Theatre of the Mind ~ Tempus Fugit

Tempus Fugit. Time flies. Some say that time flies when you're having fun. In general, time flies whether you're having fun or not. At least it usually does. Except when you're waiting for April 1. Then it seems that time slows down to a crawl and nearly comes to a screeching halt. Well, since you have nothing better to do while you're waiting for March to go out like a lamb, it seems like a good time to revisit some old XF episodes. Given some recent spoilers regarding a certain Apollo 11 keychain, it looks like we couldn't have hit "Tempus Fugit" at a better time.

1. A beautiful night to fly the friendly skies.

2. I guess you know you've "made it" as an XF staffer once they name a character after you. (Larold Rebhun is a sound mixer on the show.)

3. It's Max Fenig! The man who follows the exploits of Secret Agent Fox Mulder and the enigmatic Dr. Dana Scully!

4. Max looks scared. Perhaps of "Dark Man." Would it really be asking too much to give these bad guys real names? Red-Haired Man, Well Manicured Man, Dark Man. How 'bout some fun names for a change? Like Gene Poole, Dick Tater, Jay Walker, Justin Case, Ben Dover, or Earl E. Byrd?

5. I think this "Dark Man's" name is really Mac Gyver. Pretty neat trick, a gun with "some assembly required."

6. It's times like this when taking the train seems like a good idea.

7. Happy birthday Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully! Isn't that cute? Scully looks slightly pleased and slightly petrified.

8. MSRM: Okay, I could search for deep meaning in other scenes, but this is a no-brainer. This is such a sweet and romantic birthday celebration, I think Mulder should be forgiven for only celebrating every four years. The snowball with the sparkler is just too special! (I'm so glad he only waits two years to celebrate her next birthday . . . even if he's not exactly on time. At least he'll probably get to third base during that celebration.) Two people obviously enjoying each other and being together.

9. TWC1: Twirling that stirrer around in his mouth certainly draws attention to those lips . . . hoo boy!

10. Awww. No wonder Scully was expecting nicely wrapped packages in "The Unnatural." And he presents it with such love in his eyes.

11. Given all they've been through, it's kind of nice that they can joke about alien implants. Hey! Wait a minute. A pub . . . a couple of people sitting at a table, eating and drinking, looking like they're having a good time . . . this couldn't be . . . a *date* could it? Nah, I'm sure they're just two good buds getting a bite to eat after work. But maybe . . .

12. Mulder is obviously quite proud of his gift selection (maybe his biggest and goofiest grin ever). But it doesn't appear that Scully shares his enthusiasm at this juncture. Maybe she doesn't realize the significance of this gift right at the moment. I'll bet when she finally decides to pass it on to someone else, it will have great meaning to her (wink, wink). (She'll probably give Doggett her copy of "Superstars of the Super Bowls" too.)

13. Lady, go away! I don't care whose sister you are! You're interrupting the date and spoiling the moment!

14. I guess the party's over as M&S have dashed off to upstate New York . . . at 4:02 a.m.!

15. Hey, it's Detective Henry Goldblume from Hill Street Blues! Good time to say let's be careful out there.

16. TWC2: Mulder looks good when he's walking into this scene and he just doesn't stop. Woo hoo!

17. The Moustache Man actually has a name in the credits . . . Scott Garrett, so maybe he's not a bad guy. But I think he's getting a lot of screen time here, so there is more to him than meets the eye.

18. Mulder presses on about intercepting aircraft and a repeater abductee, and Scully looks like she's about to sink into the woodwork.

19. "I'm hesitant to speculate"? ROTFLMAO.

20. I'd like to know if they find Doctor Spock's phaser too. Give me a call if they find Mr. Spock's first edition of "Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care" also.

21. "You sure know how to make a girl feel special on her birthday." (Followed by a cute Mulder face.) Hang in there, Scully. He's gonna come through in a big way in a couple of years!

22. Wow! The set decoration of the crash site is simply awesome. It certainly gives the look and feel of an airplane crash site. It's as close as I ever want to get to one.

23. Let's see, they were at the briefing at 4:02 a.m. and had to catch the shuttle to the crash site at 5 a.m. I'm glad they used that time to go and change their clothes. Especially when they're going to be poking around a crash site with a plane that's in a million pieces and parts of people scattered hither and yon. Can you imagine what kind of dry cleaning bills these two have? No wonder they were audited in "Requiem." Fashion be damned, I'd get me one of those yellow suits, those knee-high Wellingtons, and one of those nose and mouth masks P.D.Q.

24. Looks like the Dark Man is in as many pieces as his gun once was. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

25. I knew that Moustache Man was up to no good.

26. Looks like Dark Man *is* going to have a name now that he's been erased. John Doe.

27. "Nine minutes, Scully. Do you remember the last time you were missing nine minutes?" I do! I do!

28. Larold survives! This just proves my theory. If you're going to fly, get as drunk as possible. It could save your life.

29. Dr. Scully, Medicine Woman, to the rescue. She knows exactly what this man needs! Personally, I'd go get Larold a lotto ticket. This has to be his lucky day.

30. Suspicious!Scully thinks Sharon is hiding something. I'll say. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

31. Scully must have attended an Evelyn Wood speed reading course if she read all those letters from Max already.

32. TWC3: You want to know what I think, Mulder? I'm going to tell you. Run your little Geiger counter over my heart, and your needle will be out of control!

33. Great work by Duchovny and Anderson as Mulder keeps building his Max-was-abducted-in-midair story and Scully tries to interrupt; then he deflates like a balloon right before our eyes when Scully delivers the bad news that Max is dead.

