Theatre of the Mind ~ Fight the Future

1. An FBI warning! What a good place to start!

2. Wow! 20th Century Fox in 3D!! That's entertainment!! (Oops, I think that's MGM.)

3. Don't you just get chills when you hear that creepy music? 4. Oil. Black gold. Texas tea.

5. Here come Mulder & Scully running through a blizzard! I can see their trenchcoats flapping in the breeze!

6. Well, maybe not. 35,000 BC? Before Carter?

7. Who knew Texas was so chilly at one time? Probably snows 400 inches a day there.

8. Me make Fire!! Fire good. Now me invent Morleys!

9. Who's that frozen in the ice?

10. Look out! It's a big alien lizard! What happened to all those sweet little gray aliens?

11. Watch out, cave man guy. It's playing alien possum!

12. Told you.

13. Wow, that black oil has been around for awhile, huh?

14. Yee-haw! We're in modern day Texas now. Hope you brought your cowboy boots.

15. Sometimes it's just fun to dig holes.

16. That black oil has not only been around awhile, it also has a good shelf life.

17. (I think that was the teaser. Right about now, we'd be seeing those famous badges.)

18. Wow! If only M&S had a ladder like that in "Detour."

19. I thought that fire chief was killed in "Our Town" after he tried to make Scully lose her head. I guess he was only stunned.

20. Unmarked helicopters . . . this looks like the big, bad government.

21. What about your men? I'd say your men are toast.

22. Come on and join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna get in our way, we're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, across the U.S.A. . . . convoy.

23. There's B.J.'s married boyfriend from "Aubrey." Guess he's joined the FBI now. Funny, I thought he was getting ready for the "Millennium."

24. A lone figure walking across the roof of the wrong building. Who could that be, do you suppose?

25. "Mulder, it's me." What a PERFECT first line!

26. Scully, how about a little cheese with all that whine?

27. Gee, a Scully rational explanation for bombs and terrorists right off the bat.

28. TWC1: Boom! That wasn't Mulder's line. That was the sound of me falling out of my seat in the theater the first time I saw this movie. Did somebody say sideburns?

29. "Jesus, Mulder." How prophetic was *that* statement?

30. Anything that cannot be programmed, categorized, or easily referenced. Sure. Fine. Whatever.

31. Do you think it's against the law to spit sunflower seeds off the top of a high rise in Dallas?

32. Say, I think that's the big flag that Colby had on "Survivor."

33. The X-Files are closed? I guess Janet Reno was more than a little pissed about that Gibson Praise thing, huh?

34. They're no longer Moose & Squirrel. Just call them Procedure & Protocol.

35. Free beer night at the Astrodome. I think he was *definitely* asking her for a date!!

36. Scully playing a practical joke. Isn't she the secret squirrel! She had you big time, Mulder.

37. TWC2: Panic face! Is it too soon for a Holy Flaming Cow!! (I'll wait a bit. And love those shots of the back of his head - oh that movie hair!!)

38. You shouldn't be so quick to pick up the tab, Mulder. You might be out of a job one day.

39. "Coke? Pepsi?" Scully, you want to make 7-Up Yours?

40. Say, I know that guy . . .

41. Mulder, don't you know the statistics of the number of people who are killed by having soda machines tipped over on top of them by impatient patrons?

42. Isn't it cute how his phone says "Scully"?

43. Here's another important question. How did he get the soda machine open?

44. Okay, now we know Mulder can count backwards, so there is *no* excuse for him not being able to figure out the paternity thing.

45. She knows he's not goofing on her! Protective!Scully is on the move! And she's bossy! "Don't think. Just pick up that phone and make it happen!"

