Theatre of the Mind ~ Rain King

1. It's a Valentine featuring one of the Campbell Soup Kids! Mmmm, mmmm, good.

2. Who knew that Season 6 would be the place where old stars of SNL would come to jumpstart their careers?

3. Don't be sad, Sheila. You're better off without that jerk!

4. Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down too. Always coming down off my XF Sunday high.

5. Sheila's tears turn to rain. Let's see Queen of Tears Scully do that!

6. I'm sure this heart-shaped hail is some Hallmark gimmick.

7. TWC1: Woo-hoo! We've Only Just Begun.

8. It's Hoss Cartwright, Jr. I miss Bonanza.

9. Gee, you sure look like a couple reference number 1.

10. Don't you just love it when Scully asks all the questions and Mulder stands around and looks innocent?

11. Ah, the banter. It's Yesterday Once More.

12. Morley Lights. Reminds me of whale songs for some reason.

13. TWC2: "We want to see the king." He's got just the lip for an Elvis impersonation.

14. "We usually just say, 'please.'" ROTFLMAO. No you don't.

15. Gee, you sure look like a couple reference number 2.

16. I hope they have a truly romantic getaway too. I've been hoping since the Pilot. But more often than not, they're just Hurting Each Other.

17. All this time I thought smart is sexy; now I find out weather is sexy.

18. Scully is sure in a hurry to get out of town. Scully, It's Going to Take Some Time.

19. "I hear a big 'but" coming." She's not talking about Mulder's "brush," is she?

20. I think Mulder should get his own vanity plate. SPOOKY, of course!

21. How can I get a job like Cindy's? Toting around Mulder's footwear in a suitcase!

22. Have you ever noticed that Scully gets about six inches taller when she's standing next to Mulder versus when she's walking beside him? How does she *do* that?

23. Frankly, I'm surprised Mulder can tear himself away from the Playboy Channel long enough to watch the Weather Channel.

24. They should have left the Moose & Squirrel in the rain blooper in. They didn't say cut?

25. Hard to believe it's been 20 years since we finished high school. You can say that again. It seems like Only Yesterday.

26. Sheila and Holman seem to be two good friends. Holman seems to have some "feelings" for Sheila which he has trouble articulating. Sheila doesn't seem to be aware of these feelings. Come on! Who would believe a story like that!

27. Tsk, tsk, Scully. Those lovely p.j.'s and no one to see them. I know someone who'd like to be Close to You.

28. 3:08 a.m. Does the man *ever* sleep?

29. Holy Flying Cow! That is udderly amazing! (How do cows *usually* fly around? They use a Heli-cow-pter.)

30. Gee, you sure look like a couple reference number 3.

31. I've always dreamed of the day when she would run her fingers through his hair. This isn't exactly what I had in mind.

32. Cows at 12,000 feet? What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space? Steer Wars.

33. Scully might not be able to turn her tears to rain, but she never looks like a raccoon either.

34. Will the farmer know one of his cows is missing? What does a farmer use to count his cows? A cow-culator.

35. Poor Sheila. Seems like she has had to say Goodbye to Love more than once.

36. TWC3: Blue tee's and butterfly bandages. Hoo-boy!

37. You can tell that Scully is *insanely* jealous by the way she flexes those eyebrows.

38. Oh, oh. Rain stopped. Daryl might want to get a Ticket to Ride.

39. Mulder in Scully's bed! I'm On Top of the World!

40. TWC4: Holy Flaming Cow! He looks good in other spots too, but when he looks so fine in that tee shirt *AND* he's in Scully's bed, well, that's just a combination that sets the bovines blazing!!

41. "Huge leap"? You act like that's a new thing.

42. Can you imagine if the feelings of *these* two that they're not expressing controlled the weather? We would spend the rest of our lives in doorjambs or bathtubs.

