Title: The Osculation Initiation
Author: phantagraeRating: R
Pairing: Sheldon & Amy (Shamy!)
Disclaimer: The characters and universe of this story do not belong to me. I just like to play with them.
Feedback: Yes, please. phantagrae@earthlink.netSummary: To quote The Beatles, "I never realized what a kiss could be. This could only happen to me..." What might have happened after that kiss on the train. Giant Love Tingles to my fantastic and speedy beta, Foxphile. Many thanks, Heidi!
Sheldon's lips crashed into Amy's as he bent forward to prove his point.
But her lips were soft and warm and the longer he pressed into her beguiling mouth, the less he cared about proving anything. The sarcasm with which he'd begun flew out of his head as an unexpected tingling began in his own lips.
Though she had ambushed him with kisses before, they had been so quick and unexpected that he had never had time to truly register the sensations. He hadn't imagined it would feel like this and he suddenly wanted more. He stepped forward, pressing his lips more deeply into hers, finally putting his hands on her hips to steady himself.
As he persisted, she responded in kind, arousing something new in him. His heart began to pound and a shiver ran down his spine as he continued. He tasted sweet chocolate and wine on her lips, her dress was soft under his hands, her hips solid and anchoring and somehow both strange and familiar. He had never touched her so boldly, but this was another sensation that seemed right.
When he finally broke the kiss, stopping only because he needed to catch his breath, he remained standing close to Amy, not quite able to move. He could feel heat in the tight space between their bodies. He didn't know what to do or say. What is one supposed to say to one's girlfriend after a kiss?
At last he took a small step back, taking a moment to swallow and compose himself, finally letting his hands slip away from her hips. He could feel heat rising on his cheeks, burning up to the tips of his ears. He'd never done anything like this before.
"That was nice," she breathed into the wonderful tension between them.
"Good," was all he could manage to say, still stunned from the sensation. He stole glances at her eyes, not quite able to meet her gaze. He wasn't sure what to do next, but he knew he didn't want this moment to end.
At last he found his voice.
"Um, the conductor said, if I come back to the engine room, he'd show me how to bring the train through a crossing."
"Okay," she replied quietly, "have fun."
A small wave of disappointment washed through him as he realized she was giving him permission to leave, that she hadn't understood his implied invitation.
"Do you want to come with me?" he asked.
"Really? I do," she responded with hushed excitement, a tentative, nervous smile playing across her lips.
Her lips.
He nodded minutely and led her back toward the engine room.
Later that evening, as the two couples walked into the quaint lodge where they would be staying, Sheldon watched Howard and Bernadette holding hands and brushing shoulders. He looked around at the other couples in the lobby who were there to spend Valentine's Day together. Everyone seemed to be touching - hugging, holding hands, kissing.
He looked down at the space between himself and Amy and stared at her hand for a minute. Although he hadn't wanted to think of this trip as a romantic getaway, he was feeling a little differently now. He still wasn't sure what constituted romance, apart from the clichés, but at this point he knew what she had wanted because he was beginning to want it too - to be together.
He took a quick, sharp breath and reached out for Amy's hand. He felt her hand jerk a little at his touch and he almost let go, but then her fingers curled around his hand and he clasped her hand more firmly.
He held her hand as they waited for their turn at the front desk. Before today he had gone along with her insistence on holding hands at the movies, but not without objecting every time she held her hand out toward him. However, tonight he found nothing to which he could object. Her hand was warm, soft, dry, and his hand felt comfortable in hers.
When he had to let go in order to sign in, he suddenly missed the connection to her, as if the temperature in the room had abruptly dropped. He was quickly distracted with the process of producing his identification, signing the register. As he stood aside to allow Amy to sign in, he felt as if he had been under a spell which had now dissipated and he couldn't bring himself to take her hand again.
They climbed the stairs with Howard and Bernadette and started down the hallway.
"Um, Amy," Sheldon began, as they reached their rooms, "Shall I knock on your door later so we can go downstairs to meet the conductor when he comes to play his banjo for us?"
Amy's eyes were dreamy as she turned to him and nodded. "Sure." She smiled widely at him.
Her smitten response sent a shiver washing through his body.
She entered her room and he stared at her closed door for a whole minute before turning to his own room.
Sheldon took a quick shower and changed into more comfortable clothes, forgoing the dinner jacket for his more casual windbreaker. Though he no longer felt as confused as he had earlier, he still found his heart beating a little faster at the thought of hanging out with Amy for a little while longer.
She also seemed to be more herself when he knocked on her door and they went downstairs.
The evening was a little cool, so they sat in one of the smaller parlors near a small fireplace while the engineer regaled them with his enthusiastic banjo-playing. Sheldon felt compelled to keep looking over at Amy to see if she was enjoying the music as much as he was. She was smiling the whole time, so he assumed she was enjoying it.
At last the engineer finished his playing, to which Sheldon expressed his enthusiastic thanks. By the time the engineer had bid them goodnight, it was late and most of the other guests had long since retired to their rooms.
Sheldon and Amy climbed the stairs, talking easily about the skills of the banjo-playing engineer and how well he played for only having nine fingers.