46. Wow, when Scully says jump, everyone says "How high?"

47. If I were Mulder, I'd be checkin' my shorts for cake.

48. Panic Face Redux.

49. TWC3: Sweaty!Mulder. Oh, my!

50. I told you he was Mr. Protocol now.

51. Umm, I'm no demolitions expert or anything, but I'm not sure *staring* at the bomb is gonna diffuse it.

52. Bossy!Scully says get in the car, and you'd better do it, Mulder.

53. Bye, bye, SAC Michaud. Just a word of advice: You might want to rethink those career plans. "Harsh Realm" lasts about as long as the bomb countdown.

54. Do you think when Mulder pushed Scully's head down he was trying to protect her or just get back at her for telling him to get in the car?

55. It's Gwyneth Paltrow's mother!

56. I guess those annoying people who usually serve on the OPR weren't available for the movie.

57. You're late, Mulder, and don't try to feed us that old excuse about your waterbed springing a leak, blah, blah, blah. We're not buying it.

58. Although by the look that Skinner & Mulder exchanged, I could have sworn I saw, "Walt, why didn't you wake me?" in Mulder's eyes. (I guess that scene was saved for the XXX rated version of the movie, The SeX-Files.)

59. Mulder is sent to the time-out chair.

60. TWC4: Rolled up shirtsleeves, blue shirt, snacking on sunflower seeds - hoo boy!!

61. "If it looks bad, it's bad for the FBI." I thought that was just a Kersh thing.

62. Oh, they're covering each other's butts. How sweet! (She did order him out of the building. I heard her. But when does he ever obey orders?)

63. Holy Moley! Where did Scully get those heels and how does she walk in those things?

64. She's quitting? That's because once you've had X you can never go back.

65. But she still wants him to look his best.

66. TWC5: Drunken!Mulder havin' a poopy day. Right on, brother. Love the pointing.

67. Mulder's Henny Penny speech. Thanks for bringing us up to speed.

68. "One is the loneliest number." Hmm. I think that Mulder must have purchased a Three Dog Night album after a certain special agent sang him a special song on a special trip to the forest.

69. Was that great acting to accurately portray a drunken man getting up after a long while at the bar, or was Mulder just giving us a good shot of his fine derriere? YMMV.

70. What was wrong with the goofy woman in the women's rest room? You have the chance for Fox Mulder to walk in and you blow it!!

71. Mulder's always had the urge to pee on Jeff Goldblum and he just figured the time was right. (He is just peeing, isn't he? I'm a little concerned by that look on his face.)

72. When I finally heard someone talk about holding Mulder's "yank" on this show, this wasn't the scenario I had in mind. And it certainly wasn't with Martin Landau.

73. Do you think that standing around peeing in alleys will replace the "X" on the window as the en vogue way to summon informants from now on? (I hope so.)

74. A "fellow traveler" with Mulder's Dad? Maybe he was the other guy in the car in "Travelers."

75. I don't know about you, but I'd be real uncomfortable with an OBGYN who lurked about in alleyways.

76. The victims were already dead. It's like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit, isn't it?

77. "That's what I'm saying." Now I feel like *I'm* in an episode of "Mad About You."

78. Mulder's so happy he gets to finally finish that "shi..." word. That's the second time he's said it.

79. Arlington? Is Mulder so plastered that he forgot he lives in Alexandria, or was he going somewhere else?

80. Scully can't sleep cause she's wishing somebody would stop by with a pizza. (She loves those silk jammies, doesn't she?)

81. If only he'd told her to get *undressed* instead of *dressed,* we would be in a whole different place today.

82. Wow, CSM sure knows how to make an entrance.

83. Where exactly are they pumping that black oil to/from?

84. Eww. A new spin on pod people.

85. TWC6: Listen, son, the man looks awesome telling those little white lies.

86. After the "Schizogeny" do-over, Mulder finally gets to use the work "dick" in a sentence.

87. Oooh, that looks just like my little Autopsy Guy Action Figure!

88. Scully, remember what happened the *last* time you didn't want to do an autopsy and remember whose one in five billion you are.