43. This is *one* of those missing scenes that I really wish we'd gotten. I would have *loved* to have seen M&S getting ready to go to bed in the same room. I'm picturing an "It Happened One Night" moment.

44. "Holman, it's me." Is this some sort of midwestern strange parallel universe?

45. Holman is busted. You don't have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

46. Too bad that cow didn't wear a bell. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

47. Never told her how you feel. Pot, meet kettle.

48. Agent Mulder providing advice to the lovelorn. That's the biggest X-File yet.

49. GPM (Good Phone Moment): The loooooong pause after Mulder tells Scully that Holman wants dating advice says it all! "I will talk to you later."

50. Poor Daryl. Fame is fleeting when you're a Superstar.

51. I've seen how they "gaze" at each other too. For six loooooong years.

52. Perfectly happy with his friendship with Agent Scully? Who is he kidding? More like, "I Won't Last a Day Without You."

53. "I do not *gaze* at Agent Scully." Not much you don't.

54. Well, at least Sheila didn't say, "Oh, brother," when Holman said he loved her.

55. Mulder has to beat them off with a stick. Except for the one he *really* wants!

56. That looks like "actor boxing" to me. No hitting in the face!! (Don't say I didn't learn nothin' by watching DD interviews for 48 hours straight!)

57. Too bad that Scully never thinks Mulder deserves a big reward.

58. "What does red mean?" I knew that "Weather Channel" thing was a bluff.

59. Oh boy! 70s Theme Reunion! When disco was a dancing queen! Do you think the DJ will take requests? I have a strange desire to hear Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music."

60. Okay, under the circumstances, I guess "Rock the Boat" is more appropriate.

61. TWC5: I'm a sucker for "Aw shucks" Mulder when Sheila tells him he looks handsome.

62. This was the man who was going to provide dating advice? Reduced to adolescent foot-shuffling?

63. Don't worry, Mulder. Scully's got your back. The things we do for love, indeed.

64. Do Moose & Squirrel look like they're swaying to the music or is it just me?

65. "Dear Mulder" had his chance. Now it's time for Scully to take matters into her own hands.

66. I know it's hard to believe. Not even a kiss. (Though I'm sure Scully will be *very* glad to know that the man knows how to kiss. With those lips? I should hope so.)

67. MSRM: They don't both have to be present to have an MSRM, you know. When Scully is giving her little speech about "flicking the switch," I just hope she was listening.

68. Some men say it with flowers; Holman says it with flash flooding.

69. Holman and Sheila seal it with a kiss, Daryl and Cindy seal it with a kiss. Let's see . . . that only leaves one couple unaccounted for.

70. I was *so* sure Mulder was going to say, "Scully, may I have this dance?" Curses foiled again.

71. TWC6: "You should try it sometime." Yeah. Sooner, rather than later. We're not getting any younger.

72. So with a little help, Holman and Sheila got the happy ending they deserved, and a brand new baby. Something tells me that Mulder & Scully will get the happy ending (and the baby) they deserve as well. It just takes a little longer with some people. But you know . . . after the reunion was over, M&S had to spend at least *one* more night in that hotel room together. They arrive back at the motel after witnessing a very romantic (and wet) evening. One thing leads to another. Maybe at some point during that fateful night, a switch was flicked. And the next morning, they each saw something more than they did the night before. And suddenly, the person who was just a friend is now the only person they can ever imagine themselves with. And that might be exactly what happened . . . For All We Know.

In this Season of X-Files Light, Rain King was a pleasant enough diversion. A sweet story of two people who repress their feelings and who should be together but can't seem to figure that out trying to play matchmaker for two other people who repress their feelings and should be together but can't seem to figure that out. "The blind leading the blind."

Interestingly enough, "Rain King" was the highest rated episode of Season 6. There's no accounting for taste, I guess. "Don't look at me. This was your idea."

I'm telling you, that cow had my name on it. Apologies to cows in general, the Carpenters, St. Valentine, and of course, all of you.