Theatre of the Mind ~ Theef

1. Beautiful chandelier. Who's gonna clean that thing? (Am I getting old, or what?)

2. There's always time for Jello!

3. There's one of those "just one more" picture-taking people in every family!

4. Yeah, bring your "big award" to the bedroom to impress the chicks.

5. Pretty disconcerting to find a gingerbread man in your bed.

6. Ewww. Now I'm more concerned with who's gonna clean *that* up!

7. I fail to see why the XF Budget is such a concern at the end of this season ... considering that this is M&S's fifth straight week in California. They should have saved a ton on travel expenses!

8. Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb. (I was only following Mulder's instructions.)

9. TWC1: I'm a sucker for Mulder and his Scully impressions. Sue me.

10. Just when you think they're gonna be all serious and stuff, they get all flirty. Especially love the whispers to each other at the end of the scene. These two always keep me guessing.

11. Love those discussions about beleefs over Little Ass Flashlights.

12. He thinks he knows what she'll say, but Scully buys into his theory just a little. She *does* like to keep him guessing.

13. You might want to rethink that "no enemies" thing.

14. Carpet sweeping ... blech. Why do I have a "cleaning theme" in this episode? I don't want to think about vacuuming until Sears makes one you can ride on.

15. John Shiban was surprised to learn that Leah Sanders, who plays Reporter #1, was a childhood friend he hadn't seen in 20 years.

16. Might be a good time to review those references on Mr. Peattie.

17. Billy Drago, who plays Oral Peattie, appeared in a trio of Chuck Norris movies; and he's also the father of Darren Burrows, who played Bernard in "Monday."

18. Mr. Peattie, would you do that voodoo that you do so well?

19. Don't you think Scully should have said, "Marry me?" when Mulder knew what Kuru was?

20. Is the grandpa that slurps the soup the same grandpa that takes Munchausen by Proxy for his stomach? Grandpa Mulder or Grandpa Kiupers?

21. Slitting your throat and then hanging yourself ... well, that's just overkill.

22. Lucy obviously attended the Theresa Hoese School of Professional Acting.

23. Hairballs, skin eruptions and Jacuzzi!Peattie ... Not sure which one is creepier.

24. TWC2: Woo-hoo. He never keeps me guessing ... he always looks faboo!

25. Oh, I get it. The war between ancient and modern medicine.

26. Theef on the brain.

27. You'd think someone named Orell would be able to conjure themselves up some better teeth.

28. Wow. Even doctors have their own Lone Gunmen.

29. I can honestly say that I never noticed the fabric wristband that says "Flax-Hair Lamb, Theef of Mans Heart" before this viewing. See what happens when you don't pay attention?

30. Aww, poor Mr. Peattie. He is filled with greef.

31. Now I want to see the story of Boon, the old ugly dog. Why do the best stories always happen off screen in this show!?!

32. The phrase "Stinky's good," has gone on to become a commonly-used phrase among the XF crew members. Probably caught on around the filming of "Fight Club."

33. Any episode with such a wonderful his and hers footwear close-up is okay in my book!

34. I think while M&S were getting some info on the goofer dust, they should have gotten a little Love Potion No. 9.

35. I've seen those poppets on Sesame Street.

36. TWC3: Speaking of charms ... hoo boy!

37. 'Kay, tell the truth: Who else says, "Poppin' corn!" now when they make microwave popcorn?

38. Microwave is definitely a true wonder. Microwave till hot ... my favorite recipe.

39. Radiation = God's own glow. Raise your hand if you couldn't see where this was headed.

40. "All done." Didn't I hear Scully say that in a blooper once?

41. If I had seen this episode and been scheduled for an MRI the next day, this is the part where I would have excused myself to cancel my appointment.

42. I'm glad that in the midst of his father-in-law and wife getting killed Dr. Wieder had time to get his awards banquet photos developed.

43. You know, I saw a movie once about a doctor who discovered the pitfalls of "Playing God." I liked it.

44. TWC4: I love it when Profiler!Mulder puts all the pieces together. He is the cheef!

45. What a way to spend eternity.

46. As much as I love his and hers footwear, I also love his and hers umbrellas. (But Mulder's gonna get his footwear muddy! Careful, hon!)

47. Coffin empty; bed occupied. Yup, another tough one.

48. Those sideways glances at the young daughter after you say the bad guy hasn't gotten everything that he wants: not a good idea. That's the way to instill confidence, Mulder.

49. Did anyone else think that sending Scully on a nice trip to the forest was a bad idea?

50. John Gilnitz makes a triumphant return! John Gilnitz is, of course, the compilation of the writers' names (John Shiban, Vince Gilligan, and Frank Spotnitz). Frankly, I'm surprised it's not John C. Gilnitz. But that's just me. "John's" previous credits are Wetwired, Leonard Betts, Christmas Carol, and Dreamland II.

51. TWC5: Okay, so he sees a story about a bizarre illness and makes a giant leap of Mulderific proportions. It's freakin' scary ... but holy flaming cow, he looks pretty good!

52. Lynette losing her head nearly makes Mulder lose his cookies. The return of Squeamish!Mulder. Lovin' it!

53. GPM: Okay, once again it's the only phone moment, but notice how Mulder gives Scully that *BIG* hint: "Just keep an eye out, Scully." ROTFLMAO.

54. I think Scully left her FBI badge laying around hoping it would get destroyed, cause she knew it was time for a new photo.

55. A Scully pic, red hair, in the poppet - contrary to popular beleef, this is *not* what I do in my spare time.

56. Scully without her baby blues is kind of creepy. It would be like Mulder without his ... footwear!

57. Sorry to tell you this, Dr. Wieder, but sometimes carrying a big stick is not the best policy.

58. Playing Blind Man's Bluff with little Dana Scully must have taken forever!

59. C'mon, Mulder, I expect a *little* more urgency here; you got broken window, you got poppet with nails in the eyes. Where's that "Unruhe" kind of intensity that I'm used to?

60. Silly me. I shoulda known there was no need to rush when you can just pull the nails out. What a releef!

61. Scully does keep us guessing by admitting that there might be something outside the realm of science ... extreme possibilities or miracles? Maybe they're pretty much the same thing.

62. MSRM: Mulder's final whispered "You do keep me guessing," to himself and to the audience is such a wonderful testament to the relationship. Mulder is amazed that after seven years, there are still things for him to learn about his partner a whole new world to explore. Despite all CC's efforts to confuse and befuddle us, I'm glad that they still keep us, and each other, guessing after all these years.

63. The "In Memoriam" at the end of the episode is for Rick Jacobson, president of 20th Century Fox Television, who died of cancer in March 2000 at the age of 48.

64. "Theef" was one of those "okay" episodes for me; I enjoyed it, but nothing to write home about. I guess you could say that the best thing about "Theef" was that it provided my own personal motto for all the TOTMs: "Stinky's good."

An interesting tidbit about this episode is that Kim Manners fell ill while directing it, and Rob Bowman had to fill in for a day. I called Rob Bowman to fill in on this TOTM, but he didn't return my call. Imagine that. So, in case you've wondered why these TOTMs don't seem to arrive with any kind of regularity anymore, remember , I'm doing the best I can and I have no Rob Bowman. I'm just like Scully ... I'll always keep you guessing.

It's like I said ... stinky's good. I'll just continue to ask myself that all important question: "Mulder, why are we here?" Breef apologies to all!