Theatre of the Mind ~ F. Emasculata

1. Looks like this guy is having a nice trip to the forest. Those always turn out just swell on the X-Files.

2. I bet those vultures are real scared of a guy going "shoo."

3. It's a dead warthog with some zits . . . lots and lots of zits. Pulsating zits.

4. I guess Clearasil isn't readily available to the warthog population in Costa Rica.

5. Mulder would have stuck his finger in that thing by now.

6. Ewww, right in the kisser!

7. These poor vultures can't get a break. Someone is always interrupting their dinner!

8. Well, Doc, don't say I didn't warn you this would happen. (See #1.)

9. Hey, Bobby, you got mail.

10. Leg of warthog. I guess you can buy just about anything on ebay.

11. Look out! It's gonna blow!

12. With all these exploding pustules in the area, Paul and Steve think it's the perfect time for a prison break.

13. "I don't think the guards are watching enough prison movies." LOL!

14. M&S are pretty quick to realize that there's something rotten in the state of Virginia.

15. Oh, oh. Mulder is antagonizing local law enforcement again. That's okay. Mr. Congeniality sends bundt cakes later.

16. M&S are in agreement that they need to pull a Paul Harvey and find out the rest of the story.

17. TWC1: Mulder, you can get in my way anytime! Woo hoo!

18. X-Files + Bathroom = Disaster. Everyone on XF should try to hold it if they can.

19. GA gets to make Dr. Dana Scully shine in this episode. She shows great determination in standing up to all who are trying to bully her. This is the Dana Scully we like to see! (Come on Season 8!)

20. M&S reach out and touch each other more in this episode than any other in Season 2. (Minds out of gutter, please. I'm talking about their cell phones!)

21. TWC2: Mulder on the phone. He can reach out and touch me anytime!

22. See #20 again. Everyone else is dressed in containment suits and Scully forges ahead with only a mask and a pair of rubber gloves.

23. It's Angelo, our favorite 1013 production assistant! He gets bopped on the head and infected in this episode, shot in "Talitha Cumi" (but then healed, so I guess that's not all bad), and bites the big one as one of the lover's lane lovers in "Milagro." He needs a better agent.

24. Angelo, did you learn nothing from #19 above? What did I say about bathrooms?

25. Do you think Scully feels remotely bad that because she opened that bag Dr. Osbourne gets infected?

26. Mulder has watched this show. He heads straight for the bathroom.

27. "Kid's got a lot of hair, probably absorbed the blow." Perhaps that's what has saved Mulder every time he gets bonked on the head! (No, I think my head like a rock theory still holds.)

28. TWC3: Smart aleck Mulder. Another woo-hoo!

29. We finally learn Mulder's badge number! Say it with me: JTT047101111.

30. TWC4: Mulder in the phone booth! Let you fingers do the walking, Fox.

31. I told you you needed a better agent, Angelo.

32. Piper's birthday sure gets used a lot (925 August Street). Have we seen any 424's yet? I gotta go back and review Season 7.

33. Package No. DDP112148. I wonder if Mrs. Carter likes her initials and birth date being used as the ID number for such a bundle of doom and gloom?

34. Time to call Mulder again to swap pulsating boil stories.

35. Sorry, I can't watch this scene with a straight face. "Wear the ted-dee. The ted-dee." (See Season 2 Blooper Reel.)

36. I give Elizabeth a lot of credit for trying to help Steve. Me, I'd be on the next bus to Toronto, eh?

37. TWC5: Big hoo-boy as they arrest Elizabeth.

38. Torn between his job and his conscience, Dr. Osbourne decides to confide in Scully, showing us that even the most unlikely of us can be a hero.

39. He also drops the little bomb that Scully may also be infected.

40. Tonight's Learning Channel Moment: the F. stands for Faciphaga Emasculata, a parasitoid.

41. TWC6: Tonight's Holy Flaming Cow moment: Mulder entering Skinner's office.

42. Double Holy Flaming Cow moment: Mulder spotting CSM.

43. Triple Holy Flaming Cow moment: Explaining about the escaped prisoners to CSM.

44. After "Colony/End Game" I was so sure Skinner was one of the good guys. Now he's back on the fence again.

45. CSM and (indirectly) Skinner tell Mulder he can't let people know the truth because it will cause panic which will also cost lives. (This will be important later.)

46. Mulder takes out his frustration on his seat belt.

47. Mulder tells Scully that they must let the people know the truth, but she warns against it based on what she knows about the case, not because she has a hidden agenda. (See #45.)

48. And naturally, Mulder listens to *her*. Because he trusts her.

49. M--"Are you okay in there, Scully?" (sniffle) "Yeah, I'm okay. All I want you to worry about is capturing that fugitive. Take care of yourself, Mulder." (tissues please).

50. GA shines again in the scenes where she takes the test to see if she is infected. Just the right amount of fear, hesitation, silent prayer, then determination to know the truth no matter how good or bad the outcome.

51. Many women lie to Mulder by saying "I'm fine," but eventually they tell him what he wants to know.

52. If I were the ticket lady, I'd sell this guy a ticket to anywhere asap.

53. Again you can see the determination in Scully that Dr. Osbourne not have died in vain. She'll see this story told no matter what.

54. TWC7: Oh, and thanks to that clingy little top, Scully's post-abduction boobs seem to have reappeared.

55. Somehow you just knew this kid was going to get between Mulder and some pulsating boils.

56. Mulder, it's the little woman again. I'd hate to see this month's cell phone bill, wouldn't you? I bet those roaming charges are murder!

57. "You okay, Scully?" ::::awwwww::::

58. This time, instead of urging Mulder to avoid danger to live and fight another day, Scully tells Mulder to get that evidence no matter what!

59. TWC8: Mulder getting on the bus.

60. "That's him. Right back there." Good move, Mr. Bus Driver.

61. Mulder proves he can be Mr. Calm, Cool & Collected when he needs to be. Paul is about to spill his guts when . . .

62. He spills his guts, quite literally.

63. TWC9: In Skinner's office. Lord have mercy.

64. Sk--"You really have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?" M--"I thought I was dealing with you." That just about says it all.

65. So Skinner assigned them to the case so they'd be discredited, but now he's trying to warn them "as a friend". He's standing on the line all right. Do you think in Season 8 we'll finally know for certain which side of the line he's on? I say yes, and it'll be the right side.

66. TWC10: M&S as they prepare to leave Skinner's office. This is the Holy Flaming Cow moment runner-up!

67. I think F. Emasculata is one of those middle-of-the-road episodes. You don't really love it and you don't really hate it. But I can honestly say that when I rewatched it again now, I LOVED it!!! Why? Because in this viewing I suddenly realized that even when they're far apart, they're a team. Although they're not on screen much together, I can no longer see one without thinking of the other. The moments they do spend communicating convey the emotions that each is feeling about the case and about each other. And if they could do that in Season 2, practice will make perfect in Season 8.

68. "This is just the beginning."

There you have it. Apologies as always.