89. Here we go! They're snapping on the latex! Oh, darn, not what you think.

90. TWC7: I'd like to conduct my own little pelvic exam!

91. More dark-alley-action: just meeting, no peeing.

92. I had no idea that FEMA was so powerful. I wonder if they know that?

93. Negotiating with whom? "I think you know." Oh, no, not that again!

94. That settles it. I'm not leaving home on *any* holiday from now on!

95. Some people think that Scully is such an ice queen that the temperature in the refrigerator actually went up while she was hiding in there. Not me, of course.

96. That FBI guy was a cop in "Orison." Oh, we're not there yet. I forgot.

97. TWC8: I'd just like to look at *this* person for awhile, if you don't mind.

98. Notice how all Scully has to do is look at him and he knows what she's found. Communication. Unspoken.

99. Uh-oh. I think it's the alien's birth-day. And me without a card.

100. I'm not exactly sure that's the point at which I would have removed my Hazmat suit, would you?

101. I wish I could grow my nails back like that when I break one. How convenient.

102. You go down. No you go. I'm not gonna go down there. Let's get Mikey! He'll go anywhere!

103. Get attacked by an alien being and you find out who your real friends are.

104. I say! There's nothing like a rousing game of tag to get your blood pumping! What a clumsy little chap!

105. I thought the boys only had offices in New York. But it looks like their offices are the same in every locale. Just like Wal-Mart.

106. Strughold? Like the mine in West Virginia? I'll take door number one, Monty.

107. Shame on those aliens for not sticking to their part of the colonization bargain. The Consortium obviously forgot that you "Trust No One."

108. My God! Have you noticed that WMM always starts his sentences with, "My God!"?

109. Yeah, they still need us, all right. As incubators! I'll skip that par-tay if you don't mind.

110. "Kill Mulder, and we take the risk of turning one man's quest into a crusade." Thanks for reminding us *again* why we just can't kill Mulder, yada, yada, yada.

111. Something that he holds most valuable . . . that with which he can't live without. What could that be? His videos? Naw. I think you know.

112. TWC9: Who wants to talk about viruses when we can talk about how fine he looks against that Texas sky!!

113. Yeah, that playground is *very* inconspicuous.

114. Door-to-door salesmen? If a door-to-door salesman that looked like *that* showed up at my door, I would buy at least two of every door he had!

115. They went that-a-way!

116. 100 miles of nothing in *every* direction, I'd say.

117. TWC10: Left. Right. Decisions, decisions. Woo-hoo!!

118. The mark of a great partnership: he says go left, she says go right, instead they meet in the middle and just go straight ahead to find the answers.

119. Never wrong while driving? Well, there's always a first time for everything.

120. Maybe not wrong while driving but map folding is another story.

121. Scully's rant is sort of a scaled-down version of her "cream cheese bagel" rant from "Bad Blood."

122. What are the odds that you'll be standing there arguing and an unmarked tanker truck train will just happen by.

123. HotRod!Mulder! That's his "driving fast face."

124. If you build it, they will come. Is this Iowa? No, I think actually, this might be hell.

125. Giant Jiffy Pop Poppers? Or Anna Nicole Smith's brassiere? You be the judge.

126. TWC11: Love that wind-blown, tie over-the-shoulder look!!

127. Indian Guide say *may-bee* we should get the hell out of here.

128. It's the return of the blue-light special at K-Mart!! (No, just some old helicopters!)

129. This cornfield is a real *maize.*

130. All that panting and heavy breathing and calling out each other's names. All wasted on a cornfield run! Dern it!

131. Gwyneth's mom is really P.O.'d. Probably like when Brad Pitt would bring Gwyneth home late from a date.

132. Now Walter & Data are exchanging looks. "Why didn't you wake me, Walter?"

133. TWC12: : GA looks so skinny in that black outfit!! Mulder looks sooo hot in that black outfit!! And did you see that butt slide into that booth? Woo-hoo!! (But how come Mulder had time to run home and change but Scully didn't?)

