Theatre of the Mind ~ Wetwired

There is nothing wrong with your TV set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat, there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to the outer (TOTM) limits.

1. Braddock Heights, Maryland. That's in the same county where I live! That's only about 20 minutes from my house!

2. Okay, I know things look bad here, but the footwear fetishist in me can't help but be buoyed by the close-up of red cowboy boots. Especially if you've read the fanfic "Elevator Shoes" by Kristen. Read it, you'll know what I mean. Yowza!

3. If you've seen one Lladoslav Miriskovic, I guess you haven't seen them all.

4. Hmmm . . . people who live in Frederick County, Maryland, who are adversely affected by watching too much television. Should I be worried about this at all?

5. TWC1: The TWC moments come early and often in this episode. Sitting in his car watching the drug dealers. Woo hoo!

6. "Our blind date's not off to a good start." Boy, I was really worried for a minute there.

7. Interesting to note that it was supposed to be Mr. X who summoned Mulder here, but Steven Williams was not available so the part was changed . . . to Plain Clothed Man!

8. Now let me get this straight. In the middle of the night, you come out to a dangerous part of the city in response to an anonymous email without telling your partner and with no backup. You keep doing that, Mulder, and pretty soon you'll find yourself in the clutches of face-pulling aliens who like to stick things up your nose and bind you by your most important parts.

9. Scully, there was no need for you to sit on the Beltway. You should have called me! I could have told you how to get to Braddock Heights the back way!

10. TWC2: Mulder breaking down the case for Scully. He is so fine!

11. Dr. Stroman, you would have been called *up* from D.C., not *down* from D.C.

12. The fact that Mr. Patnik seems "pretty manageable" to Mulder is probably one reason he's not a practicing psychologist. (LOL)

13. For a woman who's always asking where the X-File is, Scully is awfully protective of her division. She's immediately suspicious of why they have been handed the case by an "outside source." You don't suppose this episode is all about TRUST, do you?

14. When you skip school, you ought to be able to find something better to watch than "Die Hard."

15. Mulder doing that little hair-tousling thing reminds me he's going to be a daddy! Aww.

16. Mulder is definitely suffering from wide-screen envy.

17. What kind of nut keeps all those videotapes so perfectly labeled, dated, and in chronological order and . . . never mind. Forget I said anything.

18. "Anything good?" (LOL)

19. Agent Scully, please explain to me the scientific nature of "wiggy".

20. Scully suggests that there is some correlation to what the people watched on TV and their behavior. Let's come back to this one, shall we?

21. TWC3: Mulder in his undershirt watching videos. *That* is Must-See TV!

22. This hotel must have a room for every personality! Looks like Mulder has a pretty sparse little room with a single bed and no headboard; Scully must have the presidential suite complete with a sofa and a fireplace! I can see why Mulder sees no purpose in keeping his videotapes in neat little piles, like Scully.

23. When she said, "I'm going to show you something" my heart went all aflutter for a minute!

24. TWC4: Mulder on Scully's sofa. Hands behind head. Doesn't he look natural and comfy?

25. Meanwhile, Scully, chill out! Day is done! It's okay to take off that suit and those heels to watch videos in your room!

26. It's the old Mulder/Scully switcheroo (perhaps our first clue that things are not okay in XF-ville): Scully coming up with theory about television inducing violence and Mulder coming back with his "psuedo-science" argument (not to mention cow flatulence and the ozone layer).

27. Our next clue: Scully making it a late night to watch videos while Mulder goes to sleep!

28. I would have thought that the folks on the swanky side of the hotel (i.e., Scully) wouldn't have to go outside to get their ice! I guess it's a good thing she did or she would have missed the father and son reunion in the parking lot!

29. I am often afraid that I'll see the same type of activity in my dishwashing suds, so I avoid doing dishes at all costs.

30. Do you think Helene bought her shotgun on the Home Shopping Network too?

31. Our next clue: Paranoid Scully checking the ashtrays. That's usually Mulder's job, isn't it?

32. "The car's been moved. Did you take it out last night?" Scully sounds a little like the jealous wife, doesn't she?

