Theatre of the Mind ~ The Unrequited

I think I mentioned in the last TOTM that I'm not a very big fan of the "ethnic" XF episodes. Unfortunately, I'm not a very big fan of the "military" XF episodes either. "Sleepless," "Fresh Bones," "The Walk," "Unrequited," they all just kinda run together for me. This one does differ from the others slightly, however: it's just pretty darn boring. It was boring the first time I saw it, and it's still boring today. So how will this episode keep my attention long enough for me to write this TOTM? Hmm . . .

1. Speeches in front of the Vietnam War Memorial. Okay, this looks pretty good . . .

2. Why is Skinner talking into his sleeve?

3. TWC1: Holy Mother of God! I think I *just* got interested. Woo Hoo!!

4. "He's here. I feel him." Even though you can't see him, Mulder, perhaps he's glad to see you.

5. LOL - Skinner just stops talking to Mulder and talks only to Scully cause Mulder doesn't answer.

6. Now you see him, now you don't.

7. TWC2: Good Lord! He's whipping it out with his right hand! (His gun, his gun!)

8. Keep looking, Mulder. Nothing vanishes without a trace.

9. This whole episode takes place in 12 hours? It seems muuuuuuch longer.

10. I think I would prefer some playing cards with pictures of Mulder on the backs. Can you buy those on e-bay?

11. Boy, this guy has more smooth moves than David Copperfield.

12. I'm surprised that Mulder or Scully didn't recognize the invisible assailant actually. They should have; they've seen him enough times. He was the truck driver in "E.B.E." and the doomed tram operator in "Ascension."

13. The *legend* tells me that it's November 12. Shouldn't they be doing whatever they're doing at the Vietnam Memorial on Veterans Day which is November 11? I guess that day at the Memorial was already booked.

14. I now know that they call that little scroll thing on the screen the "legend." I learned that at the John Gilnitz chat last week. I never knew that before.

15. If this episode takes place in November, that means it is pre-"Memento Mori" and thus it's safe not to address Scully's cancer in any way, shape, or form. Well, it's nice to know that they have played around with the timeline just as much in previous seasons as in Season 8. That's somewhat comforting.

16. TWC3: Mulder & Scully enter a room and suddenly everyone starts paying attention . . . well, at least I did. I think Skinner was explaining what's going on or something.

17. Nice to know that Spooky's reputation precedes him. Everyone gets a chuckle when Old Spooky suggests that the general's driver might be telling the truth.

18. TWC4: Woo-hoo! Talking procedures for invisible assailants.

19. Looks like old skeptical Scully is back again in this episode. The poor private passed his polygraph but Scully says it's a false positive. Sometimes you can't believe everything you see, Scully . . . or don't see as the case may be. Just wait!

20. "Well, if I have to devise a strategy around that story, then there is no strategy." Huh? I think I'm nodding off.

21. MSRM: They have a lot of nice little looks back and forth in this episode, but here he puts his hand on the small of her back to guide her out as they prepare to leave with the warrant. Awwwww.

22. Yup, that's a right hand, all right.

23. Did Scully just see what she thought she saw? Perhaps it was a false positive.

24. Oh, I've been waiting all year to say this: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT???

25. TWC5: No episode can be all bad that contains a footwear shot! Okay, they have the hounds on their heels, but footwear nonetheless.

26. Denny Markham should have looked a little familiar to Moose and Squirrel too. He was the sheriff in "Die Hand Die Verletzt," the colorful Detective Manners in "Jose Chung's From Outer Space," and will appear in Season 5 as the sheriff again in "Chinga." I guess they didn't recognize him cause he didn't say "I'm not gonna help you find your bleepin' invisible assassin."

27. TWC6: Oooh, Mulder through the chain link fence. Read any Mulder behind bars fanfic lately?

28. TWC7: Showing Scully the photo of the XF two most-used guest stars. Hoo-boy!

29. TWC8: Thanks for that nice close-up of Mulder's tie. What was with that camera pan, anyway?

30. TWC9: Hands behind his back as he strolls along chatting with Scully about who's telling the truth. Oh, my!

31. I think Mulder got seriously turned on when Scully mentioned "an elaborately orchestrated conspiracy."

32. TWC10: Cause he's got that nice little smile and that nice little nod goin' on. Nice!!

33. They did a great job of duplicating the Vietnam Memorial (for "Never Again," too), so I think they want to get maximum use out of it. Lots and lots of scenes take place there, and it looks pretty damn cold!

34. Teager delivers the dog tags and does his disappearing act. Mulder's not in this scene. Perhaps he's lurking behind the monument?

35. TWC11: Woo-hoo! Mulder's back, just as I was losing interest.

36. TWC12: "You say he just disappeared?" Good golly, Miss Molly!

37. One thing you can be sure of on the XF: if you stay around long enough, blood will come spurting out of some orifice or another.

38. ROTFLMAO! Love Mulder's little, "Scully come over here I need to talk to you in private" head bob as Mrs. Davenport is bleeding from the eyes! Yeah, that kind of thing happens every day.


40. Well, it sounds so much nicer when Scully says it: "a simple sub-conjunctival hemorrhage." SHE'S BLEEDING OUT OF HER FRICKING EYE!! That would concern me somewhat.

41. Scully asking Mulder what he's going to do is nearly as common as "Mulder, it's me."

42. It's kind of sad to think that all that is left of you is three teeth and they can still tell who you are. I think that's sad; don't you think that's sad?