134. Oooh, Scully, there's a bee on you!! Somebody swat it!! Plllleeeease!!

135. So the bees are gonna carry the virus! I'm *really* not leaving my home on any holidays!

136. Hey, the men's room is fixed!

137. Who would have ever thought that Mulder would have a family album in his possession?

138. Hey! Photos of the Consortium Family Picnic, c. 1966.

139. TWC13: Oh, that black tee shirt. Oh, those arms. Oh that hair. Oh. My. Gawd.

140. She's quitting the FBI? She has. She did. It's done.

141. Scully, how can you leave him? He *does* need you! Don't you know what you mean to him? (Hold up a minute, cause he's going to tell you!)

142. MSRM: Which scene is it? I think you know.

143. Scully does make him a whole person; he does the same for her, whether she knows it or not. I think Mulder's feelings have been clear for a long time, but perhaps he finally had to say them out loud to get through to Stonewall!Scully. "I owe you everything, Scully. And you owe me nothing." He no longer wants to do it alone a *big* step for him. He doesn't even know if he can an even *bigger* step for him. And if he quits now, they win.

144. TWC14: Holy Flaming Cow! He looks good throughout the WHOLE movie, but I just love the shot of them, forehead to forehead. I just love LittleBoy!Mulder, and this is it for me.

145. GA: Queen of the Single Tear Cheek Roll!


147. Since this is the movie and not TV, can I say . . . that goddamned f***king bee. Sorry. I forgot it was still PG-13.

148. Even though there was stinger interruptus, I'm glad of one thing: When Mulder started to apologize because he thought Scully was mad that he tried to kiss her, she said, "no, no." And that something stung her. That means don't let a little bee come bee-tween you, Mulder. Try it again sometime!

149. Okay, show of hands: How many people wore out their FTF tapes watching this scene over and over and over again?

150. Okay, show of hands: How many people went out and bought a DVD player so they *could* watch this scene over and over and over again?

151. Only Dr. Scully could breathlessly diagnose her symptoms while sinking dramatically to the floor (at least it was in Mulder's arms!!).

152. It sure took that ambulance long enough to get there. It was daylight when Mulder was looking at the photo album, and now it's dark outside. No wonder it's important to get her in the van NOW!

153. Say, didn't I see you in Dallas having a soda? Oh, oh!

154. Well, as we all know, the safest place Mulder can be shot is in that hard head of his.

155. Did Scully in her cryogenic chamber remind anyone else of Snow White?

156. Ewww! Scully is in the clutches of CSM! Will she get frequent flier miles for this trip?

157. The Lone Gunmen! At last, the gang's all here!

158. The boys have been busy. They have deduced what happened while Mulder was unconscious and fill him in so that he doesn't have to waste precious time figuring that out.

159. Walt wants to keep Mulder in bed and go find Scully himself. Hmmm.

160. Why are we stripping only Byers? Where's that nekkid Mulder!Butt that CC promised me? Where's the writer? I want to speak to the writer!

161. My God! Dr. Kurtzweil. Getting out of this will be, I believe, an impossible mission.

162. TWC15: The boy enters a room and everything stops!

163. Mulder, didn't your mommy ever tell you not to get into cars with strangers? Well, I guess this might be your Uncle WMM and he says he has info about Scully.

164. It's very handy that WMM can now take over for Deep Throat and Explain It All. The black oil. The virus. The vaccine. Alien astronauts. Oiliens waiting to be reconstituted (just add water!). The role of the Consortium. The role of Bill Mulder. Why Samantha was taken to become a human/alien clone. Why Mulder was chosen to Fight the Future. That's a lot of info for one limo ride.

