Theatre of the Mind ~ 4-D

1. It's commonly accepted that the "fourth" dimension - 4D - is *time*, but the title of this episode refers to a parallel universe.

2. Are you sure Lance Armstrong got started this way?

3. Today on "As the X-Files Turn," it's a menage a trois stakeout.

4. Factoid: To emphasize the episode's theme, the film in the teaser was flipped to show a mirror image of the action captured by the television camera. Characters who are right-handed appeared to be left-handed, and entrances that were on the left are depicted on the right. Special attention was paid to the written words on badges and signs. Each word was carefully written backwards on the set, with certain letters turned around in the same way the word "ambulance" appears on emergency vehicles.

5. Way to provide backup, manly men.

6. Not that I want to test the theory, but I would think it would be nearly impossible to scream that loud with your throat cut.

7. Oh, sure - *now* they come running!

8. Lukesh got your tongue? (Hey, *somebody* had to say it!)

9. TWC1: Wow! And I thought those ears looked big from the *front*!

10. Caught red-handed, so to speak.

11. Apparently some things do vanish without a trace.

12. Hey, the police cars are gone. I wonder if that means something?

13. Look out, Johnny Bravo!

14. Reflections of a Tagline. (Apparently they've decided to make up for lost time with the tagline changes. None last season; already two for four this year.)

15. Mirror, mirror in my hand, why is Season 9 so bland?

16. You leave your front door open, you never know what'll walk in.

17. MMM: Just like a manly man - offering to move the dresser or the fridge when they know they don't have to.

18. Polish sausage? There's a wiener joke in here somewhere, but I can't quite seem to find it.

19. The old kids had their Barbecue Sauce Wipe, the New Kids have a Mustard Moment.

20. Nice look that passes between D&R: a bit of longing, a bit of a shared past, a bit of embarrassment.

21. TWC2: But didn't we just learn last week that Doggett is carrying a torch for Scully? You Dawg!

22. Monica is saved (from indigestion) by the bell.

23. Don't ya hate people that eat and disappear?

24. If Doggett has to be in two places, why do both of them have to be in the X-Files?

25. Dr. Scully, Medicine Woman, delivers tearful medical prognosis. Isn't she supposed to be teaching or being a Mommy or something?

26. TWC3: Remembering the last guy I saw hooked up to a respirator. :::sniff:::

27. Assistant Director Pissing Contest.

28. An FBI Agent shooting her partner? Like *that* could happen!

29. Nice "Beyond the Sea" reference. I guess Scully is no longer afraid to believe.

30. "The Last Detail" starring Dana Katherine Scully.

31. No better way to say "it's over" than accusing your ex of attempted murder.

32. Stop picking on Scully's girlfriend, you big bully!

33. Creepy Teaser Guy!

34. DMMM: Male Agent lying in a hospital bed; his one in five billion keeping vigil at his bedside, holding his hand. Yes, I'm Desperately Missing Mulder.

35. TWC4: Do you think Scully's students are all sitting in class wondering where their professor is?

36. It's a Teeny Ass Flashlight!

37. Samuel Morse would be proud.

38. 4-D: It's a dimension; it's an apartment number. It's two ... two ... two meanings in one!

39. Name your kid Erwin, what do you expect?

40. Clam-may-toe, Clam-mah-toe.

41. How about a little cheese with all that whine?

42. That voice would give me an itchy trigger finger too.

43. I always wanted to see a little tongue on the X-Files, but this isn't what I had in mind.

44. Walter, you rebel!

45. Although my workplace sometimes resembles one, I can attest to the fact that there is no State Psychiatric Hospital in Gaithersburg.

46. Since when did Follmer become Skinner's Keeper?

47. "The Last Detail" starring Walter Sergei Skinner.

48. Brad needs to find a healthier way of dealing with rejection.

49. Now it's a party - but Skinner and Scully aren't invited.

50. Factoid: Doggett's use of his finger to communicate is inspired by "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly," the moving autobiographical story of Jean-Dominique Bauby. The author was struck with a rare disease called "locked-in syndrome," in which a patient suffers nearly complete motor paralysis, rendering him unable to communicate except by blinking his eyes. It was in this manner that Bauby laboriously conveyed his thoughts and emotions about being a prisoner inside his own body.

