Theatre of the Mind ~ Two Fathers

1. Previously on the X-Files: I've spent five plus years watching this thing and they compress the mythology into a two minute clip? Think of all the time I could have saved.

2. I'm glad they got a "Coherent" monitor as opposed to an "Incoherent" one.

3. I just came in for a belly button ring! What's with the tummy tuck?

4. Except for the green sizzling blood, this plastic surgery is awesome!! No scarring!

5. You've never had surgery till you've had it on a train. (Surgery on the Consortium Express?)

6. Sounds like these guys have been building the Bride of Frankenstein or something.

7. While vanpooling has its benefits, this isn't one of them.

8. Whadya know? The belly button belongs to none other than Cassandra Spender, missing since that "When Krycek Kissed Mulder" episode.

9. Well, they say that confession is good for the soul ...

10. Thanks for clearing up that rebel alien race thing. I understand it perfectly now. Not.

11. Sounds like the Skinman misses those entertaining reports his *old* agents used to write.

12. I have noticed in this episode that Cassandra and I are very similar. Like, for example, if I was reunited with Jeffrey after a lengthy absence, the first thing I would want to do is talk to Mulder.

13. TWC1: Well, this certainly gives the phrase "Got Milk?" a whole new meaning.

14. I'm not sure if Mulder is more surprised to see Scully or her shorter-than-normal skirt.

15. He wasn't cheating. He was just showing off for his "home girl."

16. Did I miss something? When did Mulder become Funkmaster Foxy Fox?

17. We knew that "White Men Can't Jump," but Mulder proves that "White Men Can't Hip-Hop" either.

18. At least Scully finds him mildly amusing. She can barely contain a little chuckle.

19. FWIW, IMHO, I think those are the most acronyms ever used in one sentence, but YMMV.

20. How did Jeffrey know that his mother had been operated on? Her incision sealed up tighter than a Ziploc bag.

21. So Cassandra is the latest "key to everything." There are so many "keys to everything in the XF" that it's just like the keys on my key ring. I've lost track of what they're for, and none of them open a blessed thing.

22. I think that CSM truly was sorry that he had to kill Dr. Openshaw.

23. When are they gonna get this right? It's "Silver Spring," not "Silver Springs."

24. My God! I'm glad they found another Elder to say, "My God." I was missing WMM.

25. I don't want to set the world on fire. Just you.

26. So there *is* someone else who has no life working in the bullpen! Mulder is not alone!

27. Thanks for sharing those flame-broiled close-ups.

28. TWC2: Aw, he looks so sweet looking up at Scully. Set-up or no, he'll do it for you.

29. Attack of the Green Jello!

30. What kind of a hospital is this anyway? They haven't noticed yet that her blood is just a little bit green? (Perhaps it's from all that Green Jello!)

31. The sign outside Cassandra's door said, "No Visitors. Quarantine." Naturally, that doesn't stop Dr. Scully!Medicine Woman!

32. I think the Agent watching Cassandra is Agent Barbie. And a fine Agent she is! Oh, they're going into a storage room. Should be safe there. Think I'll take a break. Wonder what Agent Ken's doing?

33. Did you notice that Cassandra hugged both Scully and Mulder but *not* her son, Jeffrey? (Though I'm not sure why she's so glad to see Mulder. Wasn't he being kind of a jerk when he saw her last?)

34. Again, another similarity between me and Cassandra: If I were to meet Mulder, I would pee the floor also.

35. Example of Underappreciated Duchovny acting: The way he swallows hard and closes his eyes when Cassandra mentions Samantha. A nice moment.

36. So they do talk offscreen! Guess Mulder told her about seeing Samantha while he was taking care of her following her cancer going into remission (well, he did in *my* universe, anyway).

37. Oh. Purity. Purity *Control*. I get it. Though I was always partial to "Monkey Pee."

38. Ex-husband. Yuck. I'll never be able to sing, "On Top of Old Smokey" again.

39. He couldn't kill the mother of his son. Guess there is a heart in there somewhere.

40. Wow! Krycek is moving up in the world! He gets to go to Consortium Club meetings now!

41. Okay, I know this is nitpicking, but if those rebel aliens have closed up their mouths and eyes and ears (and all other orifices, I'm assuming), how are they able to talk and see and hear when they are masquerading as one of us? Perhaps they use other parts of their bodies for that. Eww.

