Theatre of the Mind ~ Sanguinarium

1. Sanguinary means carnage, bloodthirsty, consisting of blood. Sanguinaria means bloodroot. Sanguinarium is Latin for "place of blood." Do you see a pattern developing here?

2. A scalp reduction? Is that so all your remaining hair meets in the middle?

3. Just in case you were wondering, a blepharoplasty is plastic surgery of the eyelids.

4. I believe a scrubbing up after the scrubbing up will be in order.

5. After watching this, I think I'll just remain my chubby little self.

6. "I think this patient is finished." I believe you are too, doc.

7. Okay, it's been four years, so I'm really not surprised that Scully doesn't recognize the doctor's lawyer as her one and only date Rob from "The Jersey Devil." When this girl says she has no interest at this time, she's not kidding around.

8. Speaking of Jersey Devil, if Scully sees you checking out those nurses, Mulder, she'll hurt you like that beast woman.

9. TWC1: But he looks mighty cute doing it.

10. This is why I'm not a Federal agent. If I had connected the dots, I would have drawn a circle.

11. What an exchange of behind the back looks! She gives him *the* look after he points out the pentagram, and he does the old eye-roll when she tells him to look at the facts.

12. Mulder as Vanna White ". . . not to mention Door Number Three!"

13. Hmm, there appear to be five operating rooms connected here. You think that means anything?

14. TWC2: Questioning Nurse Waite, Scully's hair is looking nearly perfect this season. Mulder's is almost there-we just need to do something with those cowlick bangs.

15. The conference table has a pentagram in it. Do you think anyone noticed that?

16. Look! I guess all the king's horses and all the king's men *can* put Agent Nemhauser ("Grotesque") together again!

17. While this episode was written by the sister team of Valerie and Vivien Mayhew, it's well known that many of the XF writers contributed ideas to the story or participated in rewrites of the script. I must say that it did cast serious doubts on my man Vince G. when I learned that he named the character of Dr. Shannon after his favorite actress Shannon Tweed. Shannon Tweed? Vince, what were you thinking?

18. I kept waiting for Richard Beymer to break into tunes from West Side Story. Or at least to start lip-synching.

19. Can't feel your feet? How about those leeches on your tummy? Can you feel those?

20. "I'm afraid to be put to sleep. What if I don't wake up?" Then I'd say a skin peel is the least of your problems.

21. TWC3: Oh, Mulder, I love your nose! Don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me! Well, except for those bangs.

22. S: "You wanted to show me something?" Oh, *please* let it be what I think it is! Please, please!

23. I don't think girls like Scully like to watch the videotape first, Mulder.

24. Boy, my dictionary got a workout in this one! Vainglorious? Characterized by or exhibiting excessive vanity; boastful.

25. I haven't seen the blooper reel in a while, but I seem to recall GA having a tough time with the pharmaceuticals line.

26. TWC4: Aw, Mulder appears mortally wounded at Scully's witch APB joke, but he's such a cutie patootie.

27. Hmmm. It appears to me that this is a five-sided scrubroom. With five sinks. Do you think *that* means anything?

28. Well, in retrospect, I don't think the skin peel or the leeches were a good idea.

29. Mulder picking his nose. Not as disgusting as it sounds.

30. Let's go to the videotape again! I think Mulder wants to be Warner Wolf in another life.

31. "It appears we've interrupted a *gathering*." That Mulder is soooo smart.

32. You must be really, really careful if you want to chant and burn things while naked.

33. A broom by the door is probable cause? Naw, I think it was the unseen cat that clinched it.

34. But any excuse for Mulder to kick in a door with gun and flashlight in hand is okay by me.

35. Oh, I don't know. I bet Wicca Night at H&R Block would be pretty popular.

36. Dr. Franklyn's address, 1953 Gardner Street, is named for Englishman Gerald Gardner, who founded the most popular form of modern witchcraft, or wicca, and published his first book in 1953.

37. But to me, Dr. Franklyn's house looks suspiciously like Kristin's house in "3". Perhaps that would explain why Mulder has gone through most of this episode looking like he needs a shave. Maybe this house just brings back *way* too many bad memories!

38. Message written on the mirror is "vanitas vanitatum" or "vanity of the vanities." That sounds like a really nice vanity you'd have in your bathroom (or maybe a vainglorious vanity).

39. Ewww. Time to change the water filter, I think. Hey Culligan man!

40. You know you're having a bad day when you call 9-1-1 and get put on hold.

41. Nice effect lighting while Nurse Waite is coughing up the pins (and Mulder & Scully look incredible in those flashing police lights). Also good of Scully to tell the paramedics to get Nurse Waite into surgery immediately. I'm surprised one of them didn't turn around and say, "Duh."

42. Mulder, what have I said time and time again about those sticky fingers. Picking up one of those straight pins when you don't know where it's been. (Well, actually, you *do* know where it's been.)

43. TWC5: And it's the Holy Flaming Cow moment-Mulder with his big "nothing that a little plastic surgery won't fix up" smile.

44. Must be one of those Sealy Posturepedic mattresses-you feel like you're sleeping on air!

45. TWC6: I'm glad he's checking out his nose in the mirror, cause that means we get a good view of his posterior. One thing Agent Mulder does not need is a buttock liposculpture (especially at $4,000 a pop). I like his buttocks sculptured just the way they are!

