Theater of the Mind ~ Ghost in the Machine

Paula posted earlier that she would not be able to do a Theatre of the Mind for Ghost in the Machine and asked if I'd be willing to take a crack at it. So, with apologies to the Master Paula, here is my lame attempt at stepping up the plate (gotta remember hips before hands!)

1. Tonight on the X-Files . . . the Bill Gates story.

2. Hey, folks, on that new show "Big Brother" - you might want to watch this episode for insight on the dangers of too many video cameras.

3. XF History is Made: The first of many to be offed in the bathroom.

4. But it's nice to know that if you gotta go, you can reach out and touch someone before you do. (And get the correct time!)

5. Having a key to the executive washroom is not everything it's cracked up to be. Ouch!

6. "File deleted." When God decides it's your time to go, do you think that's what He says?

7. Trick or treat! Who are you supposed to be? Mulder's old partner, of course!

8. Mulder, are you so cheap that you can't take the girl out for a nice lunch once in a while?

9. A hug and a deer-in-the-headlights look for old partner Jerry. Is there something you haven't told us, Mulder?

10. Poor Scully. All the abuse she takes and she has to buy lunch too. Eight million years out of Africa . . .

11. $8.50 for that? Is there no McDonald's near the Hoover?

12. I thought they called Scully the Iron Maiden. Oh, no, she's the Ice Queen, or Mrs. Spooky.

13. I'm not a pain in the ass to work with? Scully, tell me more!

14. "I was gunnin' for a basement office with no heat or windows." It's good to have career goals.

15. Smile, you're on candid camera!

16. Let's see . . . stuck in an elevator between the fourth and fifth floors with Mulder. What to do? Of course, call for help! Scully, tsk, tsk, tsk.

17. Hmmm. I thought Scully lived in Annapolis in Season 1. Why does she have a D.C. area code on her home phone/computer?

18. XF casting standards: Play a bad guy in Season 1, by Season 5 you can play a good guy.

19. Cameras in the bathroom too? (Are you paying attention, "Big Brother" people?

20. Yep, Scully, the guy who sent the evidence to the cleaners taught me everything I know. (But love that goofy-grin-nod.)

21. Mulder, you can look for your profile notes anytime as long as you keep your butt to the camera. Woo-hoo!

22. Yup, that's the profile I was looking for all right!

23. Aw, Scully knows Mulder's profiles when she hears 'em. Must be love

24. Ooooh, killer stare! Jerry, you are a dead man. (Well, I meant figuratively at this juncture.)

25. You guys are on candid camera again. Wanna make that honeymoon video now?

26. Hope Moose and Squirrel wore clean socks today!

27. Neat and scruffy. (Yeah, the IT guys where I work are like that too.)

28. Mulder speaks Greek too? Is there any language these two can't comprehend?

29. Sorry, Agent Mulder, Eurisko means "I discover things" not "I learn things." Well, it's all Greek to me! (Couldn't resist!)

30. I love Humble!Mulder; didn't know he was dazzling them on the highwire. Just doin' his job.

31. A computerspectrogram? I think Scully is not only a math geek but a computer geek as well.

32. Note to Jerry: Ex-partners of these two agents don't have a very long shelf life. Next time, let somebody go with you!

33. Special guest star: HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Don't open the pod bay doors, Dave.

34. Going down? That's an understatement.

35. Mulder Angst, nice Scully!Comfort. Awwww!

36. Mulder in shades on a park bench - everybody's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man!

37. I miss Deep Throat.

38. Brad, you're in jail for murder and all you're worried about is having to wear shoes?

39. Nice suit, Scully. Aww, more Scully concern. And nice double elbow touches.

40. Required FBI bedtime reading: "The Obstacle Course."

41. Boy, Scully thinks fast when awakened from a sound sleep. I can barely find the bathroom.

42. Oh my God! They're talking about Trojans . . . oops, false alarm. That's Trojan Horse.

43. "Open sesame."

44. Look out for the spiky door! How are we gonna explain this to the motor pool?

45. I like a man who knows his way around under the hood.

46. Walking up 28 flights? Oy vey. I'm tired just thinkin' about it.

47. Scully needs training in Flashlight Handling 101 - we see a lot of Mulder's tie in these scenes.

48. Agent Scully gets a boost from Agent Mulder and once again shows her miraculous precognitive ability for knowing when to wear a skirt and when to wear slacks.

49. C'mon Scully, get those little legs moving! We haven't got all day. We're in a killer building here.

50. Why, hello, Mr. Petersen. I was just out trick-or-treating and this looked like the kind of place that would have the good candy! (Scully, where are you?)

52. My, unusual weather we're havin' in the air vent, ain't it? Just a tad windy!

53. She can't hold the flashlight, but she can shoot straight while being sucked into a big vacuum fan. You go, girl!

54. It's Super!Scully to the rescue! Just in time to save Mulder's floppy disk.

55. Scully, don't listen to him, and by the way, this is a new look for you, isn't it?

56. It's time to decide who you trust, Scully. Mulder or your friendly U.S. government? We knew you'd make the right choice all along!

57. I really miss Deep Throat, did I mention that?

58. My X-Files mantra: "I'm gonna figure this thing out if it kills me."

So there you go; I did my best for this not-very-well-loved episode! Thankfully, Paula has promised to return for the very-well-loved (and very rockin' episode) "Ice."

Polly (not Paula)