Theatre of the Mind ~ Syzygy

1. So we begin the alarming three-season trend of one word episode titles that begin with "S" and end with "Y": Syzygy, Synchrony, Schizogeny.

2. Syzygy: An astronomical alignment of three celestial objects: the sun, the Earth, and either the moon or a planet.

3. Okay, now that both guys from "Two Guys and a Girl" have been on the X-Files (Ryan Reynolds = Boom, this ep; Richard Ruccolo = Peyton Ritter, Tithonus), what about the Girl?

4. And isn't that Laurie Forman from "That 70's Show"? I guess pretty soon we'll see Red Forman as a guest star on the X-Files! Yeah, like *that* would ever happen!

5. Glad Boom didn't have those anti-lock brakes when Margi and Terri mentioned losing their virginity.

6. If Boom was thinking "deflowering," I don't think this was what he had in mind. I'd say he loves you-NOT!

7. Comity = An atmosphere of social harmony. But the sign says "Leaving Comity" . . . oh *now* I get it!

8. Kids, let's not argue. Scully, how many times has Mulder been wrong? Not driving, anyway.

9. Boom's funeral. Everybody around here remembers everybody back in kindergarten. I barely remember what I did yesterday.

10. I don't think Scully likes you apologizing for her, Mulder.

11. But . . . TWC1: Lurking!Mulder. Nice.

12. M: "You don't suppose she's a virgin, do you?" S: "I doubt she's even a blonde." Oooh, this ain't gonna be pretty, do you think? Don't ask me . . .

13. Since we're at #13, it seems like the appropriate time to mention that this was written by The Man himself. I can smell a voiceover looming in the distance.

14. I've never been to a funeral where the cremation was handled right there in the room. Pretty soon they'll be showing it on MTV sports.

15. TWC2: Shirtsleeves!Mulder. Woo hoo!

16. Grover Cleveland Alexander High School? Good thing that wasn't a Double Jeopardy question. (For the non-fanatics, this was the only wrong answer that DD gave during regular play on his celebrity Jeopardy appearance. Of course, he lost in Final Jeopardy, where the final answer/question was "Breakfast at Tiffany's"-the book Scully was reading in "War of the Coprophages." Now I'm scaring myself.)

17. Mulder, there you go apologizing for Scully again. She's *really* not going to like that, don't you think? Don't ask me . . .

18. TWC3: Lurking!Mulder again. He lurks with the best of them. Maybe he's on the Spoiler Board right now.

19. Probably just me, but I loooove the way his voice breaks when he says, "If it's no bother . . ."

20. Scully is mighty smug as she refuses to see the horned beast. "Sure. Fine. [SNAP!!] Whatever." ::::snort::::

21. What exactly is Mulder doing with Detective White's . . . kitty? (I was going a *whole* 'nother direction there, but this is a family TOTM!)

22. Didn't you just sigh when he said, ". . . but rigid in a wonderful way, not like she was today."

23. TWC4: Detective White, if you can't help him solve the mystery of the horny beast, I'd like to volunteer *my* services!

24. Too bad Madame Zirinka wasn't quite so psychic when she hired Donnie Pfaster to deliver frozen foods to the Twin Cities.

25. Tonight's worthless trivia moment: This episode originally aired on January 26, 1996, which closely followed a real syzygy of Mars, Mercury, and Uranus (just like in the episode)-although January 9 had the best alignment of the planets. What does this all mean? Don't ask me . . .

26. Followed by another worthless moment-TWC5: I predict that Mulder will continue to look good throughout this episode! And I also accept all major credit cards.

27. These girls are so young. There's definitely someone who's "babe-a-licious" in this episode, but it's not Scott.

28. "Hate him, hate him, wouldn't wanna date him." Me neither, really.

29. Lights out! That's a bad sign!

30. Scully arrives at the gym at 5:10 a.m.? What the heck time was basketball practice anyway? This is carrying "Midnight Madness" a little too far.

31. Now we come to the root of the "Mulder Ditch" problem. One woman's "ditch" is another man's "following up a lead."

32. What exactly are "naked movie star games"? Sorry I didn't have time to research this one on the net.

33. I just love these Scully scientific explanations. "Rumor panic." That's a good one.

34. TWC5: Mulder makes lots of good faces in this one, like right after Scully makes her little speech about not finding a single shred of evidence to support the wild allegations and then the lady finds bones.

35. Now it might just be me, but I think when Mulder says, "I know how much you like snapping on the latex," it sounds like he's speaking from experience!

36. I think Dr. Godfrey needs to attend the David Duchovny School of Cross-Dressing.

37. But I *do* believe it is Dr. Godfrey who is wearing Mulder's favorite perfume! (He's the only one who doesn't get sniffed eventually.)