When they finally reached their rooms, Sheldon suddenly ran out of words and they stood silently together in the hallway.
"I guess it's time we turned in," Amy began.
Sheldon nodded, his lips rolled in between his teeth as he weighed his options. At last he found his voice.
"Amy," he stammered, shuffling from foot to foot.
"Yes?"
She looked up at him, expectantly, which only made him more nervous.
"Um...do you...um...do you want to kiss goodnight?" he finally asked, blushing furiously.
"Yes, Sheldon," she replied, smiling with bashful joy, already turning her face up toward his.
He stepped forward slowly and again took her hips in his hands, bending to kiss her as his eyes fluttered shut. Their lips found each other and he pressed into her soft warmth, again tasting her lips and her breath, memorizing the sensations and the emotion, which were again so startling to him.
He wished that their evening together didn't have to end, that this moment, at least, didn't have to end.
At last, she broke the kiss, placing a warm hand on his chest as he reluctantly raised his head.
"I think we should stop, Sheldon," she breathed, glancing up at him only briefly before lowering her gaze again. "It's late and we need to say goodnight."
He swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes, I suppose you're right." He licked the taste of her from his lips as he released her hips and stepped back.
"Goodnight, Sheldon."
"Goodnight, Amy," he replied quietly.
She gave him a quick hug before she ducked into her room, leaving him to blink after her in sweet surprise.
He walked to his own door in a daze.
Sheldon lay in his bed, unable to sleep. He was surprised at his own behavior, kissing her the way he had. Even now as he remembered the sensations, he felt his face flushing and warmth spreading through his body.
Until now he had never really wanted to kiss anyone, other than the childish kisses he'd shared with his mother and Meemaw, and he had never kissed anyone on the lips, if you didn't count the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation he'd given that nun years ago.
He'd always considered kissing to be an unsanitary, sloppy, embarrassing activity, second only to coitus in its ridiculous physical interaction. But tonight he had found that it wasn't that bad after all.
While he'd been kissing Amy, he hadn't once thought about germs. In fact, he'd barely thought at all, which was new to him. And afterward, he could still taste her lips on his own. He had been sad to lose the taste when he'd brushed his teeth before bed.
When he'd led Amy back to the train's engine room, he'd felt giddy, as if he were somehow floating above the floor, which he knew to be physically impossible and ridiculously fanciful. And yet, the sensation had remained, even with his new friend Eric tagging along.
He wasn't sure if Amy had enjoyed the engine room as much as he had, but she had seemed truly happy to be there with him - and he had been happier with her there than he had been when he'd been there earlier. He had tried to share his train enthusiasm with Amy all evening, and had been a bit surprised that she hadn't found it as exciting as he had. But when she came with him after the kiss, he found that he cared less about the engine room than he did about the fact that she had come along.
He'd had more physical interaction with her tonight than he had the entire time he'd known her, it seemed. Before he had asked her to be his girlfriend, they'd shared the occasional encounter, always initiated by her. And since they'd become a couple, he'd still tried to limit any physical interaction to tightly proscribed parameters, though he had to admit she'd begun to push those boundaries from almost the moment he had put them in place.
He'd given in on the handholding at the movies and the occasional hug, but not without some reluctance. Though his relationship with her was, for him, intellectually and emotionally intimate, the physical aspect still made him uncomfortable. Or it had until tonight.
Why did he suddenly want to kiss her again? Right now. Why did he enjoy holding her hand tonight when he had fought the urge to hug her just a few days before? Why did he find it so exciting to put his hands on her hips while they kissed?
What was happening to him? Was he going to end up like his horndog friends? Jumping into bed with Amy and making loud undignified noises that others might hear?
He didn't want to contemplate the possibilities at this point. It was distracting on too many levels. The idea of kissing escalating into something more made his mind start churning. He had enjoyed it, but he suddenly felt the urge to rein in the recklessness he felt looming in his body.
He suddenly got up from his bed and pulled his laptop from his suitcase. Sitting at the small table in his room, he pulled up one of his favorite documents - the Relationship Agreement.
Under the section governing physical interactions, he created a new addendum which he labeled "Kissing".
He sat and stared at the blank document for several minutes. What amount of kissing could he safely allow and under what circumstances? He had found the act a little too exciting, now that he thought about it. Now that he was alone he could think about it more rationally.
Now that she wasn't standing in front of him, now that he couldn't look directly at her lips.
He shook himself and took a deep breath. First of all, what was it that he didn't want? That was probably easier.
He made a list:
*Sloppy, germy, open-mouthed kisses. That was obvious.
*The insertion of tongues into each other's mouths. Again, obvious.
*Groping of each other's bodies. He'd gone pretty far in putting his hands on Amy's hips. That was far enough.
*Prolonged kissing on the couch. No. He'd accidentally walked in on Leonard and Penny in the living room and it was unpleasant for all of them. He didn't want to be caught in the same manner.
*Noises while kissing. Self-explanatory.
*Kissing at the movies. What's the point of going to the movies if you're not going to watch the movie?So, what did that leave him? What were the circumstances he found acceptable?
