Theatre of the Mind ~ Small Potatoes

I know that Season 8 with a missing Mulder was no place for a humorous X-File, but rewatching "Small Potatoes" reminds me just how much I miss those episodes with a comedic twist. "Small Potatoes" is one of the best.

1. Small potatotes - A person or thing regarded as unimportant; an insignificant amount or sum.

2. Award for good career move: Glad to see that lady got a job as a nurse and stopped dusting the severed heads in the armoire of Mr. Finger-Lickin' Chicken Chaco.

3. It's not that Amanda *looks* familiar. More like she *sounds* familiar.

4. I think if the nurse dropped the scissors after looking at my baby, I'd be a bit worried.

5. This kid is gonna be the "butt" of some nasty jokes!

6. What else is in this issue of The World Weekly Informant? Michael Jackson Held Captive by Exotic Pets - that happens every day, doesn't it? ETAP Bigshot Busted - it's about time they came down hard on those ETAP guys for spelling things backwards. And the Stupendous Yappi! What's he up to?

7. Hate to tell you, Mulder, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

8. TWC1: ROTFLMAO! Mulder's over-the-shoulder glance at Scully when Amanda confesses that the father of her baby is Luke Skywalker is just the first of many outstanding Mulder faces in this episode. 9. "Did he have a light saber?" I always wanted a follow-up question from Mulder: "Was his light saber as big as mine?"

10. Not only does Amanda like "Star Wars," I bet she watches "Babe" 15 times a day too. And people call *me* Spooky!

11. Don't you just get a tingly feeling when you see Mulder standing in front of that nursery window?

12. "Take your best shot, Scully." It's the birds, the bees, and the monkey babies!

13. "Birds do it, bees do it, even educated M.D.'s do it." Well, at least my faith is restored that these two know *how* it's done. Now if they'd only *do* it!

14. Mistaken for a couple again!

15. You don't think Mulder's swimmers were the reason Scully's IVF failed, do you? (Mulder certainly beat a hasty retreat when they started discussing sperm motility.)

16. Nightmare on *crack* street. (Oh, those bloopers!!)

17. Eddie is batting a thousand--five outa five. (Have I mentioned I miss Darin Morgan?)

18. Hmmm, someone whose name gets mispronounced a lot and the "H" is silent. Just a coincidence? If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so contrived?

19. I knew Mulder was a romantic at heart!

20. The Eddie Defense: No Harm, No Foul.

21. Mulder proves he can do that "eyebrow" thing just as good as the master.

22. It's like lookin' in a mirror.

23. TWC2: Ring-a-ding-ding! You can ring my chimes anytime, Fox.

24. MSRM: "Hey, Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?" Yes, you should. Definitely before that baby's born.

25. Ah, I hear the strains of "Dueling Theories" in the background.

26. "We've both seen something like this before, Scully." Yes, you have. I'm just surprised you remembered! That's called "continuity." It doesn't happen often!

27. This fall on FOX: Trailer Parks in Space.

28. I wonder what other kind of games Mulder & Scully play while driving around the country and while camped out at all-night stakeouts? State License Plates? Truth or Dare? Today it's Who Would You Be?

29. Hold that umbrella up a little higher, short stuff! The poor boy's gonna get a cramp in his neck!

30. Luckily, Scully can stow that umbrella somewhere. The weather seems to have cleared up during the walk from the car to the front porch!

31. "Ultimately, maybe it's other people's reactions to us that make us who we are." I agree totally. See Season 8.

32. I'm with you, Mulder. *Eleanor Roosevelt?* (And love the *yuck* face!) Mulder was very smart to change the rules in the middle of the game.

33. I think Mulder's imagination is starting to run wild as it appears he thinks the leaf-blowing neighbor could be Luke Skywalker and his "light saber." ("I want to become a Jedi Leaf Blower like my father.")

34. Hmmm. The "H" in Van Blundht beside the door falls off just as Mulder walks by. Someone else's father removed the "H" from his name, did he not? Again, coincidence? I don't think so.

35. TWC3: Holy Flaming Cow! It's brief, but it's cute! He's like a kid in a candy story when Eddie Sr. offers to show off his claim to fame.

36. But of course, Mom says no! Party pooper.

37. Who was that masked man? I don't know, but he left this red bathrobe.

38. Baboo always reminds me of Lucy and Schroeder. Good grief.

39. I say bring back the Big Ass Flashlights!!

40. It must be only in fanfic where Scully is attuned to Mulder's every breath and every movement. "I'm all right." "What?"

41. TWC4: Woo-hoo! Don't get quicklime on those beautiful lips!

42. "You think the fall killed him?" I'm still laughing.

43. I have learned one important thing in this episode: Mulder should avoid those ugly green ill-fitting polo shirts at all costs. And we've *got* to do something with those bangs! Thankfully, Season 5 hair is just around the corner!

44. At least Mulder's got the good sense to cover his coffee while Scully's got her buzz saw going.

45. I'm beginning to think that David Duchovny shares that striated muscle tissue anomaly. The facial expressions throughout this entire episode are just priceless! But particularly good in this scene!

