Theatre of the Mind ~ The List

1. Ooohh, I'm *all* atingle! I have been waiting and waiting to do this TOTM tonight. I'm so excited, I can barely contain myself!

2. I just *love* this show, "The List," on VH1. Just in case you haven't seen it, they get four celebrities together with a celebrity moderator and they have to bring their three choices in answer to a question like "Greatest Rock Albums of All Time," or "Best TV Theme Song," or "Best Song for Which I Bought the Album, the Eight Track, the Cassette, and the CD."

3. My favorite "The List" was the one with the cast of "Return to Me." Bonnie Hunt was the moderator, and it had some of the other cast people. And, OMG, it had my FAVORITE actor on it-Don Lake! I was like so freaked out that he was really bald! I *never* would have got that from the movie!

4. Anyway, I couldn't *believe* it when I found out that the X-Files was doing an episode of "The List." And I get to do a TOTM of it! Okay, here we go. It's coming on now.

5. Hey, wait a minute. What is this? A prison? Some guy going to the electric chair? This isn't "The List." This is some guy promising that he's going to be reincarnated and come back and take revenge on five people. Maybe it's on another channel.

6. Okay, here we go. Tonight on "The List," Best Prison Songs. Hmm, that's spooky, huh? Oh, the moderator is Robert Downey, Jr. Commercial. Maybe I'd better pop back over to the X-Files and see what's going on there.

7. Oh, good timing! Slide show! First of Season 3!

8. TWC1: Woo hoo for looking good during the slide show!

9. "Woman on the block." If I were you, Mulder, I'd watch my step, too.

10. Well, no wonder the guy's got maggots if he's been laying there since yesterday unrefrigerated. I hope they don't show those maggots any more. Ewww.

11. I just somehow have the desire to sing, "Flies on my pillow . . .".

12. "I just keep my ass covered and my eyes peeled." Hope you don't get that mixed up.

13. Okay, I'm bored. Let's flip back to "The List." Somebody just put "Folsom Prison Blues" on The List. "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Cash." Another commercial.

14. Back to the X-Files. There's Psychic!Scully! What else would explain why she goes toward the empty showers? You know, Scully, it's probably not a good idea for a woman to wander around a prison alone.

15. "Not a place for a woman to be doing that alone." I just told her that.

16. Mulder's concerned cause Scully wants to leave so quick. :::sigh:::

17. Psychic!Scully looks back again. Just who *is* that prisoner? I'm sure we'll find out soon.

18. Eww! More maggots! Head in the paint can! I hope it's not Cerulean Blue. That color has a bum rap as it is.

19. Okay, I'm bored again. Back to "The List." Oh, oh. Alabama's "Love in the First Degree" just got removed! I might be missing some woo-hoo back on the X-Files. Better get back.

20. TWC2: Psychic!Polly was correct! Big woo-hoo while talking to Roque.

21. The warden is certainly uncooperative. I don't want to scare you or anything, but uncooperative law enforcement officers usually don't fare too well in the XF universe.

22. TWC3: Hoo-boy! Mulder with his jacket slung over his shoulder. Vogue!

23. I'm sure that the first rule in the prison guard rule book is "Should things gets tense, don't lose your head." You flunk, buddy.

24. M: "Unless he knew something we don't." S: "Like what? The secret password?" Scully is such a comedian (and she's good at figuring out passwords)!

25. M&S are at their best in the little exchange in Neech's library.

26. Yeah, Scully only gets five but the first two would probably be Mulder (if that's possible).

27. "I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?" Well, according to Scully in Season 4's "Tempus Fugit," the answer to that would be NO. S: "Mulder, you have never remembered my birthday in the four years I've known you." M: That's the way I like to celebrate them . . . it's every four years, it's like dog years that way."

28. But a sweet Scully smile! Awwww.

29. Bored again. Back to "The List." Okay, we're getting down to the top three now. Number 3: "Chain Gang" by Sam Cooke. Okay, I'll buy that. Better get back to M&S.