46. This place is getting to Mulder. He hasn't commented on Scully's appearance in four years, and he has to start by saying, "God, you look tired"? You really know how to impress a girl. What do you expect? It is 3:40 a.m.

47. She "yacked" them up? Is that a cross between "hacked" and some scientific word for coughing that starts with a "y" that I'll have to look up in the dictionary?

48. MSRM: They're in bed together!!! (Okay, I'll admit, it's a stretch. They're *sitting* on the bed together. All the little looks that they exchange throughout this ep are kind of MSRMs too, but I like seeing them sitting together on a bed. It lets my imagination run wild.)

49. I'm amazed that Mulder could pronounce "allotriophagy" much less know what it means. I couldn't find it in the dictionary, but I think it has something to do with yacking stuff up.

50. "What comes out must first go in." LOL.

51. These folks are getting killed because their birthdays coincide with a major pagan holiday? Bummer. I know what's it like to have your birthday coincide with holiday cheer.

52. So Mulder figures out the connection between the murders 10 years ago and the murders now. And that Dr. Cox is now Dr. Franklyn thanks to some nifty plastic surgery. I believe this is what's known as a leapoplasty.

53. If Dr. Franklyn carved his victims' names in his floor pentagram before they were killed, how come nobody noticed that when they were at his house after he was attacked?

54. TWC7: "Everybody wants to be beautiful, Scully." Woo-hoo!

55. If Richard Beymer had this power in West Side Story, it might have had a much happier ending!

56. Why don't they ever investigate *this* type of X-File: Mulder and Scully enter the house and outside it's pouring rain-but they're not wet. Spooky.

57. Who knew that you could change your appearance with a scalpel and a shrimp fork? Ouch.

58. I know Scully forgets she's a doctor sometimes, but bursting into an operating room in the middle of an operation without the proper surgical garb just cause Mulder said so? I suppose she should be thankful that they ignored her and saved Dr. Shannon anyway.

59. I've heard the expression that you had to pick your face up off the floor but I never knew what it meant until now. (Love Squeamish!Mulder!)

60. What is a "whack" of surgical instruments? Is that what a group of surgical instruments is called? Like a herd of cows or a pride of lions? Since I can never remember how to spell "Sanguinarium," I think I'm just going to call this the Yack & Whack episode from now on!

61. Oopsie! Scully, it was the *other* patient we were supposed to be saving! Guess we should have checked those birthdays a little more carefully. Oh, well. We bad.

62. I know you all think that this episode ends with Dr. Franklyn who is now Dr. Hartman embarking on his new life in L.A. But I found out that the episode was supposed to end a little differently. So just for you, a TOTM special, I'll share with you the lost ending of Sanguinarium: Scully is in her apartment, late at night, bathrobe and glasses on, typing up her field report on her trusty computer. She pauses from her writing to call up the cosmetic surgery program and look over the photos that transformed Dr. Cox to Dr. Franklyn. In doing so, she accidentally clicks on a photo of Mulder and his "new" nose. She chuckles a little, realizing that Mulder is just a bit more self-conscious about his prominent proboscis than she realized-vanity, thy name is Mulder. And then she wistfully smiles as she clicks the photo back to his original nose, realizing that she loves that nose and the rest of Mulder just the way he is. Taking a break from her report, Scully uses her computer to compose a little song to Mulder instead. She's humming along as the camera closes in on the words she types on the screen:

(sung to the tune of You're So Vain by Carly Simon)

You walked into the O.R. like you were walking onto a yacht.
Your hair strategically flipped over one eye, you began to connect the dots.
You had one eye in the mirror as you calmly explained the plot.
And I am so happy that I'm still your partner, I'm still your partner, and

You're so vain. You probably think that it's all about you.
You're so vain. I'll bet you think that it's all about you, Don't you? Don't you?

I joined you several years ago when I was still quite naive.
And Pusher said that we made such a pretty pair, and you said you'd never leave.
But you always ditched the things you loved, and one of them was me.
I had some dreams that we'd grow old together, grow old together, and


Well, we've closed this case, still at odds of course, but your side naturally won.
Tonight we'll fly back to old D.C. in time to see tomorrow's dawn of the sun.
Now I want you with me all the time and I love that beautiful nose.
And I think we should be more than close friends, be more than close friends, and


Just as she finishes typing, Mulder walks in from the bedroom, wearing his gray tee shirt and his nifty plaid pajama bottoms. (Hoo boy!) "Are you coming to bed, Scully?" he asks. "What are you doing?" With a little smile, Scully turns off her computer. "Nothing, Mulder. Just getting a jump on tomorrow. You know, I've gotta pull a whole whack of stuff into a report that Skinner will accept." Mulder grimaces. "Ugh, Scully, don't talk about that now. Otherwise I'll yack all over the place." With his arm around her shoulder, and hers around his waist, they head for the bedroom as Scully turns off the living room light. We hear their conversation from the next room: M: "God, you look tired." S: "Oh, I'm not so tired. We could discuss the case a little more if you want." M: "What part of the case?" S: "You know. The part about what comes out must first go in." M: Scully, you know what I like. Fade to black. Executive Producer Chris Carter.

63. Why do you think they didn't use this ending? I don't know. I'm just a fan. I don't always know what's best for me. Well, that about wraps it up. "I think my tranquilizer's starting to wear off."

Apologies to Vanna White, Warner Wolf, Carly Simon, all practicing witches and everyone in the medical profession. "I think this patient is finished."