Theatre of the Mind ~ Nisei

1. I hear the train a-comin', it's comin' round the bend.

2. 82594-The official guide tells us that the number on the train car is the date that God CC first stepped behind the cameras to direct "Duane Barry." Glory days, they'll pass you by . . .

3. Yeah, that's a bleeping dead alien body if I ever bleeping saw one. (No girly scream, though.)

4. TWC1: Now just let me say that when an episode starts with a shot of Mulder footwear, you just know it's going to be a good one.

5. "That's not your usual brand of entertainment." Scully just loves to get Mulder on those porno references, doesn't she? (And love the smile and laugh from M.)

6. But I wish Mulder would get a nail file and quit using that letter opener. It's nice to know that it survived the basement fire as I think he most recently used it for the same purpose in "Alpha."

7. Good to know Mulder uses more than the tabloids to pick his cases. (But, Mulder, I bet if you'd used you'd have gotten a bigger discount!)

8. Did Scully just admit she watched that alien autopsy on FOX? Professional courtesy?

9. As usual, Mulder gets Scully's reaction before he brings on the zinger.

10. Allentown, Pennsylvania. Think when we were young and foolish and didn't know what a bearing those two words would have on future events.

11. Looks like someone let the rat *in*, and the body's still warm.

12. Written by the X-Files (early years) Holy Triumvirate: CC, Spotsy, and Howard Gordon. The big guns . . . must be an important episode.

13. We have Action!Mulder in this episode. Vaulting over fences, running down suspects, taking karate kicks, showing off his amazing new ankle holster! Nice break from the cerebral stuff; my brain needs a rest now and then!

14. "I got tired of losing my gun." Now who on earth would notice how many times Mulder has lost his gun in XF episodes? (13 times up to now (twice in "3"); this makes 14).

15. Where are those nifty X-Files subtitles when you need them? I think we're missing out on some really good Japanese expletives here.

16. Where's Scully during all this? What'd she have to do back at the house that was so important?

17. TWC2: Amy is right when she says that this entire episode is Mulderific. Like in the police station hallway. Woo hoo!

18. Skinner . . . "a beacon in the night." I read a fanfic once that expanded on this comment by Mulder. It was very educational.

19. Do you think Skinner bought the video piracy thing?

20. TWC3: Mulder thinking about keeping his nose clean and big bad Skinner. Both MANLY MEN!

21. Skinner, you need to be more specific; you know Mulder will find a loophole if there is one. You only told *him* to go back to D.C.

22. And he's going back "like a good boy." It's comments like these that get those little fanfic pencils moving.

23. TWC4: Almost the HFC moment as Mulder dons his "One Breath" super stud outfit of jeans and black mock turtleneck. Hoo boy! If this isn't the HFC moment, what could be?

24. But the fashion foul goes to Frohike: What was he thinking with that vest thing?

25. This nasty-looking character is listed as the "Red-Haired Man" in the credits; I think my TV's color needs adjusting. (And FWIW, sorry to say it but actor Stephen McHattie reminds me of-guess who?-our new man Doggett. Every time I see Robert Patrick, this is who I think of.)

26. Whether intentional or not, when Penny Northern speaks the immortal line, "She is one," it takes me back to "Red Museum" where she played the mom and the catchphrase was "He is one."

27. The Allentown Group is more than supportive, but Scully can only retreat. Still not ready to face her returning memories?

28. Meanwhile, Mulder is off breaking and entering. I'm still really not sure what he's doing there, but he's looking pretty good while he's doing whatever it is he's doing.

29. Mulder must be incredibly smart and incredibly lucky and all these Black Ops Units that keep chasing him must be incredibly incompetent. He continues to escape time after time, no matter how overwhelming the odds against him. None of them heard that big splash? (They deduct points for that in the Olympics, you know.)

30. Guess Scully didn't get the pamphlet that says you're supposed to carry your implant around with you in a nice little vial.

31. Scully is going to get cancer because of what they've done to her? No, that wouldn't happen, would it? And Mr. Bruckman said that Scully won't die! We were singin' . . .

32. There's Mulder and he's lost his overcoat. He looks cold. I'd like to warm him up.

33. Again, the warehouse is surrounded by security but Action!Mulder deftly avoids the impenetrable shield and gets a good look at the . . . what is that?

34. Now Mulder has lost his tie and his shirttail is hanging out. Keep going, FBI man.

35. No electricity. What do I keep telling you guys about that?

36. I think this is about the third or fourth time that Mulder and/or Scully have pulled their guns on their boss. I'd be satisfied to tell mine to go to h*** once in awhile.

