Theatre of the Mind ~ D.P.O.

"D.P.O." is an episode that has the "Firewalker" syndrome-it has the misfortune to be the first MOTW following a very powerful mytharc. But "D.P.O."-a story spun from Chris Carter's idea about "Lightning Boy"-is a pretty good episode in its own right, and of course features an "electrifying" performance by future star Giovanni Ribisi.

1. Oh. My. Gawd. It's Phoebe's brother! This isn't going to be another one of those X-Files/Friends crossovers, is it? Could that BE any more annoying?

2. Besides which, I keep looking for him on "That 70s Show," since his wife on "Friends" is the mom on that show, but *her* husband is Bill Patterson ("Grotesque") and their daughter is Terri Roberts ("Syzygy") and this is just TOO confusing! (And I watch WAAAAAY too much TV.)

3. Virtua Fighter 2 . . . when you're feeling the need to blast the crap out of something.

4. "Maybe you didn't hear me right." Well, maybe if you'd stop MUMBLING!

5. No power. That's bad news on the XF. You better flee, pizza boy.

6. Cool tune. "Ring the Bells."

7. AB Pizza. Nobody cooks like Aunt Bea! I thought they only had outlets in Chaney, Texas?

8. Regardless, all their delivery guys seem to meet untimely ends. Don't think Jack has much chance of coming back to life, though. He's char-broiled.

9. OOOKKKLLLAAAHHHOOOMMMAAA! Been awhile since I've seen that on the boards! I miss it.

10. Scully questioning the most obvious answer?

11. Sheriff Teller is named for magicians Penn and Teller who expressed an interest in appearing in an XF episode. I think the Sheriff should take a cue from his namesake and keep his mouth shut. Why is he so hostile? Warning: bad things usually befall folks who mistreat our favorite agents!

12. Since Scully usually abuses Mulder in this fashion, she proves she can take it as well as dish it out.

13. TWC1: Speaking of Mulder, woo hoo! He's looking good as he leaves Scully to handle the Sheriff's tirade.

14. Scully knows a little about lightning . . . wind in kindergarten, lightning in first grade.

15. "Did you know lightning kills several people at home in the shower or on the phone?" Obviously Scully didn't or else she wouldn't have prepared to take a shower during a thunderstorm in the Pilot. Thankfully, she was interrupted by a trip to Mulder's hotel room in her underwear.

16. "That's because you didn't do your homework." Mulder's look says, "Oooh, she is going to hurt you, buddy!" But he doesn't "jump in" cause he knows Scully can handle things herself.

17. Oh. My. Gawd. This isn't continuity, is it? "After everything we've been through, after all that we've just seen . . ."

18. TWC2: Scully!Shades! Squatting!Mulder! Two big woo-hoos in one scene!

19. No trenchcoat, so gotta hang the glasses on the front of the coat.

20. I think Mulder is just itching to get his ya-yas out.

21. Leaping!Mulder gets all that from D.P.O.?

22. Did I say something about continuity before? According to the date on the video game, it's been five months since the events of "Paper Clip." I guess M&S have been in intensive therapy since April which now allows them to concentrate on MOTWs instead of important stuff like finding out who killed their father and sister, respectively. I guess this explains how Scully is able to put aside her desire to find Mulder to concentrate on MOTWs in Season 8: she's had lots of practice . . . lots and lots of practice.

23. Darren, the way to a girl's heart is not through day-old jelly doughnuts.

24. TWC3: Mulder questioning D.P.O. He is hot, hot, hot.

25. Mulder, is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

26. He's so hot he's on fire. And he burned his little fingers. Calling Dr. Scully . . . kiss it and make it better.

27. You know, every now and then I'm able to change my TV channels like that too. (At first I think I have this amazing ability, but usually I find I'm sitting on the remote or my dog is walking on it.)

28. Cows really get a bum steer on the X-Files. If they're not being exsanguinated, they're getting barbecued on the hoof.

29. Well, this is certainly a variation on cow tipping. Run cows, run! I suddenly want to go play my old Lou Christie album.