He made a list:
*A goodnight kiss at the end of Date Night. He'd kissed Amy goodnight tonight and it had seemed appropriate.
*A congratulatory kiss upon winning a Nobel Prize. Obviously.
*A goodbye kiss upon embarking on a prolonged journey. A social convention that didn't seem unreasonable.What he'd done tonight, while wonderful and enjoyable, was probably a bit too self-indulgent. He'd kissed Amy twice in the space of only a few hours. That sort of behavior was a slippery slope and he was too unsure of where it could lead.
No, he needed boundaries, rules, parameters, self-control in all aspects of his life, but especially when it came to Amy. He wanted to be able to kiss her, but he wanted to be able to control himself. Even now, imagining kissing Amy in various scenarios was making it hard to think clearly. His body was beginning to interfere.
He hit "Save" on the document and rose from the table.
Though he'd already had a shower tonight, he went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet again, stripping out of his pajamas.
He stood under the spray and quickly soaped up the part of his body that was even now ready to go. He didn't do this sort of thing often, but he knew that if he just got it over with, he'd be better able to think and finally be able to sleep.
He touched himself, driving his body toward the point of release, unable to keep at bay the feeling of her lips, the image of her mouth, her shining hair, her upturned face, her body. The warmth he'd felt spreading through him as he'd kissed her was only a shade of the heat now coursing through him. He fought the urge to moan as he got closer to the edge, one part of his brain still cognizant of the people in the next room. At last the climax came and he crammed his free hand into his mouth to mask his animalistic sounds of release.
He stood panting under the hot water for a moment before finally cleaning himself up. He understood the physiological process he had just indulged in, and he understood something of the general causes, but he still felt that it was a betrayal of his body against his intellect, no matter how pleasurable the momentary sensation might be. Of course, tonight he was much more aware of the specific cause and he found it a little embarrassing. He knew that it was considered normal to be aroused by one's romantic partner, but he still found the loss of control a bit distressing. He also didn't like to think about facing her in the daylight with the memory of what he'd just done sitting in the back of his mind.
Fortunately, after he had dried himself off and redressed in his pajamas, he was able to return to his laptop with a clearer head to finish polishing the new addendum. He had to be calm and level headed in putting this in place or who knows what he'd end up doing.
In the morning, Sheldon was eager to find a moment alone with Amy so he could discuss the changes he had made, but had to wait until Howard and Bernadette went to bring the car around front.
"Amy," he began quickly. "We only have a few minutes before Howard and Bernadette will be expecting us to be out front to load up in the car and I wanted to discuss something important with you."
She sat back in her chair, a hint of trepidation crossing her face.
"I had a lot to think about last night, Amy," he began. 'I think we need to address what happened on the train and afterward."
He saw the color rise in her face as a smile played across her mouth. He tore his gaze from her mouth and cleared his throat as he set his iPad on the table.
"What's that for?" she asked.
"I made an addendum to the Relationship Agreement and I'd like you to look it over," he intoned, keeping his voice as cool as possible. It wasn't easy with her sitting so close to him, where he could study her face as she studied him.
She frowned at him for a moment, but went ahead and read through the short document he'd pulled up on the tablet.
Her frown eased as she read and she was smiling by the time she finished it and pushed the tablet back across the table.
"What do you think?" he asked her. "Do you agree to the terms of the addendum?"
"With two additions," she said simply.
"Oh?" Sheldon replied. It was his turn to frown, his eyebrows crunching down as he looked for any flaws in his short document. "I've covered Date Night, congratulatory moments and prolonged farewells. What else is there?"
"How about holidays?" Amy responded.
"Who kisses on Easter? Or Memorial Day?" he asked, his quizzical frown deepening.
Amy sighed. "I'm talking about days like this - Valentine's Day - but also about Christmas and New Years. Kissing under the mistletoe, kissing at midnight. Those are valid moments for kissing."
"Oh," Sheldon's frown dissipating. "Very well. Give me a moment."
He quickly edited the document to include the occasions she had mentioned, then turned it back toward her.
"How's that?"
"Birthdays and anniversaries," she said simply. "Those are occasions when I think a kiss would be appropriate."
"Well..." he considered. "I'm not sure about birthdays. I mean, isn't it enough to get presents and cake? Why would you want a kiss on top of all that?"
"Sheldon..." she sighed.
"Oh, okay," he relented. "I do agree that anniversaries are valid occasions as well."
He bent over his tablet once again and then slid it back to her.
She looked it over quickly and nodded.
"It looks fine," she said, using her finger to sign on the line provided at the bottom of the page. "I do reserve the right to petition for further revisions as the need may arise," she added as she returned the tablet to him.
"That seems reasonable," he replied, countersigning and saving the document.
They heard the light beep of a car horn.
"That sounds like Howard and Bernadette," Amy said simply, rising from her chair.
"Yes," Sheldon replied, gathering his things as he rose, feeling that everything was once again under control.
"It's going to be a long ride back to Pasadena," she observed, her tone seeming to hint at something.
Sheldon thought for a moment.
"Oh, yes, that's good," he said. "I promised Eric I'd email him and tell him all about the engineer's nine-fingered banjo playing."