33. TWC5: And who wouldn't be jealous. Woo hoo!

34. After the Queequeg incident, I guess they didn't think it would be wise for Helene to shoot the "beautiful blonde."

35. "Wetwired" marks the first appearance of a character named "John Gilnitz," (the unfortunate guy in the hammock). This is, of course, a combination of the names of the three staff writers (John Shiban, Vince Gilligan, and Frank Spotnitz). References to John Gilnitz will later appear in "Leonard Betts," "Christmas Carol," "Dreamland II," and "Theef."

36. Will the Jeopardy references never stop? Helene has a copy of the popular game show among her tapes. It's probably DD's appearance on "Celebrity Jeopardy." (I would keep that too!)

37. TWC6: Running and climbing Mulder! Those displays of boyish agility *are* turning me on! (Not to mention a nice shot of Mulder footwear as he's climbing down the pole!)

38. "Maybe it's a job for Special Agent Pendrell and the Sci-Crime lab." (LOL) I guess Superman wasn't available. (Wouldn't Pendrell just flip if he heard Scully utter those words?)

39. Next clue that, yes, there is a problem: Mr. King of the Ditch saying, "Stay in touch." Yeah, right.

40. I think Mulder was an officer-in-the-audio-visual-club-in-high-school wannabe.

41. TWC7: Using those wonderful hands again to illustrate he knows how the remote works.

42. Aww, they try to call each other at the same time. Even when one is wiggy, they're together!

43. "Where are you?" There's that jealous wife voice again. Mulder, when you and Scully get married (and I know that you will), don't ever do anything to piss her off.

44. I bet Agent Pendrell was just salivating when Scully called him to find out the results of the tests he never got the chance to make.

45. Oh, oh. Looks like those hotel people assigned Scully the wrong room after all. The girl has lost it! (Reminds me of a similar Mulder apartment-trashing scene in "E.B.E.")

46. Good time to complement Mark Snow on a wonderful score. The throbbing beat that accompanies this scene is a good example: it really builds the tension and suspense.

47. Oopsy! Scully knocks the tapes off the top of her TV when she checks behind it, but after the camera cuts they are miraculously stacked on top of the TV again. That Scully is just too neat for her own good! No wonder she fit in so well in the Falls at Arcadia.

48. Once again we're reminded of how great an actress GA really is. With nary a word, she conveys just how much fear and paranoia she is feeling. The look in her eyes, the instant crouch like a trapped animal when she hears the Fox at the door . . . wonderful!

49. I love to see the Mulder-man bully his way into a room! And I think he does that more in this episode than any other. There's two door-kick-ins in this one scene!

50. TWC8: Sure, I'm worried about Scully, but I still can't help but notice that Mulder looks awesome after he comes outside after kicking in that second door. (BTW, where did that second door come from? Did Scully's room have a back door too? Man, the luxury never ends!)

51. While we have this little respite, it seems a good time to point out something I noticed in this episode. Usually we are searching for a time or date stamp line somewhere in each episode to give us some semblance of a timeline. (I mean, was there even *one* in "Within"? Not that I recall. I only remember one in "Without.") In "Wetwired," there is one on almost every scene. And our next clue that something is amiss: not a one of them is 10:13 or 11:21. What is the world coming to?

52. As if we needed more proof that Mrs. Scully's sons do not exist, she has no pictures of them by her bedside, only Dana and Melissa. (I myself have tried to block out Bill, Jr., anyway.)

53. Looks like Mrs. Scully is only used to getting bad news from Mulder. She immediately says, "What's the matter?".

54. I don't know about you, but when she calls him "Fox" it sounds just right. (Not even his own mommy could summon up the same emotions in me.) And he always calls Scully "Dana" when he talks to Mrs. S. These two really do have a bond. I think she'll help take care of him when he returns from his Excellent Adventure with the ABHs.

55. Oopsy, again. Skinner says she fired four rounds, but she very obviously fired six.

56. How much does Mulder love Scully? Enough to tape an "X" on his window to summon that man he loves to loathe. He hasn't done that since "Anasazi."

57. TWC9: In the Lone Gunmen's office, arms crossed, "Bring it home boys." Hoo-boy!

58. Red-green colorblind, huh? I guess that does explain the ties (somewhat).

59. Awww. One of my favorite Mulder scenes ever. As he stops the car in the morgue garage, hesitates for just a second, and bows his head as if in prayer to ask a God he doesn't believe in to please let it not be her. GA ain't the only one who says it best when she says nothing at all!