165. I thought the last time we saw WMM, *Krycek* was his chauffeur. There's never a Ratboy around when you need one.

166. Trust no one, Mr. Mulder. Words to live by.

167. TWC16: Even with a gun in his face and splattered with blood, wow does he look good.

168. There was a Ratboy cameo after all! Wasn't that him running across the street in front of Mulder?

169. Since WMM said his life would be over, I'm assuming he detonated that little bomb himself. (Good thing Mulder didn't slam the door any harder!) I gotta say, I didn't see the WMM blow-up coming at all.

170. That would have been a funny ending, huh? Whoops, I fell on tthe vaccine and broke the bottle. Me bad!

171. Those who need further confirmation of the relationship between M&S don't need to look any further. If your man would go to the ends of the earth for you, I think that just about says it all.

172. TWC17: It takes a manly man to drive a snow cat. A manly man with 5 o'clock shadow!

173. Never a filing station around when you need one. I'm sure Mulder rented that at Lariat Snow Cat. You'd think they would have topped off the tank.

174. Whoops! Yes, you do stand out like a sore thumb, Mulder.

175. Mulder, didn't your mother ever tell you the importance of wearing a hat in cold weather so all your warmth can't escape through your head? (Your mother didn't tell you much of anything, did she?)

176. That great expanse of landscape, and he steps in a hole. Go figure!

177. Ouch. Quick, find Scully so she can kiss it and make it all better!!

178. Holes. Lots and lots of holes.

179. TWC18: Footwear!!

180. One would think this job would have called for the Big Ass Flashlights, wouldn't one?

181. Did CSM know Mulder was coming and was out looking for him, or was he just on a Snow Cat cigarette break?

182. I guess Psychic!Mulder knows that the giant carrying case is important but I don't know how he knows that.

183. TWC19: More footwear!! Watch your step, hon.

184. Shi . . . oh, forget it, I heard that one very clearly. ShiTTTTT.

185. Well, you knew he had to drop something in the movie. Very spectacularly too, I might add.

186. Mulder comes upon the Agent Scully Carrying Case and finds . . . a zipper!

187. Pod people. Lots and lots of pod people.

188. Okay, I know it's only a two hour movie, but there were thousands of pods there. And Mulder finds Scully that quickly?

189. Gosh, they're preparing like the third battalion is at the door. It's just Mulder.

190. Do you think Scully was just a bit nervous that Mulder was bashing around her head like that with an oxygen tank? I hope not.

191. A man in love will not be deterred by a little ice and a slimy thing winding down your throat.

192. Man, that is some fast acting vaccine. I wish I could get some Nyquil that worked like that.

193. And powerful too. That one little shot can bring down the whole operation? Wow! I'd say Scully is virus-proof for life and then some!

194. Squeamish!Muler gets to pull out the alien umbilical cord. Eww!

195. Now he's bashing the ice around her boobs with an oxygen tank. Well, I guess in the whole scheme of things, it's really not something to worry about.

196. *Our* Mulder will never make it? Ha! You don't know our Mulder!

197. In all fairness, Scully's seen him nekkid quite a few times, so turnabout is fair play!

198. Why did everyone wonder where he got the clothes for Scully when it's so obvious? He took off his outer layers to dress her in. (Maybe his mom did tell him about dressing in layers.)

199. Oh, oh. There is some major melting going on here.

200. These guys give the term "abandon ship" a whole new meaning.

201. This is no time to be vain. Shelve that manly man damsel in distress carry and go for the fireman's over-the-shoulder carry. Time is of the essence!!

202. I know he likes Scully and everything, but you know he secretly wanted her to wake up so he could say, "Scully, *look* at these thingsl Just *look*!!! These are aliens!"

203. Well, their lips met and he's touching her breast. I guess with CC, it's about the best we can hope for.

204. Didn't Mulder just move that hair plastered on her face?

205. What a woman! Barely alive, surrounded by melting aliens and she still makes time for sweet bantering. My Scully I think I'll keep her.