30. I guess it's too warm in Florida for the trenchcoat, so Scully is carrying her purse again!

31. TWC4: Mulder outside Danielle's house (admiring Scully's purse, I'm sure).

32. Slightly OT: Do you think Neech made up his list the same way they do on "The List"? Just curious.

33. M&S go to visit the executioner where it's raining maggots. You really don't need to catch them, Mulder. I think that qualifies as sticking your fingers in where they don't belong again.

34. Return of Squeamish!Mulder! I didn't think that anyone who would catch falling maggots would be squeamish about anything.

35. Neech seems to be appearing everywhere. He gets around more than Deep Throat.

36. Well, I'm bored again. Back to "The List." Oh boy, now we're up to number 2! It's "Jailhouse Rock," by Elvis Presley. "Do you realize how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one person has pulled it off, Elvis."

37. "A woman gets lonely . . . sometimes she can't wait around for a man to be reincarnated." I think she's talking to you, Mulder.

38. TWC5: Tonight's HFC Runner-Up Moment: Mulder in the warden's office. Oh my.

39. Okay, they should be up to number 1 on "The List," so let's go check that out. And the winner is . . . "I Fought the Law and the Law Won," by the Bobby Fuller Four. Good choice! "Robbin' people with a six gun . . ." (don't forget those drum beats). Yeah! That was a good choice! Okay, let's see if the end of the X-Files is just as good as "The List." Back for the big finish!

40. Well, everyone's killing everybody else . . . yada, yada, yada. Is it really Neech? Is it everybody's fear of Neech? Here's tonight's I Don't Know Moment: I don't know. (But worse than that, I don't really care.)

41. Chris Carter is certainly doing some artistic directing here. Have you noticed that just about everything is shot *through* something (like a window, or a screen, or a door, or the prison bars, or shadows created by venetian blinds)? Fine job, Chris. Keep it up.

42. M&S were on their way out of town but Scully wants to know, "Why are we stopping?"

43. TWC6: So he can out of the car with his rolled up shirt sleeves and look so darn gorgeous! Isn't that reason enough?

44. TWC7: Tonight's HFC Moment: Scully, who usually wants to get out of the car, gets back *in* the car and leaves Mulder to ponder what it all means. Holy Flaming Cow!

45. Hmmm, there's the warden. I thought he'd have been a goner by now.

46. Shoo, fly, don't bother me . . .

47. Oops. Sorry for nitpicking, but didn't we see this car crash in "Fresh Bones"? It even looks like the same tree.

48. Well, the episode is over and I'm left with one thought: I wonder where my flyswatter is?

49. Watching these two shows simultaneously got me to thinking tonight. I think we could make up an X-Files "The List" game! We make up categories like "X-Files Episodes I Would Want if I was Stranded on a Desert Island," "Best X-Files Episodes to Cry Along With," "X-Files Episodes with the Best Mulder Hair," "Best X-Files Episodes to Watch While Cleaning Your House," "Best X-Files Episodes Where Mulder Drops His Gun," "Best X-Files Episodes When Scully Drives," etc., etc. We pick four Philes to be on the panel, and we pick somebody to be the moderator, the panelists give their three picks in the featured category, everybody gets to take one pick off the list, and then all the other X-Philes get to vote for the top three! Wow, I think we've got something here. As long as we don't get Regis to host, I'm there!

50. I could probably never play this game, though, cause when they tell me to make my picks, you know what I'd say: "I only get five?"

Well, they can't all be as inspiring as CBFR. Speaking of which, thanks to Amy for the shout out and thanks to everyone for the nice comments and emails. They are very much appreciated. "I do it all for you."

Apologies as usual for this one, though, and if ever a TOTM needed apologies, it's this one. Think I'll go watch that "Return to Me" version of "The List" again before I retire for the evening, just to see that "dreamboat" Don Lake again. I don't remember who else was on the panel on that show, but I'll be sure to check it out tonight. Must be *somebody* else I know!