37. "I think we can assume he wasn't diving for pearls." I guess that's how you stay out of trouble when you pull your gun on the boss; laugh at his lame jokes.

38. There goes Skinner walking that line again. At least he gave Mulder notice that he's leaving him to twist in the wind.

39. Senator Matheson gets to call him Fox, in fact everybody gets to call him Fox except Scully. Makes Mulder that much nicer a pet name, don't you think?

40. But what exactly happened to Mulder's hair before he got to Matheson's office?

41. TWC5: Well, the more I look at it, I like it.

42. "Monsters begetting monsters." I don't like the sound of that.

43. TWC6: And here it is, tonight's Holy Flaming Cow Moment. You knew it would be! Return of Mulder!Glasses! Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

44. Mulder, you sent her on a mission. Did you forget was it was? Some eidetic memory.

45. "But you're fine, aren't you, Scully?" I'm glad that was his first thought, anyway.

46. "That is disturbing. But I don't think you should freak out until we find out what this thing is." Thanks, Mulder, I'm sure that's very comforting when you've just learned you might be dying.

47. The 731 reference at last. All this human experimentation . . . first the Nazis, now the Japanese. Can CSM and his cronies be far behind?

48. "Scully, after all you've seen . . . after all you've told me you've seen . . ." Well, hallelujah! At last it's confirmed that M&S *do* talk to each other when they're not on camera. Makes you wonder what else they do when they're not on camera, doesn't it? (wink, wink)

49. "Believing's the easy part, Mulder. I just need more than you. I need proof." "You think that believing is easy?" What a nice insight into our Agent Mulder.

50. The first appearance of the oh-so-sweet Agent Pendrell, head of the Sci-Crime Lab, who would climb the highest mountains and swim the deepest seas for Agent Scully. I wish Pendrell was still around; I'd like to see him working with Scully in the search for Mulder in Season 8.

51. Scully seems incredulous when Pendrell says the chip is man-made. Did Skeptical!Scully think there could be any other possibility?

52. So Scully's implant can be used to record, track, and possibly alter her memories? Good thing she had that thing removed.

53. TWC7: Two Mulder footwear shots in the same episode? You know Polly is drooling now. No Timberlands, but some nice new black boots to go with that "pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching" outfit.

54. And he's got his cute little "Fight the Future" mini-binoculars! But what is that thing they are putting in the train car?

55. Scully is watching the alien autopsy video pretty much the same way I watch these episodes to do these TOTMs: forward, pause, rewind, frame advance, etc., etc.

56. So Dr. Ishimaru was somehow in on Scully's abduction and he's in this alien autopsy. It's a small world after all.

57. I'm still not clear why Doggett . . . I mean the Red-Haired Man killed the guy in the bathroom. This is requiring too much thinking. Where's Action!Mulder when you need him?

58. Ah, there he is. Mulder, you can't park there. Do you want your rental car to get towed?

59. Don't all the alien train cars roll up to Vancouver?

60. Scully's not the least bit intimidated by Mr. X, but I guess she doesn't want to take a chance not believing him when he says Mulder is in trouble.

61. "Let it go." "I can't."

62. Before you decide on a course of action here, Agent Mulder, please think about what happened the last time you boarded a train car. And that one wasn't moving. And it was buried underground.

63. Now our friend nst reports that this scene was filmed near her parents' house and that she played on this bridge as a child. How cool is that? She also reports that her mom saw this scene being filmed and that Double D looked positively gorgeous in his leather jacket and funky poaching outfit (TWC8). She also notes that DD waved at her parents as he was filming the scene. This says to me that nst's parents are to blame for this blatant lapse of judgment that comes next. They were distracting him! (That was for you, nst. Love you, babe!)

64. Fox William Mulder, I have seen you do some boneheaded things in your day, but *never* something as stupid as jumping on a moving train with a cell phone in your hand. Did you want Scully to feel like it was the next best thing to being there? You couldn't have said, "Scully, I'll call you back," and stuck that thing in your pocket first? Jumping on a moving train takes *two* hands! What were you thinking? (I know, waving at nst's parents!) You are letting this Action!Mulder thing go to your head.

65. Well, all is not lost. Given the fact that he loses his cell phone almost as often as he loses his gun, he's probably got a spare cell phone strapped to his other ankle, don't you think? I guess we'll have to wait to find out.

66. To be continued . . .

67. I guess the moral of this story is that you get what you pay for, so when you think about the quality of these TOTMs, just remember how much you're paying to read them (lots cheaper than Mulder's video). "Well, what do you want for twenty-nine ninety-five?"

I'm sure this is not your usual brand of entertainment, but that's the way it goes.

With apologies as usual,