51. Nothing like a good, scary typing pause to heighten the tension.

52. Eww. I think Erwin is ready for a big boy bed.

53. Mommie Dearest playing possum.

54. Best Mulderism disguised as a Doggettism: "1ST TIME EVER HOPED FOR A LITTLE PRICK."

55. Monica takes a giant leap of Mulderesque proportions.

56. Factoid: The many worlds, or "multiverse" theory, a radical interpretation of quantum mechanics, lays out the idea that we all have identical counterparts in a countless number of other universes. In 1967, American physicist Hugh Everett first suggested the theory to make sense of the random behavior of subatomic particles, believing that these particles occupied more than one position at the same time.

57. TWC5: Speaking of doppelgangers, remember how much we hated "Fight Club" before Seasons 8 and 9 came along? Not looking so bad now, is it?

58. In questioning Lukesh, SmartAss!Skinner seems to be channeling Fox Mulder. You go, Walter!

59. Factoid: When a firearm is discharged, the rapid oxidation of the gunpowder creates a tremendous amount of energy associated with hot gases, soot, and partially burned gunpowder. These materials are generally referred to as gunshot residue, or GSR. GSR originates from the detonation of the primer, gunpowder, and other components of the ammunition. Some of these materials are propelled forward with the projectile toward the target as well as backward onto the shooter's hands and clothing. The components of GSR may be detected if samples are collected from the hands or clothing of the shooter before washing or removal by other means.

60. Too bad they didn't think to give Monica a GSR test. Might have eliminated her as a suspect right away. But then I guess Brad wouldn't have had an opportunity to be jealous and look all menacingly smarmy.

61. Now Monica is channeling Fox Mulder. That Absent Center really gets around!

62. Kudos for Kriminals: While he's no Donnie Pfaster, Mama's Boy Lukesh is sufficiently disturbing in his own Norman Bates kind of way.

63. Darn! I could've had a V-8!

64. Shame on you, you told a lie, Big Boys *do* cry.

65. I only have one question for Lukesh about killing his mother: What took you so long?

66. TWC6: Hey! No fair! The only time Mulder got shaved by a lady on The X-Files, she turned out to be a vampire.

67. While many would say this was Robert Patrick's best performance because he just laid there (LOL), in all fairness I think he does a good job of conveying the character's frustration and futility using only his eyes and very little facial movement. Though he tries to goad Reyes into pulling the plug to prove her theory, she (and we) realize that he does not want to live this way and this is a plea for her to end his suffering.

68. Some would say that even 1 Doggett in 1 World is 2 many.

69. TWC7: If you close your eyes, can't you just picture this scene with M&S instead of the New Kids? There's even an "I'm fine" for good measure. :::sigh:::

70. WIWW (Where It Went Wrong): Isn't it funny that what's not enough with one couple is too much with another? I don't really dislike Doggett and Reyes. And Lord knows, I don't begrudge them a personal relationship. I know they had a history before they became partners, and Mulder and Scully did not. I realize it's reasonable to suggest there could be something between them. I know from experience that innuendo, longing glances, and little touches can be construed any way you want them to. But the intimacy of the shaving scene - well, it's just too much too soon. Don't they have nurses for that sort of thing? It just seems unfair that we patiently waited for seven plus years for these types of scenes between two people who had a baby together - and were for the most part denied. Yet only four episodes in, D&R are already sharing shaving and wieners. It's just wrong.

71. Factoid: Monica's new Georgetown address, 67 Bennett Avenue, is an homage to "Twilight Zone" creator Rod Serling - it was his home address in Binghamton, New York. The address was used by Serling himself in "They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar," his Emmy-nominated episode of "Night Gallery."

72. Factoid Redux: Monica's apartment number - 6 - was chosen because it was Patrick McGoohan's number in his allegorical 1967 television series, "The Prisoner."

73. It's getting mighty crowded in the surveillance van these days. So glad Scully could take time out of her busy parenting/teaching schedule to participate on a late-night stakeout.

