Theatre of the Mind ~ Shapes

I know that the LAST thing on everyone's minds tonight is the CTP TOTM for Shapes, but here it is anyway. Maybe it will take your mind off the New Guy for just a little while!

1. Tonight on the FOX network: When Good Guys Turn Into Werewolves II.

2. Don't need spooky goings on outside this house; there are plenty inside!

3. Oh, there's Dutch from Soap and Kid from The Young Riders. I watch waaaaay too much television!

4. These look like Hereford cattle to me, in case you'd like to know. I'm a 4-H livestock club leader. I know these things.

5. Dead cow is NOT a Hereford.

6. Kid is attacked by wild beast; Pa shoots wild beast which turns out to be a Native American man. Did this kind of thing happen on the Ponderosa?

7. Mulder & Scully question the Parkers but have a tough time believing someone who says he's not a killer while standing under a stuffed wolverine.

8. It's Cowboys and Indians 1984 style: a boundary dispute with the local reservation.

9. I think Sensitive Lyle would have preferred Scully to look at his scars. He is bonding with her.

10. "Don't you ever get the creeps, Agent Scully?" She refuses to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate her.

11. Based on the look she gives him, Mulder is thinking maybe HE gives Scully the creeps. Does she think he's Spooky?

12. Indian Guide see that tracks of man change into tracks of animal. He knows these things.

13. Is Scully taking a trip? What is with this big suitcase?

14. Nothing unexplainable about this case. Nothin' but this big old flap of skin! Does this give you the creeps, Scully?

15. TWC1: Mulder looks simply awesome when he exits the car at the reservation.

16. "We're not from around here." Duh.

17. M&S get a somewhat hostile reception at the reservation, lingering hostility over Wounded Knee thrown in for good measure and political correctness.

18. Native American Ish tells Mulder, "You don't believe in us, and we don't believe in you." Mulder wants to believe. He's got a poster to prove it.

19. Scully tries to blind them with science; Mulder's simply looking for a monster.

20. Scully's still got that suitcase. Is that autopsy in a box?

21. TWC2: Mulder in the Sheriff's office - Hoo boy.

22. Mulder will stick his fingers just about anywhere. In a dead guy's mouth with no gloves to get a look at his fangs. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

23. Scully and Sheriff offer plausible medical reasons for fangs. Mulder just shakes his head. You guys are gonna be sorry you didn't listen to him.

24. Sheriff says no autopsy, Scully says, look, I've got a big autopsy suitcase and I know how to use it.

25. Mulder tells Scully how J. Edgar himself opened the first X-File in 1946 and locked it away so people would forget. But . . .

26. "Here it comes." (LOL)

27. Mulder tells Scully about the legend of the Manitou; Scully tells Mulder about Lycanthropy, a form of insanity when people believe they can turn into a wolf. Mulder shakes his head again. Scully, Scully, why can't you believe me?

28. Call me crazy: I love M&S trudging around in their big boots.

29. TWC3: Mulder at funeral against gray sky. Holy flaming cow!

30. Scully reminds us she can be a tough FBI agent and a compassionate woman.

31. Shapeshifting? I thought only aliens did that?

32. Lyle's Dad is attacked and killed by the creature.

33. Indian Guide find clump of hair and more skin. Scully find caged mountain lion and naked man. (NOT Mulder, dern it!)

34. Scully just happens to have a blanket in those big trenchcoat pockets of hers!

35. Scully takes Lyle to the doctor and they bond over dead relatives. Scully offers comfort.

36. Mulder visits Ish and they bond over Manitou musings. Ish offers good nicknames: Running Fox or Sleeping Fox. "Just as long as it's not Spooky Fox."

37. If you get attacked by a Manitou, you become one. Okay, I think I got this figured out.

38. Mulder finds out that Lyle had traces of his father's blood type in his system; can only be there through ingestion. Ewwwww!

39. Gwen hears that she might become a Mani-too and tries to steal Ish's truck. Thankfully, she is stopped so she will be able to return and translate some Native American words for Scully in "Anasazi." (Thanks to eagle-eye SLS for that tidbit!

40. Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . . I always wanted to say that . . . the power is out. How convenient!

41. Suddenly, Scully is attacked and commits the mortal sin: she drops her flashlight.

42. Don't worry, Scully! Help is on the way. But those darn unreliable cell phones. Will they reach her in time?

43. The troops arrive! Why does Mulder whisper Scully's name when he's looking for her? Why doesn't he just yell, "Scully, Lyle is a manitou! Run for your life!"?

44. Mulder scares himself and blows the bear's head off. That bear is 0 for 2.

45. Where are those super duper hi-beam FBI issue flashlights when you need them?

46. TWC4: Mulder looks fine in silhouette as he meets up with Scully in the dark.

47. Luckily, the Sheriff comes to save the day.

48. Scully seems to have checked her brain at the Montana border in this one. She still doesn't get it even after Lyle is killed. Scully, even I had this one figured out back at #37.

49. Maybe Gwen saw something she wasn't ready to understand; maybe Scully did not. But Scully's still got her nifty boots.

50. Ish tells Mulder he'll see him in about eight years. Mulder says he hopes not. He plans to do only five seasons, but could sign for two more if he gets the right incentive. But he will DEFINITELY not be around for season 8 unless he gets some more money and only has to appear in about half of the episodes or less. No, Mulder says, you will probably see the NEW GUY in Season 9 - his name will be John Doggett but you can call him Mad Dog, or Bad Dog, or Hot Dog but just don't call him Spooky Dog.

51. TWC5: Mulder is looking REALLY good as he tells Ish goodbye.

52. You pretty much know you're in trouble when you have more Totally Worthless Commentary about an episode than you do about the episode itself. I don't mind telling you, I was really sweating how this TOTM was going to turn out.

53. But luckily, "they told me that even though my deodorant's made for a woman it's strong enough for a man." Hope I didn't stink the place up too much tonight.

With major apologies for interrupting New Guy Angst to offer up this CTP TOTM

Polly (who needs to apply more deodorant before sweating out wait until Season 8)