60. Okay, the Mulder kick count: 3 doors total (two hotel, one car). (Nice footwear!)

61. TWC10: As he makes the long walk down the morgue corridor. My, my.

62. See #59. Closing his eyes as the coroner explains, the look on his face. We *knew* it wouldn't be her, but through his expressions and actions, you really felt his anguish.

63. Now we see why Scully is such a bad liar. Her mom is pathetic.

64. The standoff at Mrs. Scully's has to be one of the best M&S scenes of all time. For a change, they don't have guns drawn on each other-just Scully on Mulder with him trying to make her understand how much she means to him and how much he wants to help her. "Scully, you are the *only* one I trust." My heart just melts every time I hear DD deliver that line. (My computer speaks it to me every time I turn it on, that's how much I love it.) And at the end of last season he was accusing her of taking her "little notes." What a difference a year makes.

65. This scene confirms that there are times when a girl just needs her mommy. (Season 8 Note to Mrs. Scully: you been sitting by your phone since Season 5; you picked a hell of time not to answer!).

66. TWC11: And tonight's Holy Flaming Cow Moment-the conversation in Scully's hospital room. From his cute little "you wouldn't shoot an unarmed man" gesture (reminiscent of "Squeeze") to his hands folded in front of his lips (oooh, those lips!) as Scully tells him about her experience, the man just looks awesome. The only thing that would have made this scene *perfect* is if he had kissed her goodbye, a la "Redux II." Well, some things are worth waiting for!

67. Scully's worst nightmare: Thinking Mulder had betrayed her. How much does *that* say?

68. Dr. Lorenz, the last time I saw you, you were wearing a red turban!

69. Let's check the tote board: Now that's 4 doors total (3 hotel, 1 car).

70. I'm glad that CSM is the only person on the face of the earth who smokes Morleys. Makes it much easier to identify his participation that way!

71. The return of the never-seen and hardly-ever-heard Danny! He must be back from vacation!

72. TWC12: I warned you there were lots of TWCs! A Mulder in the bush is worth two in the hand. (Minds out of gutters now!)

73. And our final door-busting tally: 5--4 regular doors (3 with kicks, 1 with some hip action), 1 car.

74. This looks like Mrs. Thibideaux's house from "Aubrey." Where's the World's Fair photos?

75. There's Mr. X, showing up when you *didn't* call him. He must have "X" forwarding.

76. TWC13: Mulder looks fine in his righteous indignation. Even if he is spitting out his lines a mile a minute. They must be running short on time!

77. "You make me risk my life, you risk my partner's life, and you never risk your own!" (Oh, but he did, Mulder. You were just unconscious over his shoulder.)

78. Poor Mulder has a tough time pulling the trigger on these guys when he has the chance. He's always got the thing cocked, but just can't deliver the goods. (Minds out of gutter again!)

79. Too bad in the end *we* know who the unknown subject is. And we know he is somehow connected with CSM. We just don't know about his relationship with M&S: friend or foe? Perhaps we'll find out soon.

80. One interesting thing about this episode takes us back to #20. It turns out Scully was right about this case from the very beginning. I guess this is that small percentage that Mulder referred to in "Field Trip."

81. Well, I guess the moral of this story is that it is all a matter of trust. Sometimes you have to trust that if you wade through a lot of hell money and killer kitty-kats, you will be rewarded with gems like "Jose Chung," "Quagmire," and "Wetwired." What's so great about this episode? Primarily one thing: It's all personal, not just to *one* of our heroes, as is usually the case, but to both of them. Now *some* people (uh . . . CC, but you didn't hear that from me) seem to think that the personal lives of our beloved agents have no place in the X-Files. It's all about the stories (yeah, right). But the stories become interesting *because* of the impact that they have on the people we care about most. And here is where "Wetwired" really delivered. We saw both M&S face their greatest fears-and for both of them, it was the loss of each other. You can't get much more personal than that. And that's the way we like it best.

82. Yes, "Wetwired" was all about trust. And I *trust* that you'll forgive me for going on and on about it. (Wow, this TOTM is looong, isn't it?) Well, to quote Agent Mulder, "A thing of beauty is a joy forever." Or, depending on your point of view, "You can go ahead and recycle that then."

83. Obsessed? "Now you know how I feel most of the time."

We now return control of your television set to you until next week at this same time when the control voice will take you to the outer limits.

Apologies, as always. Now "I'm going to get some sleep. Looks like you could use some too."