Theatre of the Mind ~ Detour

"Communication . . . unspoken." The underlying current of "Detour" and perhaps of the X-Files as well. Because on the X-Files, the things that go unsaid are just as, if not more, important than the things that are said, not only by the two main characters but by everyone else as well. There is always something behind the knowing glances, the eye rolling, the pouty lips, the hand gestures. And most of the time, when a character "says" one thing, he or she probably "means" another. But not everyone can interpret these looks or gestures or false words to their *true* meaning. So tonight, as part of the "Detour" TOTM, I will provide you with some of those translations (TR).

1. Looks like another nice trip to the forest.

2. A new Blockbuster. That's always cause for celebration! Where will the Wal-Mart be?

3. Go ahead. Stick your fingers in it. Everybody wants to be Mulder!

4. I've heard of a bump on a log, but this is ridiculous!

5. Bo must be a jacket hunting dog. He's a good'n.

6. Think how different the X-Files would be if it starred Agents Kingsley and Stonecypher!

7. Did someone seriously think that M&S needed to attend a *teamwork* seminar? They may have their shortcomings, but teamwork ain't one of them.

8. TWC1: "Kill me now." Woo-hoo!! I don't think I've mentioned those Season 5 sideburns at all.

9. Mulder reacts to Scully's confession that she once attended a constructive problem-solving course. TR: You've got to be kidding! So *that's* why you're always trying to naysay me!

10. Scully tries hard not to laugh at Mulder's little jokes about the word "but" and his severe hemorrhoidal condition. TR: Since overcoming a near-fatal disease, I've decided to lighten up and actually enjoy Mulder's sense of humor and I don't care who knows it.

11. M&S share a look when told that communication is the key. TR: Why did we have to ride to Florida with these two bozos? Why couldn't we get our own car?

12. "Thank you, Jesus!" Scully's religious convictions have finally rubbed off.

13. Mulder puts on his best "helpful FBI agent" demeanor for Mrs. Asekoff. TR: This is my chance to escape!!!

14. Sorry, Stonecypher, you're not going to get a little cheese with all that whine.

15. Officer Fazekas, are you related to that cop who was getting holes drilled in his head in "Demons"? His name was Fazekas too! No? Well you sure look familiar. I guess "all things" are possible.

16. Scully tries to look patient. TR: I know what you're trying to do, Mulder, and it's not gonna work.

17. Log-men and panthers and bears! Oh my!

18. A "good" motel? Since when is that a criteria?

19. Michelle tells Mulder thanks, but they can handle it. TR: Don't all the nuts roll down to Florida.

20. TWC2: Hoo-boy! Can you tell what *I'm* thinking, Mulder? It's communication like that, unspoken.

21. Scully just shakes her head, knowing she's lost this round. TR: "I just can't help lovin' 'dat man of mine."

22. Always good to watch horror movies just before bedtime.

23. So now I know the definition of a "good" motel: High speed internet access so Mulder can watch Wild Kingdom.

24. "Who cut the cheese?" TR: Good Lord, she's coming in my room with refreshments! Thank you, Jesus!

25. "Par-tay!" TR: Who are you and what have you done with my enigmatic partner?

26. Scully reminds Mulder that consorting is not allowed. TR: One of the first things you taught me, Mulder, is that you can't always go by the book.

27. Of course there's a real X-File here, Scully! Do you think he'd do this just to get out of going to the conference? TR: Scully doesn't need any work on her communication skills.

28. Scully has *really* lightened up. She's even making jokes abut beachfront retirement condos.

29. "Where are you going?" TR: Mulder, isn't this girlish display of flirting turning you on at all?

30. "I got to check something out." TR: I need to get out of here because I am seriously considering "consorting" right now.

31. Mulder, you can say 'kay whenever you want to, 'kay?

32. Scully watches Mulder go and takes a gulp of wine. TR: You don't know what you're missing, Mulder. I'm going to put on one of your tee-shirts, get in bed, and watch dirty movies until you return.

33. Not only is Bo a good jacket-tracking dog, he's a good watchdog as well. He watches from the bushes while the intruder is in the house.

34. It's the Mothman Cam!

35. I never had a VCR in my room as a kid. (Of course, they weren't invented yet.)

36. "The Invisible Man was invisible." TR: Sheesh, I gotta get this girl to watch some cheesey movies.

37. Scully eye-roll when Mulder suggests a creature with red glowing eyes. TR: What's next, Mulder. Frankenstein monsters?

38. TWC3: "You're putting me on." TR: God, this man is sooo hot!

39. Aww, Mulder and his Dad as Indian Guides. And I thought those two never did anything together.

40. Mulder gets a glare from Scully when Michelle confirms his tracking expertise. TR: Damn it, why is he always right?

41. Hey, Jeff, point that FLIR at M&S. I bet they are generating so much heat it will melt your circuits.

42. TWC4: Great balls of fire! That gray turtleneck, jeans that show off just the right accessories, forest footwear, a blue parka, and oh that hair and those sideburns. This is the HFC "before" moment.

43. Did Mulder think the conference was in Antarctica? Why does he have a parka and Scully has a windbreaker?

44. Why carry a heavy old compass when you can use the Hansel and Gretel directional method!

45. Scully reacts to Jeff's comment about the FOX network. TR: This guy is nuttier than Mulder.

46. Since you guys are splitting up anyway, this might be a good time to use the rest room. Girl's tree on the left, boy's tree on the right.

