred times and it has NEVER had that desired effect on either of them. Are you kids taking notes?

17. Good thing brother Andrew has that gift because he is the homeliest lady-killer I have ever seen.

18. I believe the Kindred are supposed to have a slow moving vehicle sign.

19. "There's something up there Mulder." "Oooh, I been saying that for years."

20. Map-impaired Mulder gets lost in the woods. No wonder. The map looks like the placemat from the local Dennys.

21. But Scully defers and lets Mulder read the map, as she knows that men have superiority in these matters. Why? Because only a man could believe that ╜ inch is equal to one mile. ::snort::

22. Remember, he's never been wrong. Not driving, anyway. Walking is another matter. "That's west."

23. Are they a good team or what? Mulder punts to Scully, Scully makes the catch to win the big game!

24. The Kindred come out of the woodwork, so to speak.

25. Moose & Squirrel hand over their weapons and then get invited over for dinner.

26. Wouldn't you know it. Scully remembers she's a doctor but she's not allowed to use her healing skills on choking man.

27. They're creepy and they're spooky . . . "The Addams Family finds religion."

28. "Maybe they went to the movies." That's right, Mulder. They went to see "Witness." Perhaps you can use them as your lifeline one day. Oops, sorry, they don't have telephones.

29. Mulder wants to crash the Kindred par-tay.

30. Meanwhile, Scully and Brother Andrew have their own par-tay.

31. Mulder can't find his way around the forest, but he maneuvers through the catacombs of the cellar like an old pro.

32. Scully is a little concerned that Marty and Brother Andrew enjoy the same subscriptions as her partner.

33. There he goes stickin' his fingers where they don't belong AGAIN!

34. Mulder finds choking man in the cellar going through a rather "unusual" transformation. There must be some kind of mistake. I signed up for the aromatherapy treatment

35. Protective!Mulder to the rescue. "Get off of her." And then he fixes her shirt and coat. Awww!

36. Mulder can't seem to decide whether he should hold Scully's hand or put his arm around her shoulder. Maybe both! He's got the quickest hands in the east!

37. Do you think Scully had this same look after she and Mulder had sex? (You know they did!)

38. Personally, I think this is what Scully might have looked like if SHE were that stoned (see Deep Throat).

39. Pukin'!Scully. Get used to it, Mulder!

40. Do you think that Ratboy Krycek is talking to CSM on his cell phone? What do you mean it's not Krycek? Oh, yeah, I forgot.

41. Sorry, can't watch the coffee in the car scene without thinkin' of the Season 1 Bloopers.

42. "I saw you about to do the wild thing with some stranger." The wild thing, naked pretzel, po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to . . .

43. I think Krycek . . . er, Michael, is a little more concerned about possibly having done the wild thing with a guy than he is about nearly being killed. Guess that will change once he sees Mulder in Red Speedos.

44. "Scout's honor." Jokes on you, Krycek . . . er, Michael. He was an Indian Guide.

45. Marty figures out that his/her little science experiment is about to come to an end and delivers his/her soliloquy. Does this mean he/she is an alien? I'm very confused.

46. "Delivery." Sounds suspiciously like "Candygram!"

47. Ewww! Scully takes a header over the dead body.

48. Ouch!! Mulder gets bopped in the head not once but twice AND he drops his gun (again!).

49. Scully sitting up face to face with corpse. Too funny.

50. Is this the ONLY time Scully has not stopped to check on Injured!Mulder before proceeding? He's not gettijng up, Scully! What's more important? Catching this murderer, or checking on Mulder? Get your priorities straight, girl!

51. Good going, Mulder. Distract Scully so SHE can get bopped in the head.

52. I imagine it's bad enough that your "kindred" have to come and collect you and are taking you off for who knows what kind of punishment. But to have that happen while you're wearing tightie whities and tube socks. How embarrassing.

53. HE stopped to check on you, Scully. He's got HIS priorities straight!

54. Did the creepy shadows remind anyone else of "Ghost"?

55. All that fresh cement and nobody wrote their name in it? These people are weird!

56. "They have no means of transportation." "No EARTHLY means of transportation."

57. All that's left is a circle in the hay field. "Must have been some roll in the hay."

With apologies as always,