43. TWC13: Making a pretty good guess? That's Mulder's specialty!

44. TWC14: The boy can walk and talk (and probably chew gum) at the same time! Such a good do-bee to warn the general of impending doom!

45. I find it very difficult to believe that the general's medals didn't set off that medal detector. (Oh, it's a *metal* detector!)

46. General Steffan finds his own trump card.

47. A floating blind spot . . . uh huh. That probably explains why your car keys are always right in front of you but you just can't see them!

48. I repeat again, the general's medals didn't set off the detector but Mulder's keys did?

49. Mulder gets a big kick out of the fact that Scully asked a doctor a silly question and got laughed at.

50. Mulder hears the murder over the phone. "Sorry, Wrong Number."

51. I'll admit I've only been watching this show for four years or so, but I think you are supposed to snap on the latex before you touch anything at the crime scene. Guess no one could spare a prophylactic. Either that, or latex gloves at the Pentagon are $49.95 a pair.

52. TWC15: Holy Flaming Cow! What a cute face when he shakes off the fact that he thinks he saw Teager out of the corner of his eye! He's a HFC cutie patootie!

53. ROTFLMAO again! Love that look they share when Skinner tells 'em to come see something. It's like, "We are in trouble now!"

54. Mulder tries to back up his theory with Scully's science, but just call her Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.

55. Scully wants to rain on Skinner's parade, but Mulder says the show must go on.

56. Skinner and Scully share a "Mulder is nuts but we'll follow him anywhere" look.

57. The General and Markham talk and Mulder's not in this bleepin' scene either. Let's move on.

58. I love a parade! What, no floats? No big balloons? What kind of a parade is this?

59. TWC16: Two great government employees! Mulder and Lincoln!

60. Oh, shudder! It's the lispy bee husbandry blonde! Where does she get this information anyway?

61. I just knew Scully was gonna rain on this parade.

62. Refer back to #19.

63. TWC17: That's what I like to see; a little tent action!! (Minds out of the gutter now!)

64. Good move to shift Cleo off dead center, Mulder. "You drew your gun, Scully. You must have been a little more convinced than that."

65. ROTFLMAO for the third time! Skinner watching this little tennis match between Moose & Squirrel; I think they forgot that Fearless Leader was there!

66. TWC18: Hands on hips while the General denies everything. Those slacks are riding low! And M&S share a smoldering look when it's time to get busy!

67. Teager prepares to make another surprise appearance when he's spotted by an old Marine buddy. But once again, Mulder's not in this scene and I think I need a little catnap!

68. Gosh, my tape must have rewound when I dozed off! We're back to the beginning of this episode again! Argh! I can't sit through this one more time!!

69. TWC19: Thud! Well, I can watch this part again. Mulder looks better the second time around.

70. Lucky for Mulder, we can't tell if he dropped his gun when he jumped out of the way of the car.

71. I'm not sure Agent Hill is that good a shot; I think he just got lucky.

72. MSkRM: Mulder seems a little *too* concerned about Skinner's minor flesh wound. Is there something you'd like to share, boys?

73. Teager's date of birth is the same day that I wrote this, March 7. How spooky is that?

74. MSkRM2: As we get a nice view of the flag, Mulder is still obsessing over Walter's wounded elbow. Sorry, but I get a little worried when there are more Mulder/Skinner Relationship Moments than Mulder/Scully Relationship Moments in one episode. (Or maybe it's just the simple fact that Mulder likes to stick his fingers in things and he just can't pass up something like a bullet hole.)

75. TWC20: Back at the wall, this ep ends just as it began with a big woo-hoo!

76. Skinner was in this episode, but I sort of expected him to be a little more involved. After all, he's the Vietnam Vet of this group, and it would seem to me that he should have played a larger role, but his experiences "in country" weren't even mentioned until the end. He should have been the one to be incensed by this treatment of a fellow vet and P.O.W., but even after Mulder implores him not to let the truth be covered up (which would make Teager *really* invisible), Skinner remains the dutiful company man. But if it's any consolation, I did think for a minute there that Mulder was going to kiss Skinner at the end. (Just kidding!) He usually only invades Scully's space like that.

77. This is just the kind of XF I like . . . 25 minutes of action packed into 1 hour. J/K again, but did anyone else think that this episode was just a bit lacking in the time department so we got lots of nice shots of flags and marching bands and humvees? Not to mention the teaser two times? I think this episode was 1 part meat and 9 parts filler.

78. But some of it was gorgeous filler! Twenty Worthless Commentaries? That must be some kind of record. I guess you figured out by now what was able to keep my interest in this episode so that this TOTM could be completed. Well, you know, where there's a will, there's a way!

79. If you read this TOTM and still don't know what this episode was about . . . well, I'm not surprised. Here it is in a nutshell: A Marine Corps prisoner of war, abandoned in Vietnam by his superiors, returns to the United States with a vengeance-and a special talent for hiding in plain sight." Hmm, if I'd just written that under #1, I could have saved three pages. Of course, then I would have missed out on basically watching Mulder, his footwear, his hips, his tie, his lips, his hands, etc., etc. Was it a fair trade-off?

80. "It's beyond my capabilities here to make that kind of analysis."

With extreme apologies for this piece of totally worthless . . . well, you know.