46. They could have really jacked up the ratings for this episode if they had written the TV Guide blurb correctly: Tonight on the X-Files, Mulder gets a piece of tail.

47. "Could this be a 'like father like son' kind of a thing?" Oh, to hear that in Season 8!

48. Another "where are you going" without a "Mulder, it's me." That's two eps in a row!

49. TWC5: Love that "catch you later" pointing thing.

50. At what point did you figure out that this wasn't the real Mulder visiting Amanda? He had me going with the "free cable" line. But when he pulled out the photo of Eddie, I just knew.

51. The biggest X-File in this episode is how they found two positively ugly ties that were so similar in appearance.

52. I'm glad there weren't any more people in that shower. Mulder was running out of handcuffs.

53. "You're a damn good looking man." You'll get no argument from me.

54. If Scully wasn't so "small-minded" she would have gotten that "small potatoes" reference and the episode would have ended right here. (Lucky for us, it didn't! tee-hee!!)

55. A quick footwear shot, but I'll always take what I can get.

56. A sandwich, an apple, and a Perk cola. It's more than they get on Survivor!

57. The Man Who Would Be Mulder with Scully mannerisms!

58. "You spelled Federal Bureau of Investigation" wrong. ROTF again!

59. This Imitation!Mulder doesn't know he's supposed to put his hand on the "small" of her back, so he settles for a tap on the shoulder.

60. This poor girl. What to do on a big Friday night? Work on that monograph for the penology review ("Diminished Acetylcholine Production in Recidivist Offenders" - I'll wait for the movie), or run some tissue samples on Eddie Sr.? So many options, so little time!

61. At least Eddie didn't put Mulder's nameplate in the desk drawer!

62. Oooh. Imitation!Mulder footwear! Almost as good as the original.

63. We find out Mulder lives at 42-2630 Hegal Place, Alexandria VA 23242, his driver's license expires on 3/31/99, and he's 6 feet tall. You can't quite read it on here because Imitation!Mulder's thumb is in the way, but his Driver's License No. is 123-32-1321 (which is also his SSN which is the way they do it in Virginia!).

64. Even Mulder's driver's license photo is better than that picture Scully's been showing around in Season 8.

65. "Where do I sleep?" Inquiring minds have been asking that question for four years!

66. Everybody's first instinct when they enter this apartment is to feed the fish.

67. The Gunmen's favorite meal must be cheese steaks. Such lovable geeks for friends!

68. The return of Marty Mulder. Haven't seen him since "3". Poor Marty, so many lonely nights spent on that couch talking to Chantal while he runs up his phone bill and the woman he wants to be with works on her monograph. What a waste!

69. Kudos to Duchovny for doing such a good job of parodying himself, from the "big macho man" to the "hurt puppy-dog" look.

70. "You're a damn good looking man." I agree; it bears repeating.

71. I believe this is the most Casual!Scully we have seen since "Deep Throat." Love the low-cut sweater (and I'm sure Imitation!Mulder will too!)

72. TWC6: Holy Flaming Imitation Cow! (An episode with two Mulders deserves two HFC moments!) Dressed in our favorite outfit, bearing gifts, that nice little stutter and boyish charm, doing his seduction dance as he prepares to attain the unattainable-what's not to love?

73. Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine. If we'd known that's all it took to loosen Scully up a bit, we'd have suggested it eons ago: from autopsy data to a roaring fire and Al Green's "Ain't It Funny How Time Slips Away." How true! It's been four years, already! Let's get it on!

74. Tipsy!Scully is so cute! Love that um, what do you call it? Pumper truck story.

75. IMSRM (that's the Imitation MSRM): "I'm seeing a whole new side of you, Mulder." "Is that a good thing?" "I like it."

76. He's going in for the kill! Stay on target . . . stay on target! Curses! Foiled again!

77. What, no key, Mulder? You couldn't have just knocked? Must have been the Perk cola rush.

78. I was hoping maybe Mulder was visiting Eddie to get some pointers.

79. "I was born a loser, but you're one by choice." Aw, doesn't that make you sad? It makes me sad.

80. "Treat yourself"-good Lord, not again! I thought we were all done with that!!

81. Aw, at least Scully doesn't think he's a loser. That's a good sign. But she doesn't answer when he says he's no Eddie Van Blundht either. That's a bad sign. Maybe once Mulder is resurrected from the dead he will decide to "live a little." And maybe one of these days Scully will get around to seeing a whole different side of the *real* Mulder.

82. I guess "Small Potatoes" can best be summed up as follows: Vince Gilligan is become Darin Morgan. Darin Morgan is become Eddie Van Blundht. Eddie Van Blundht is become Fox Mulder. Fox Mulder is become a modern day Jedi Knight, complete with light saber. Not a loser, but not an Eddie Van Blundht either. I think one of these days real soon he's gonna make his move and he and Scully will *really* talk about everything that's important-the big issues and the insignificant minutiae of day-to-day living. And once you've been abducted by aliens, killed off and resurrected, everything else is just "Small Potatoes."

83. May the force be with you . . . always.

Apologies? We don't need no stinkin' apologies!
I was just here. Where did I go?