74. TWC8: I have learned something very important - the less I see of Scully, the less I see of her awful hair, and that's a good thing.

75. Why establish twice that Lukesh's ability to cross between worlds was location specific (the alley outside his apartment) and then imply that he can do it anywhere (Reyes' apartment)?

76. The return of Psychic!Scully! Now we see her purpose on this stakeout. She's there to prod the Manly Men into action using her unbelievable powers of intuition! Otherwise, the A.D.'s would still be having their Pissing Contest in the van and Monica would be missing a tongue.

77. Wow! Follmer is quite the marksman. (Must have been all that Robin Hood training.)

78. Gish and Patrick do a very nice job with the final scene in the hospital. They both communicate quite a bit with their eyes - lots of emotion and sorrow, but above all - trust. Nicely done. (If you can see a big 'but' coming, you're right. Hang on, I'm gettin' to it.)

79. TWC9: Despite the poignancy of the last scene, what's that sound I hear in the distance? It's the voices of thousands of X-Files fans chanting in unison: PULL THE PLUG! PULL THE PLUG!

80. How come Monica gets to remember what happened? Mulder and Scully never got to remember what happened!

81. C'mon, Monica. Doggett's wiener is getting cold. (Hey, there's that wiener joke I couldn't find earlier!)

82. Nothing's wrong, she always gets emotional about pork products.

83. "In loving memory of Ricky Loyd Arreguin, January 24, 1985 - September 13, 2001" - Not sure what connection Ricky or his family had to the show, if any, but Ricky was a 16-year-old student who was gunned down on the street while walking home after classes at Kennedy High School in Granada Hills, California. He was walking with a group of students when someone jumped out of a passing car and asked the group what gang they were from. The students replied they were not in a gang, but the boy was shot anyway.

84. Hugs, tears, and Polish sausage; "4-D" is one of the better episodes of Season 9.

Unfortunately, that's like saying you have one of the better suites on the Titanic.

85. Now that that's over, I think I'll have a Clamato with Tobasco chaser, a potted meat sandwich, and watch my show. Seasons 1 through 7 on DVD. Where shall I start?

Finally, where does "4-D" rank on the Season 9 MOTW Mulder/Scully Scale? (In other words, how would I feel about this episode if it had been made using the old X-Files team instead of the new one?) Are you kidding? How I would have loved to see this episode built around Mulder and Scully! Of course, it would have been Mulder who came up with the parallel universe theory, using all that 'communication unspoken' to plead with Scully to believe him and take the step that would return "her Mulder" to his correct world. And, oh, can't you just imagine Scully struggling with that choice: Faith in Mulder and his theories vs. her spiritual faith vs. her faith in her science? Would she, could she, pull the plug? And just think of that final hospital scene (the previously mentioned big 'but')! I can just picture Scully deliberately locking the door, taking Mulder's hand, turning off the monitor alarm, turning off the ventilator, the love and trust in his eyes, the love and anguish in hers, the one-tear cheek roll, the ventilator stops, Mulder's breathing stops, our hearts stop, followed by uncontrollable sobbing (ours and Scully's). Oy, the angst! Fade to black. Scully's eyes open. She's in Mulder's apartment. They're sitting on his couch drinking beer, eating unbuttered popcorn, and watching "Caddyshack." She remembers how she almost lost him and they share a wiener.

It could happen.

And I don't know about anybody else, but I would pay money to see Scully shave Mulder. Scully would apply the foam and sharpen the razor as Mulder would say, "C'mon, Scully. Let's get something straight between us." In fact, I think that should be the premise of the next movie: "X-Files 2: When Scully Shaved Mulder." The story of a guy, a gal, and a razor, coming to a theater near you.

On the Mulder/Scully Scale of 1 to 10, "4-D" gets a 9.

Sorry for taking so long to finish this one and for putting those ideas of a Mulder/Scully scene that you'll never get to see into your heads. Go ahead and tell me: "You ruined everything, you bitch."

Well, what can I say? "That's what you get for hiring cheap help." Apologies as always,


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