38. You ever notice how M&S have all their big moments in hallways? What's up with that? Don't ask me . . .

39. This hallway moment is equivalent to a trip to the woodshed for Mulder as he gets called on the carpet by Scully (but TWC6, at least he's looking good and he gets to sniff her too).

40. Did ya see the way he sinks into the wall as Scully leaves? That's love, baby.

41. I'm glad to know Mr. Tippy was so well loved that he ended up being put out with the garbage.

42. The real X-File in this episode is finding out why any of these girls (especially Brenda) would attend Terri and Margi's birthday party in the first place.

43. Could it be . . . SATAN? (Just had a Church Lady moment!)

44. Just love Mulder making his Screwdriver Shake and CSS (Cigarette Smoking Scully). Can't you just picture these two at the local 7-11 picking up these little items? They probably just missed each other.

45. It's kind of funny that this planetary alignment thing has made Mulder kind of goofy and Scully kind of a bitch. I think her ranting as she paces in her hotel room is the adult equivalent of "Hate her, hate her . . ."

46. Although I live for Bach, tonight's musical interlude (accompanying the Keystone Kops movie on the TV) is Sabre Dance, written by Armenian composer Aram Khatchaturian (1903-1978). It was written in 1942 for the ballet Gayane.

47. And Mulder, trying to get a different channel by moving his remote to every possible angle-too funny!

48. Poor Detective White is having problems with her . . . kitty. (Don't go there!) Mulder offers comfort (but just so he can sniff her too).

49. What willpower! She wants to solve the mystery of the horney beast and he just wants to watch TV. That's cause he knows his *true* love is in the next room!

50. Note for future reference: When in flagrante delicto, lock door.

51. Detective White/Mulder suffer from Scully Interruptus (what a great look on her face!), but there are more important questions to be answered here. Like exactly when did Scully's humungous boobs (from "One Breath") return?

52. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't really thing it's necessary to apologize to someone for practically doing the wild thing with someone else unless you are also doing the wild thing with that certain someone. She didn't see anything anyway.

53. Quotes for the ages: Big Macho Man, Little Feet Reaching the Pedals-you know them by heart; no need to repeat here.

54. Oh, oh, Scott. Thanks to this planetary alignment thing, I think Uranus is about to be toast.

55. Weren't you expecting Madame Zirinka to cut up his credit card?

56. While in this vortex, relationships are gonna suck! Woo-hoo! That means they have a relationship!

57. Death by garage door is a very popular way to go on the X-Files.

58. Birdie, birdie you were supposed to yield, and not come crashing into my windshield!

59. TWC7: "Where are you, Margi? Just tell me where you are . . . Come on, Margi, let's get you out of here." I could just play those words over and over and over and over . . . (those who know Polly's true identity know why!).

60. "Best friends are supposed to stick together, right?" M&S might want to remember this when this episode is over.

61. Even their phone calls are backwards ("Scully, it's me.") And then, though neither are a threat to Ethel Merman, they play a short game of "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better."

62. TWC8: Tonight's Holy Flaming Cow Moment, as Mulder brings Margi in for questioning and asks about Detective White's . . . kitty. As inspired by Terri and Margi (and SLS): I like Mulder, I love him, I want some more of him.

63. The scene in the police precinct was just terrific-the Keystone Kops live (complete with Sabre Dance music)! (But I wish I could keep a TV on my desk at work!)

64. Just like Cinderella, after the stroke of midnight, everything returns to its natural order.

65. Even M&S are back in sync: "Put that gun down!" All together now!

66. "We are but visitors on this rock . . ." I told you I smelled a voiceover earlier. How do I do it? Don't ask me . . .

67. OT: Mulder getting in the car with the seat forward reminds me of "Return to Me," the DVD of which I am patiently waiting for and conducting my own little countdown in anticipation of. I plan to watch that non-stop from October 31 to November 5.

68. "Entering Comity." Okay, now I get that too!

69. Does Mulder have the authority to issue Scully a moving violation? Don't ask me . . . just "Shut up, Mulder."

70. While I like this episode in general, on the heels of "WOTC" it falls a little flat. M&S teasing in "WOTC" is warm and loving, while the "Syzygy" interaction is just cranky and crabby. Yeah, yeah, I know they are in the "cosmic G-spot" and that's what's causing all this, but just the same, it makes me glad that we won't have to worry about this planetary alignment again for another 80 years or so. So I won't say, "Love it, love it, there are no eppys above it," but I also won't say, "Hate it, hate it, 'fraid I must berate it."

71. I think my work here is done. If you have any other questions about this episode, don't ask me. And if you want to take this TOTM and toss it in the round file, you know what I'd say. Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Apology Is Polly-cee