42. How did CSM know the syndicate had been compromised? He just knew.

43. It seems that Spender has been busy since Skinner came to call earlier. He got his and Diana's nameplates put on the door. (Poor Scully. Six years and still no nameplate.)

44. What, no passwords required at the FBI? Or perhaps Spender left his computer "on" since Mulder only turned on the monitor.

45. Jeffrey "Frank" Spender? You'd think at least it would be "Francis." I guess he's named after Spotsy.

46. CGB ... CSM ... po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

47. Aw, despite everything, Skinner is still trying to save their asses.

48. TWC3: With so many things on fire in this episode, I'm surprised Spender didn't burst into flame with that look from Mulder. Holy Flaming Cow!

49. I've wanted to slap Jeffrey around for a while now, but I don't like seeing C.G.B. do it.

50. Yo, Funkmaster Foxy Fox, where's yo' posse? Word up.

51. Letting Scully do all the work while you "work" on your jump shot. What's up with that?

52. (But I think that boyish display of agility is turning her on. It is me, anyway.)

53. Photographic evidence that C.G.B. is Mulder's real dad: That "Elvis" hair he had in 1973. I mean, Mulder's Elvis fixation had to come from somewhere, right?

54. TWC4: Woo-hoo! Sweaty!Ponderous!Mulder is just the ticket!

55. Isn't it lovely when family heirlooms are passed down from generation to generation? Here, son. Your own alien-pfffft-icepick! You too can be a murderer! Just like dear old dad!

56. Trick or treat!

57. Don't feel bad, Jeff. Premature discharge is a common problem the first time. It happens to everyone. (Not to Krycek, of course, but he's had more practice. One-handed.)

58. Okay, nitpicking again, but how come the green blood isn't toxic to Krycek and Jeffrey? Are they immune? Or is that a detail I'm not supposed to worry about?

59. TWC5: Hoo-boy! Casual!Mulder opening the door to the "forbidden" Walter Skinner.

60. Skinner looks like he's thinking, "Not that old aliens colonizing the earth thing again!"

61. I knew Mulder would sort all this out while shooting hoops. (Of course, Scully doing all the background checkin' jagoff shoeshine tip work probably didn't hurt.)

62. Poor Jeffrey. I actually feel a bit sorry for him. Okay, I'm done.

63. I've always wondered: did Ratboy spill the beans about C.G.B. to Jeffrey on purpose? I think so.

64. "I'll be my own great man." Curse you, Chris Carter! Don't make me like him now!!!

65. So who is hearing Spender's confession? Mother O'Fowley. Blech! I guess the fact that she didn't advise him to say a few "Hail Mulders" shows us where her loyalties lie.

66. "You've *never* betrayed me"? Never, as in not once in all our previous dealings? Yuck. They deserve each other.

67. Good old Walt, risking career and pension to help out the two kids. He misses them!

68. Some "guard." Agent Barbie is probably already back at the Dream House.

69. All that pounding! For a minute there, I thought that Mulder's neighbors had finally had enough of his shenanigans.

70. Once again, the Cassandra/Polly comparisons are staggering: I generally have the overwhelming urge to grab his pants as well.

71. She is "the one." I thought Gibson Praise was "the one." And if memory serves, pretty soon Mulder will be "the one." Note to 1013: Everybody can't be "the one." Would it be too much to ask to just pick one "one" and stick with it?

72. More pounding. This time, it probably is the neighbors wondering who was doing all that pounding.

73. I think shooting a girl for grabbing your pants is a little extreme. But what a way to go.

74. Is Cassandra really "the one"? Does colonization really begin if the aliens find out she exists? Will Scully stand away? Will Mulder shoot? Will Krycek summon Skinner with a little love tap on his Nasty Nano-Critter Palm Pilot? What will Jeffrey do with his newfound balls? Will C.G.B. try to prove to Diana that he is just "one silly millimeter longer"? Is it possible for Mulder & Scully to share more meaningful and serious looks than they did in this episode? And what happened to Agent Barbie?

75. I'd like to answer those questions, but unfortunately I got game. I got so much game that I bet you're wondering if I have any work left in me. Oh, I'm ready to J-O-B, just not on some jagoff shoeshine tip. No TOTM-writin' jagoff shoeshine tip. What? You mean you really want to know what happens in the next part, "One Son"? You really want me to write the next TOTM?

76. "I didn't hear the magic word."

With apologies to be continued . . .