47. Watch that first step, Michelle. It's a doozy.

48. Mulder definitely has fabulous hair. It goes from wet to dry automatically as he runs to Scully's aid.

49. Watch out, Jeff, they're playing good cop, insane cop.

50. Scully gets a glare from Mulder when she says they must go back. TR: Damn it, why is she always right?

51. How does Scully know so much about ticks? I think she used Mulder's ultra-fast laptop to do some funky poaching after he left the par-tay!

52. Now Scully's making filing jokes? This girl is ready to get some enjoyment out of life, at last!

53. "Oh man, this is not happening. This is not happening." Where have I heard that before?

54. Jeff wants to know what Mulder is doing. TR: Scully is thinking she asks herself that at least 20 times a day.

55. TWC5: While Mulder is looking at the Mothman, I am looking at Mulder. Lord have mercy!

56. Sorry, Jeff, we knew you'd be the next to go. TR: You're a dispensable guest star.

57. You fired six shots, Scully. I was keeping track.

58. Come on, Scully! Get those little legs moving! The man is about to be abducted by someone whose "bark" is worse than their "bite"!

59. MSRM: The Conversation in the Forest (or throw another log on the fire if we had one).

60. I think next time the Bureau would get more for its money by sending M&S to a Forest Survival School than a teambuilding seminar. They don't fare too well in the forest, do they?

61. Talk about getting nekkid, snuggle closer. Good plan!

62. Mulder is taken aback by Scully's comment, "Well, maybe if it rains sleeping bags, you'll get lucky." TR: Did she really say that?

63. Scully gives a patented look when Mulder mentions thinking about dying at the Ice Capades. TR: Can't he ever be serious?

64. Well, Mulder, you must be "extraordinarily lucky" cause you've almost made it! (Sideburns!!)

65. Even as kids they had something in common: Betty's bustline.

66. Scully's bonfire explodes and Mulder smiles. TR: What a woman! God, I love her!

67. No wrestling, just comforting (watch the shoulder!); keeping him warm, keeping watch over him. Doing something you wouldn't be caught dead doing for anyone else (singing); he's shocked that she's singing just for him and then snuggles contentedly in her lap. TR: "I think they mean everything to each other. They love each other, on a profound level such is rarely found in life. I think people sense that, and that's why they love these two characters and they love them together. They'd do anything for each other. They're soulmates." - Frank Spotnitz

68. Do you think Scully got as far as the second verse ". . . and make sweet love to you"?

69. A lurking Mothman. TR: I'm hanging around cause I know these two are gonna have sex pretty soon, and we don't have a Blockbuster in this neighborhood yet.

70. Mulder's been sleeping like a log. TR: Why are the women always gone the next morning?

71. Scully is sure scarffing down those berries. Save a few for your soulmate!

72. TWC6: Who else could sleep outside on the ground all night and look *that* good, I ask you?

73. Oh, oh. Scully's down the rabbit hole. Maybe it's a hallucination brought on by those berries. That would explain the "soft dirt."

74. Scully drops her gun, but I don't think she had too many bullets left anyway.

75. Not to be outdone, Mulder drops his gun as well. TR: Oops, that was a bad idea!

76. Since he now has no gun, Mulder drops himself.

77. Good thing they didn't try to make any more fires and had those bullets left.

78. "There has to be a scientific explanation for this." TR: It's as easy as falling off a log.

79. How many stacked dead bodies do you think it'll take to get out of that hole?

80. Teamwork, good, but they need to work on their side-by-side flying "We're down here!"s.

81. M&S exchange a look when Agent Kinsley asks what they're doing down there. TR: God, I'm glad I didn't get partnered with an idiot like this!

82. TWC7: That gray ripped turtleneck, dirty and scratched face, and oh that hair and those sideburns. This is the HFC "after" moment!

83. The secret is revealed: That's why Mulder is always right; so they can write off their motel.

84. I really don't think anyone is *looking* for Jeff.

85. "Where's Agent Scully?" TR: Oh, oh. I sense that my woman is in danger! I must be the big macho man and go save her!!

86. Agent Stonecypher gives Agent Kinsley a look when he's worried about his jacket. TR: Why couldn't I have gotten a partner like that Fox Mulder? He is one major hunk! Babe-o-licious!

87. You know these two are close when they even pack each other's suitcases.

88. TWC8: Holy Flaming Cow Epilogue. The man just looks fantastic.

89. Mulder looks relieved that Scully is in his room. TR: Thank God! I thought you were eaten by the Mothman. I didn't want to lose you just when we're ready to take this relationship to the next level.

90. Mulder gives the room a parting glance as the Agents head for home. TR: Darn it. We could have had a par-tay in this room and I blew it. But I wouldn't trade our night in the forest for anything, even though it *didn't* start raining sleeping bags.

91. But under the bed, the Mothman still lurks, cheated out of his final mission. TR: Darn! I was sure those two would come back here and have sex! Does this TV get the Playboy Channel?

How can I say this without using any negative words? Easy. When I get down on the future of the XF, I remember that Spotsy and Chris *both* know how to write the 'ship. And even if we never get to see anything more than those nice handholds, forehead kisses, vise-like hugs, and other various and assorted physical forms of affection between these two, scenes like the Conversation in the Forest just confirm for me that the love between M&S is so profound that no matter what kind of physical display they might ever show us, it still wouldn't be enough to properly convey the depth of emotion and caring. These two *are* soulmates; and I still have faith that Chris, Spotsy, and the rest of the gang at 1013 won't forget that as their incredible story draws to a close. 'Kay?

I could go on and on, but unfortunately around this time of night, I always develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition. My apologies.