Theatre of the Mind ~ Fight Club

1. Tandem bike riding in the Missionary Position. And people told me I'd never see the Missionary Position on the X-Files!

2. One louse, two louse, red house, blue house. From there to here, from here to there, similar opposites are everywhere.

3. Cable today. Heaven can wait.

4. How come the Missionaries who visit my neighborhood stop at *every* house?

5. A Betty back in the day? This looks like a LuLu of a problem!

6. Shooting the Messengers? Not allowed. Beating the crap out of the Messengers? That's okay.

7. Is it Moose & Squirrel, or is it Memorex? (Actually it's Steve & Arlene, but sadly, they are not the Agents Who Look *and Sound* Like Mulder & Scully; DD and GA looped the voices of the look-alike Agents in postproduction.)

8. Poor Steve. In Season 9 he's relegated to roles like Man Who Looks Like Running!Mulder and Man Who Wishes His Ass Looked As Good As Mulder's. 9. The Agents Who Look Like Mulder & Scully were also the Agents Who Looked Stupid for continuing to talk to Betty's door after Betty walked past them, just to prolong unveiling their identities.

10. Do you think Moose & Squirrel ever want to beat what Looks Like the Snot out of each other?

11. Look-A-Like Scully's little feet *do* reach the pedals. Ouch. Poor Look-a-Like Mulder.

12. Slide show!

13. MSRM: It's flirty and funny as M&S play their own little version of charades, with Sherlock!Mulder dangling the clues and Watson!Scully solving them one by one ... much to Mulder's chagrin and delight. Scully proves herself a worthy Sherlock who can solve a three-pipe problem with the best of them.

14. The M&S look-alikes may not be romantically involved, but from this verbal foreplay, I'd say it's clear that the real things have definitely been engaging in some not-so-youthful indiscretions ... perhaps not atop Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's tombstone on a misty night in Windlesham, but perhaps atop Mulder's bed on a rainy night in Alexandria.

15. TWC1: Two words ... sounds like ... woo-hoo!

16. If Betty already had time to get her Kansas driver's license, why didn't she get new license plates for her car at the same time?

17. No matter how bad the rest of it is, any episode that has a scene that ends with a Pouting!Mulder and a Smug!Scully (who looks like she gives Mulder a playful punch) has some redeeming value.

18. Best Mulderism: "Don't go thinking I'm going to start doing the autopsies."

19. Doppelgangers ... copy shop ... I get it.

20. Collate? Staple? One to one or one to two? Letter or legal? I couldn't take the pressure!

21. I keep waiting for Brooke Shields and Judd Nelson to show up.

22. That's the way with trains and Koko Copy Shops. If you miss one, another one will come along in four or five minutes.

23. I didn't know there was such a demand for Mongolian barbecue chefs.

24. Randall "Tex" Cobb? What are the XF coming to? Pretty soon Burt Reynolds will be a guest star!

25. Oops: Betty's license gave her address as Alderwood, but she lived in the *pink* house.

26. TWC2: Love Mulder's little faces while Scully questions Zupanic. They say, "Don't mess with her, buddy. Trust me, I know."

27. No, Mulder, I'd say she *doesn't* know what you're thinking. Well, she always keeps you guessing.

28. Best Mulderism Retread by Scully: "Well, I guess that's why they put the 'I' in the FBI."

29. That is one fast elevator.

30. I think Mulder's about to find out why they put the "I" in Illegal Entry.

31. They met. The earth moved. The bar exploded. It was kismet.

32. And Mulder said he had trouble making friends.

33. "Ma nish ta na" roughly translates (from Hebrew) to "So what else is new?".

34. TWC3: You ain't the only one lookin' at his posture, Scully. Hoo-boy!

35. The barbecue may be second to none, but I'm betting it's not Mongolian barbecue.

36. Sounds like the perfect date for Moose & Squirrel: Smack-down meets Soviet art.

37. LuLu Pfeiffer is named for LuLu Powers, a regular catering chef for 1013 Productions.

38. Oops again: Lulu lived in the blue house, Betty in the pink house. If 1013 can't keep this straight, how do they expect me to?

39. Mulder's new bud thinks Scully is da bomb and Mulder is so proud!

40. Mulder's goodbye, "Shalom aleichem," is a traditional Jewish greeting or farewell and basically means, "Peace be with you."

41. One twin in the bed and one at the door ... this never used to happen on the Patty Duke Show!

42. Boop happens.

43. That bad karma can even transcend floors!

44. Froggy's sure got put back together again quickly. Good thing, too, cause Froggy's seems to be not only a popular bar but a popular lunch spot!