30. Getting struck by lightning did improve Darren's diction. I can almost understand him now.

31. I told you cows to run. You are "udderly" exasperating.

32. Scully's trenchcoat with the deep, deep pockets returns!

33. Tonight's educational moment: The Schuman Resonance is the vibrational frequency of the earth's electromagnetic field. Hope that clears things up. :::snort:::

34. "You see that, Sheriff? I did my homework." That's Mulderese for "You see that, Sheriff? You pick on my girl any more and I'll shove one of those lightning rods you're so proud of where the sun don't shine."

35. Now we know what Scully's been doing with all her lonely nights: Ceramic class!

36. Aw, she still smiled at his jokes back in the day.

37. You shouldn't have told him how you knew the shoe size, Scully. Remain a woman of mystery.

38. TWC4: Rolled shirtsleeves. Hoo-boy!

39. Darren and Zero's Excellent Adventure. Damn those ABS brakes for ruining all the fun!

40. Mulder and Scully's Excellent Adventure. Darren's bedroom.

41. Mulder *was* a little busy in April. ("April is the cruelest month.") I'm surprised he had a chance to read that issue. Guess he's had lots of time to catch up in the last FIVE MONTHS.

42. Scully looks surprised that Mulder knows the name of the garage where Darren works. Scully, if you expect to do those Mulder leaps in Season 8, you're gonna have to pay more attention.

43. First they put "Live Fast Diarrhea" on a tee-shirt, next thing you know, they'll be writing a song about it.

44. If William Shatner had presented more cases like this one, Rescue 911 might still be on the air. (With that Regis spin, of course-"Who *Wants* to be Rescued by 911?")

45. TWC5: M&S in the hospital. You're the Reason Gawd Made Oklahoma.

46. At least Mulder is announcing his leaps now.

47. "He *is* lightning and we've got to get to him before he *strikes* again." Yuk, yuk.

48. I've been to Oklahoma once and found it flat as a pancake. Guess Darren lives in Oklahoma's mountainous region.

49. "Are we supposed to charge him with assaulting a cellular phone?" You're too funny, Scully.

50. I suspect there would be quite a few Darren Oswald's if all remedial reading teachers looked like Mrs. Kiveat.

51. TWC6: Tonight's Holy Flaming Cow Moment: In Mrs. Kiveat's living room.

52. Everybody wants to be an Eve this season. Mrs. Kiveat: "I just knew."

53. Sheriff Teller, now that you have let Darren go, please refer to No. 11 above.

54. We interrupt this episode for a music video. Darren as Zeus standing on his Mt. Olympus Video Arcade tossing down lightning bolts at Zero. Loud rock music. No sex, but lots of violence. And slow motion.

55. Oh, oh. Power outage at hospital. You know what that means.

56. Mulder aims high, Scully aims low. What a team!

57. "I can hurt you too." Ummm, I'm tending to believe her.

58. Love the look Scully gives Mrs. Kiveat when she agrees to go with Darren. I'll translate: "What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do you think you're doing?"

59. You know when Darren is you know telling Mrs. Kiveat that they can you know go anywhere she wants to you know go, I wish he would like you know go back to you know mumbling, you know?

60. But gotta LOL when he boosts M&S's Taurus.

61. Sheriff, I told you you were a goner. See that? I did my homework.

62. Scully is back to her old ways of coming late to the par-tay. Where has she been all this time?

63. Darren's locked away, a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy kid. "You believe that, Scully? Neither do I." Ah, that unspoken communication.

64. Didn't I warn you about that diarrhea song? Speaking of diarrhea, what is that stuff on that cooking show?

65. CC's name reflected in Darren's TV screen. Is he reminding us it's just a TV show after all (wink)?

66. To steal a line I read somewhere, I guess this is just the story of a "Lightning Dolt," an Okie not from Muskogee but from Connerville, a place where even squares can have a ball (by causing crashes at the town's only stoplight), and where gettin' struck by lightnin' is still the biggest thrill of all.

67. I wish I could make this TOTM fulgurant (using my XF-enhanced vocabulary), but I'm but a mere mortal. If you have the ability to make it fulgurant, "feel free to jump in anytime."

Apologies to all of you (and to Merle Haggard). Enjoy!