206. Come on, Scully. Get those little legs, and your little ass, moving!

207. TWC20: (In my best Ripley voice): All right, you bitch. Let go of that footwear!

208. I never thought he'd get out of those holes without a ladder, did you?

209. Whew! They're safely back on the surface again! Oops, I think it's time for another, "Oh, shi..."

210. Um, guys, there's a big hole right behind you.

211. Gee, that looks like a spaceship. Well, it was never actually proven that it was a spaceship. It wasn't? No, what happened was they fell off something. Something that rose out of the ice. And what do you think that was? Well, I don't know what it was. It could have been a spaceship, but we don't know it was a spaceship. They were looking right at it, but it's not like they'll have a picture of it or anything. See, Scully was unconscious, and then she woke up and there was no spaceship. But apparently she's still unconscious. Cause no matter how cold Mulder was, he saw a spaceship.

212. TWC21: Love that look of awe as the "spaceship" passes overhead.

213. The "spaceship" might have gotten away with Scully's black FBI-issue suit, but at least Mulder saved her zipper!

214. And of course, you know I'll never be able to watch FTF again without thinking of this scene in this way: "Mulder. No, no, no. Then you were frozen, and I remember. I hugged you until you were not frozen anymore."

215. As Scully tells her implausible and incredible tale, the evidence is slowly disappearing. They're cleaning up. Taking away everything.

216. Not everything. (You damn little bee, you.)

217. TWC22: Hoo-boy! Not "their" bench, but it'll do.

218. Well, she didn't say he made her a whole person, but she said some nice things too. And she held his hand. Aww. It was only missing one thing: you should have finished that kiss.

219. I never realized Tunisia was the corn capital of the world.

220. Mulder has *still* only seen pieces of the whole? Seems to me the Mighty Morphin' Alien Bounty Hunter told him the same thing. When is he gonna see the whole picture?

221. CSM only mentions that Mulder is reinvested. But he's forgetting that Scully is reinvested as well. She's ready to fight, to use her goddamned strict rationalism and science to find a cure for the virus and to save millions of others.

222. One man alone cannot fight the future. How about one man, the gal who made him a whole person, and their bouncing naturally-made baby? I'd say the future has met its match.

223. X-Fils re-opened. Stop. Please advise. Stop. I think that's a good thing. Don't stop.

224. Don't you think it should have said "To be continued" at the end?

225. If you hang in there through the credits, the Foo Fighters will say it best: I cannot live without you, matter of fact. I'm on your back. If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you.

226. Many, many TV series have gone on to be made into feature films, but the X-Files was the first TV show to be made into a feature film while the TV show was still on the air. "Fight the Future" was the bridge between seasons five and six, yet it was filmed between seasons four and five (and we think 1013 can't do continuity!).

227. As I recall, I saw "Fight the Future" three times in the theater on the big screen. (You want to talk nice packages? I'll give you three guesses what I was watching for by the third time I saw it.) And of course I've seen it 100 times since then. And even though I've seen it all those times, I would definitely have to give this film a big thumbs down. The small screen stories and production values just don't translate to the big screen. The chemistry Mulder & Scully are able to generate week after week over the airwaves just doesn't come across in a movie setting. Whatever made 1013 think that people would be willing to plunk down their hard earned money to see these two run through cornfields, chase tanker trucks, blow up buildings and cars, escape from gestating aliens, and make goo-goo eyes at each other is beyond me. All in all, it was just one big conspiratorial and mythological mess!

228. Is that your panic face I see? I had you bigtime.

Many people are of the opinion that the X-Files should have ended with the movie; that that's the point where the show "jumped the shark" and began to go downhill. But even though I said that season five was my favorite, the more I think about, the more I'm reminded that I really liked seasons six and seven too. A lot. I'm sure many people are also of the opinion that the TOTMs should end with this analysis. That from this point on, the TOTMs will jump the shark and begin to go downhill. So maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead and forget about giving the TOTM treatment to those episodes yet to come.

Naw. If I quit now, they win.
All my apologies. I think this TOTM is longer than the movie.