45. If they really wanted to freak me out, they should have got that girl from "News Radio" to play the doppelganger.

46. Oh, no. Not again. The guy just got all the glasses stacked back up again.

47. Something is wrong with this picture: Shouldn't you get paid to wrestle, not the other way around?

48. Mulder needs to check out his new friends a little more carefully.

49. TWC4: Mulder. Makin' copies. Mulder-rama. The G-Man. Fox-o-licious.

50. GPM: No **static**. He calls her Sherlock. And he likes being her Watson.

51. You know, they put out these warnings that you shouldn't drive while talking on your cell phone, but they say *nothing* about using your cell while standing in the middle of the road.

52. A lovely footwear closeup!

53. Call Doppelgangers ... that's the name ... and away goes Mulder down the drain.

54. Scully is looking for internet access to practice her emailing skills - "Dearest Fox - I'm physically shaking right now at the thought that I might never see you again, destined to remain trapped in Kansas City forever, searching for you and avoiding contact with two Kathy Griffins. I remain forever yours, Dana."

55. Those who were surprised that Scully didn't look very hard for Missing!Mulder in Season 8 should have seen the writing on the wall: in this one, he's only been gone about two hours and she's already stopped looking for him.

56. Scully's charms definitely not winning over Mr. Danfous.

57. "What's so special about you?" "It's an FBI title, sir." ROTFLMAO.

58. I'm certainly glad *Mulder* didn't call it "Yankee Doodling in a plastic cup."

59. I'm sure after this little encounter, Scully realized how important it was to choose your sperm donor carefully.

60. If I'd known it was that easy to print money at the copy shop, I would have visited there long ago.

61. TWC5: So cute. Well, luckily for Mulder, he knows his way around the sewer. (StormDrain!Hair very similar to BedHead!Hair! Yum.)

62. Pretty telling that after seven years, hearing her partner got sucked into a storm drain doesn't even register on the Scully Eyebrow Meter.

63. Bert has a Bert II. What are the odds of that? That must have been one wacky sperm bank.

64. The audience at the wrasslin' match is made up of a few hundred XF fans who were recruited via ads on the internet and in selected publications, plus a couple hundred cardboard cutouts. Not a surprise, as 1013 seems to think there's no real difference between the two.

65. Shouldn't you be just a little suspicious of a bunch of bills in a Koko's bag?

66. Oooh, great shot of Mulder with that angelic backlighting!

67. "Don't make me have to remove you, ma'am." I love it when he gets all caveman!!

68. Note to Chris: This is what a few hundred XF fans look like when they are not happy. There are millions of us out here. Get the picture?

69. TWC6: He's lookin' at Scully, shirttail out, still a touch of StormDrain!Hair - Holy. Flaming. Cow.

70. Better wipe that smug look off your face, Scully. This might not have been such a good idea.

71. As Mulder predicted, the **static** hits the fan and mayhem ensues. (But don't they look cute looking at each other when it does? That's the look of lurve - and the panic face times two!)

72. A silenced Mulder and Scully explaining it all (with slides to better illustrate). Why do I get the feeling this is what Season 8 is gonna look like?

73. Elementary, my dear Sapperstein. Sapperstein? Does his presence in the XF office at the end make sense to anyone? Well, I suppose it's possible that Mulder invited his new best bud for a sleepover. (He could certainly afford to make the trip.) Or maybe Mr. Sapperstein is a guest instructor in Smack Down 101 at Quantico. Regardless, I would think Moose & Squirrel would know better than to let a Cigar Smoking Man into their office!

74. I think it's more likely that M&S got injured in the fracas that ensued at the arena rather than that they inflicted these injuries on each other. Though Sherlock's probably not complaining ... Watson can't talk, and other *important* parts seem none the worse for wear. As Sherlock Holmes once said to Dr. Watson, "You have a grand gift of silence, Watson. It makes you quite invaluable as a companion."

75. At any rate, I hope they got to share a hospital room, same as the Agents Who Did Not Look Like Them.

76. The Season 7 Episode Guide says that things were getting a little stressed at 1013 at the end of Season 7 with the imminent departure of David Duchovny and all the "not knowing" whether the XF would be back for an 8th season. And to make matters more hectic, the company was prepping the pilot for The Lone Gunmen series at the same time they were wrapping up Season 7. So, the Episode Guide says, Chris Carter reached into his bag of storytelling ideas and resurrected this story idea he had a long time ago. Yeah, he resurrected it, all right ... from Season 3's "Syzygy."

77. Watching "Fight Club" again was a reminder that there is good to be found in all episodes and that forming an opinion about any Seasons1-7 episodes before seeing Seasons 8 and 9 might have been premature. So you may think that I'm going to say that "Fight Club" really wasn't all that bad, that in fact, all things considered, it was a pretty solid episode.

78. "Not even I would be so farfetched."

You know you've got it bad when even "Fight Club" can bring back fond memories of days gone by. And after reading all this, I'm sure you're thinking just one thing: "They could electrocute me quicker." So apologies to all and I'll save you time in sending your feedback. Just copy and paste this:

"Oh crap."

The Person Who Looks Like Polly