Theatre of the Mind ~ Monday

1. Monday, Monday. Can't trust that day.

2. "Two of my agents might be in there." Gee, who do you think that might be?

3. I know there's lots of blood, but is it wrong that I'm focusing on his belly button?

4. "It doesn't have to end like this." God, I hope she's right. There's four more acts.

5. TWC: Let's just say right now that this entire episode rates one great big Holy Flaming Cow! It would be impossible for me to choose just one moment. Mulder looks fine in every way, shape and form: wet, dry; dressed, undressed; asleep, awake; standing, sitting, lying down, falling down, bleeding; etc., etc., etc. Therefore, tonight's totally worthless commentary tally shall be directed elsewhere ... how do I love the feet/footwear? Let me count the ways.

6. Asleep on his tummy. Aww.

7. I never quite figured out how the waterbed and the fused penny/dime from "Dreamland" remained when everything else went back to the way it was. Not the time to nitpick, I suppose.

8. Reflecting!Mulder. Oh my.

9. TWC1: I ask you, how can you look upon those feet and not fall in love?

10. Better call Howie Long and Terri Hatcher and get your money back for that Radio Shack clock.

11. Reach into the stream of water and pull the plug out of the wall. Kids, don't try this at home.

12. TWC2: The size 11's provide the background for dropping the phone. TWC3: And for picking it up. Woo-hoo!

13. Mulder has just the right watch for every occasion. Luckily, this one tells us the day.

14. Those wet yellow pj's sure cling to that wet behind, don't they?

15. TWC4: Keeping the camera on the running shoes ensures a low camera angle when Mulder returns to the room if you get my drift. Not that I'm looking at anything other than the feet.

16. "Hullo?" If I spontaneously combust while writing this TOTM, please know that I died with a smile on my face.

17. A gift? He thinks the bed was a gift? From whom? Daddy Spender? Diana? Frohike? Krycek? Mr. Paranoia comes home to find a waterbed in his apartment and makes no effort to find out where it came from? I guess you should never look gift furniture in the mouth.

18. Yippee! The X-Files office! Do you think they got that Spender bloodstain out of the carpet, or just set the desk overtop it?

19. But seeing that one blank space on the wall makes me sad. Doesn't it make you sad?

20. Another XF myth blown to hell: seems that Mulder isn't independently wealthy as we had all imagined. He has to worry about bouncing his checks, just like the rest of us.

21. Okay, so Scully doesn't know about the waterbed. It doesn't mean they haven't done it ... it just means they haven't done it in the waterbed.

22. Hard to believe under that scruffy exterior lies the sweet Ed Chigliak from "Northern Exposure."

23. Acting Tip: I don't think you're supposed to mouth the dialogue of the other actors while they're saying their lines. (Oh, part of the story. Never mind.)

24. Reflecting!Mulder in the rear view. Nice!

25. As Mulder is waiting in line at the bank, I just like seeing him go "ba, ba, ba, ba," like he's humming or singing. Nice tie-in to what comes later in the episode.

26. I actually think it's Skinner and Scully who are trapped in hell, having to attend this same boring meeting day after day after day, listening to Agent Arnold drone on about crime projections. Only the graphs have changed to protect the innocent.

27. I repeat that I don't condone violence, but that woman is asking for it.

28. Don't you think the teller looks like Oprah?

29. Where's the kevlar when you really, really need it?

30. Scully's got her hands full, but can't take her eyes off Mulder. :::sniff:::

31. Meanwhile, back in hell ... I guess Psychic!Kim has been taking lessons from Psychic!Scully. How did she know M&S were in trouble? Cops on the scene didn't know they were in there. Who even knew they went to the bank? Or maybe that was the signal to get Walter out of the meeting!

32. Scully has a bit of trouble with the tie, but I'd be willing to bet she's ripped his shirt off before.

33. Aww, the way she cradles his head and touches his face. I'm getting all verklempt!

34. What's with this "Steve" thing? Something you'd like to share with the class, Agent Scully?

35. MSRM: Nothing says it better than (with voice breaking) "I have to get my partner out of here."

36. Blown to kingdom come. Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way.

37. Well, luckily you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

38. Sleeping on his back this time. TWC5: That's the way! Swing those golden arches right in front of the camera! TWC6: And follow with a nice close-up of those long, elegant toes. Yowza.

39. Same crappy Radio Shack clock. I'm telling you, call Howie and Terri.

40. No smarter this go-round: still striving for electrocution.

41. Thanks for that camera angle intended for picking up the watch but highlighting the bulge. Those yellow jammies leave nothing to the imagination!

42. TWC7: Oh, the little footwear hop! TWC8: And more feet as he positions the pot to catch the leak. TWC9: Are you aware of the statistics of footwear accidents in the home? Well, at least his ass broke his fall and sent those feet in the air! TWC10: Feet and shoes in one glorious shot. I think I passed out for a minute. TWC11: That was so nice, we had to see it twice. And we got another shot of his wet butt for good measure. Think he bought that dartboard to curb his pencil-tossing habit?

43. Good time to say that Carrie Hamilton, who plays Pam, is the daughter of Carol Burnett.

44. Also a good time to say that Vince is making the "Holly" references harder and harder to find. In this one, girlfriend Holly Rice grew up in Cradock, a suburb of Portsmouth, Virginia - thus, the Cradock Marine Bank; and Holly's mother's maiden name is "Bernard."