34. As soon as Sharon's clock stopped ticking I knew she was in trouble.

35. Anyone else get a little misty when Mulder views Max's body? I think Mulder really liked Max and shows us that he thinks he failed him. Max was *truly* a Fallen Angel.

36. So that's what Mulder was looking for! No wristwatches!

37. Oooh, love how they are whispering to each other about how nine minutes became a lifetime.

38. Lariat must have a big product placement deal with the XF. Not bad for a non-existent company.

39. I thought Millar said the plane lost radio contact at 1900 hours (7 p.m.) but Frish says the plane lost altitude at 7:52 p.m. That's slightly more than nine minutes. They can't even keep this timeline straight!

40. TWC4: Despite the fact that Mulder can't find the nine minutes he's looking for, he looks damn good. This scene was *very nearly* the HFC moment. (But you'll know why I switched!)

41. Oh, oh. I smell a cover-up. Does it surprise you that the military is involved? Aren't they always?

42. TWC5: Holy Flaming Cow!!!! Who's that behind those Foster Grants? Yeah, baby!

43. Expenses for trashed hotel rooms too. I'm surprised it took that auditor four more years.

44. "Okay, Scully, hit me with your best shot." He's beggin' for that scientific explanation. But Scully don't have one.

45. Watch out, Mike, they'll be calling you Spooky Millar.

46. It could never happen, but it did. That's why they put the "I" in F.B.I.

47. Do you think Sgt. Gonzales really shot himself? I am become skeptical.

48. Mulder's got a nice boom box there. Same one as in "all things" do you think?

49. But why is he rocking back and forth to the flight data recorder tape? Is he listening to Moby through an earpiece or something?

50. A rotary telephone? I haven't seen one of those in ages! Where is this motel? The Twilight Zone?

51. You think Mulder is just a tad wired? IknowIknowIknowIknow. But we got a "Scully, it's me."

52. I guess Scully was tired; that's how Frish got the drop on her. Or maybe she was concentrating on getting to Mulder's motel room in a hurry, when he obviously had *so* much nervous energy!!

53. Mulder with no tie; must be casual Friday.

54. So the military intercept aircraft was actually shooting at the invisible unidentified aircraft and accidentally shot down Flight 549. What's so hard to believe about that? Why would you need evidence?

55. I think Mulder likes these scenes where he can drive fast and play Speed Racer. He gets that Michael Jordan thing goin' on with his tongue.

56. The last time Mulder played chicken it was with a chicken truck in "Our Town."

57. That is a *very* cool shot-the plane passing just over their car.

58. And Mulder cracks me up every time with the little adjustment he makes in the driver's seat-sort of a "Yeah, I'm the man" kind of move.

59. Does Millar find a UFO or a military aircraft? Whichever, it seems to have returned Sharon.

60. Couldn't Mulder have had this epiphany before everyone got on the plane? THERE IS A LOT OF YELLING, AND I CAN STILL HARDLY HEAR THEM!!!

61. I know the Great Sacandaga Lake is real, but it sounds made up, doesn't it?

62. Awww, I haven't heard that Scully "By myself?" whine since Mulder sent her packing back to D.C. alone in rush hour traffic in "Jersey Devil."

63. "Just let me know what's going on, Mulder." Surely you jest, Scully.

64. Now *there's* something I thought I'd never see. Mulder waving goodbye. These two never even *tell* each other goodbye on the phone, much less wave. Maybe this should have been the MSRM.

65. TWC6: A Mulder on no sleep still looks pretty good as he tries to strike a deal with Bearfield.

66. Just what was it that was so critical for Scully to get at her apartment? Clean underwear? But she does have a nice scene with Sgt. Frish while she's packing or whatever she's doing.

67. TWC7: Mulder in a wet suit; need I say more?

68. Dow we no wud Mulder sounds like wid a code.

69. "Once, I, uh . . . I got a quarter off of the deep end at the 'Y' pool." LOL!

70. A drunken Pendrell finally has the balls to make a play for Scully. His timing is impeccable.

71. Even though Scully says she's with somebody, I think Pendrell is so relieved to see that it's not Mulder that he still thinks he's got a shot.

72. A "birthday girl" drink is a Coors Light? I would have at least thought something with a little umbrella in it.

73. That nasty Moustache Man! Well, Scully put a hole in him, at least.

74. Didn't you think Scully should have tried to give Agent Pendrell mouth-to-mouth? (That *is* as good as a kiss, according to CC, 'member?) It would have sent the poor boy off to the Promised Land with a dream fulfilled and a taste of Scully on his lips.

75. When Mulder was swimming around the wreckage, I kept waiting for the head to float out, a la Jaws.

76. Don't you think Mulder has seen enough by now that he shouldn't be so shocked anymore? In lieu of his gun, he nearly drops his Big Ass Underwater Flashlight. Oh, oh! There's a light from above shining directly on Mulder! They're here! But who "They" are remains to be seen!

77. Scully's in a shootout trying to protect a witness, Pendrell is badly shot, Max is dead, Millar and Sharon are watching unidentified flying objects, and Mulder is looking for waterlogged little gray men while Somebody is looking for him. Is that enough to peak your interest? Hope so! To be continued . . .

78. That was a pretty good first half of a two parter. But you know, sometimes the second halves of those "very special XF's" can be disappointing. I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed and say what I always say: "Oh, promise me this isn't leading to something really embarrasing."

You *know* that apologies are necessary and forthcoming,