45. All those episodes when he's cleaning under his nails with that letter opener; where is it when he really needs it?

46. Only M&S could have a philosophical discussion pertaining to fate, destiny, and a leaky waterbed.

47. I'd like to see how their lives would have turned out if they'd never met: It's a Wonderful X-File.

48. Did you notice that each time this scene is replayed, Scully is pretty interested in that waterbed?

49. Letting someone deposit your paycheck for you? I'd say that's true love. But why is he worried about his mistaken endorsement? I bet she forges his signature pretty good by now.

50. Mulder has his trenchcoat but it doesn't look like rain. Good thing, cause rainy days and Mondays always get me down. (You could see that coming, couldn't you?)

51. "Please remember me." Wow. That breaks my heart. Good Tim McGraw song too.

52. Annoying woman down! I vote for this scenario. Let's stick with this one.

53. Hey, Oprah, next time keep those details to yourself.

54. Poor Mulder was probably a jigsaw puzzle after that one. Oh Monday mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be.

55. Left side this time, How did he sleep on that little bitty couch for so long?

56. I'm expecting Mulder to break into song. Not Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. It's All Been Done. ("Don't mock the egg, Jay.")

57. TWC12: Those feet just get better and better every time they hit the floor.

58. Why didn't Scully call him on his regular phone? Oh, nitpicking again.

59. Should it concern me that people are able to wander away from their tour at the FBI?

60. Mulder sure accumulated a lot of stuff in the XF office in the short time since Spender & The Fowl One have been gone. Didn't most of his stuff burn in the fire? Where's he been keeping this junk?

61. It's deja vu all over again.

62. Best Scullyism: "Did you do a lot of drinking in college?"

63. Another philosophical discussion about changing your fate/destiny. I'm telling you kids, save some of that for "all things."

64. I believe M&S should tempt fate in other ways. Oh Monday mornin', Monday mornin' couldn't guarantee, that Monday evenin' you would still be here with me

65. ATM out of order. The little tiny tellers are on a break.

66. "You're saying this day repeats over and over again." I think I saw this movie.

67. You mean I could have seen those nekkid feet 47 more times? Bummer.

68. Mulder quickly recognizes the meeting from hell and makes a quick get-away.

69. You can tell Skinner is just fascinated by the little soap opera these two are putting on.

70. Remember, Bernard, you had my permission to shoot that woman. Go for it.

71. Had I been Mulder, explosives or no, I think I would have risked another shot at Bernard. The outcome couldn't have been any worse.

72. Leave it to Mulder to try and figure out a way to remember the next time. (Ba, ba, ba, ba.)

73. Oh Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me?

74. TWC13: Thirteen feet moments? Coincidence? I think not.

75. Love the feel that the slo-mo adds to this version of the events. Underscores the repetitiveness. No philosophical discussions or waterbed musings this time. Just a familiar hand on the shoulder.

76. "Why are you always in a mood?" Gee, I hope Pam hasn't had PMS all this time.

77. But whenever Monday comes you can find me cryin' all of the time.

78. Did you know the original title of this episode was "Mobius" which was derived from "Mobius strip," which is a continuous one-sided surface that can be formed from a rectangular strip by rotating one end 180 degrees and attaching it to the other end. [Named for August Ferdinand Mobius (1790-1868), German mathematician.]

79. GPM: "Scully, I need you to do something for me right now." Did you have any doubt she would?

80. Last chance Bernard. You've got two guns now. Get rid of that woman!

81. I wonder why Pam never went in the bank in any of the other 51 odd times this scenario played out?

82. Thanks for saving Mulder's life, Pam. I'm so glad we had this time together ...

83. Um, calling Doctor!Scully. You might want to put some pressure on that gunshot wound to stop the flow of blood. I guess Scully only sticks her fingers in bodily fluids for Mulder. (You could go ahead and rip his shirt off again - I wouldn't mind.) Well, I guess calling the paramedics is important too.

84. Return of the Couch! And return of Bedhead!Mulder. That Flowbee cut is finally growing out a bit.

85. I couldn't work at the FBI. They start the day too damn early!

86. "Mulder, it's me." I hope those aren't Spender's teeth that got left behind in the cleanup.

87. Hey, I figured out what was wrong that Mulder had to put right! As much as I liked that bare chest and those yellow pj's, we all know that Mulder always sleeps in a tee shirt and plaid pajama bottoms (except when Scully comes over to stay when he sleeps in the nude, but that's another story). Once Mulder donned his traditional sleepwear, Monday could move along and Tuesday could dawn so we wouldn't still be singing, oh Monday, Monday, won't go away, Monday, Monday, it's here to stay.

88. I'm sure as soon as Mulder gets in his bedroom, he's going to make his "To Do" list for Tuesday: 1. Place ad to sell waterbed. 2. Sign up for direct deposit.

Hey, clare-o, my bud, could you tell how much I love this episode? Definitely one of my favorites, definitely in my all-time top ten. I love all the angst of the teaser and the first act, I love the playful banter, I love Mulder's ever-changing waterbed schtick, and of course, I love all the tension-gripping, shirt-ripping, pajama dripping, bare foot skipping, footwear tripping, M&S shipping moments. I could watch "Monday" again and again and again and ... well, you get the picture.

Did you ever have one of those days you wish you could rewind and start all over again from the beginning? This has been one of them. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, and apologies, as always.