Blue River Valley (1/?)
by Andrea

Rating: R to NC-17

Category: Post IWTB, Story, Scully POV

Disclaimer: This story is an homage, no infringement is 
intended.

Spoilers: Probably

Notes: Thanks to Dan and Karen for beta reading. Thanks to 
Charmaine for unwavering honesty and Tanya for her support

Feedback: Yes, please

ardywyn1@gmail.com

*****************

Mulder was true to his word.

When Christian's treatments were complete and he started to 
show improvement, Mulder booked a two week vacation for 
us on a private island. You might think after being isolated for 
six years, he'd preferred to be around people, but not Mulder. 
With a few exceptions, he'd never actively sought people out; 
not in the fifteen years I'd known him. I'd never really 
considered myself much of a people person, but compared to 
Mulder, I'm a veritable social butterfly.

Our vacation was extremely peaceful. We did what we 
wanted, when we wanted. Looking back, we probably made 
love more often in those two weeks than we had in the last 
few months. I hadn't been that relaxed since, well, maybe the 
onset of puberty.

After our trip, it hit me on my first day back to work. It was like 
a weight settled back onto my shoulders and a veil covered my 
eyes. Everything seemed heavy, dull and grey in spite of our 
restful vacation and the fact that spring had arrived before we 
left.

Mulder saw it the moment I walked into his office that 
evening.

"What happened? Is Christian okay?" His brow wrinkled and 
he pressed his lips together. My mood had become his. 

"Christian's fine; he's at home again. It's not that." I looked at 
Mulder's desk as I tried to sort out my feelings. He had a 
newspaper open in front him. An article was partially cut out. 
The scissors lay abandoned on top.

"Then what? Is Father Ybarra being a dick again?"

"No, well, he's his same old self, but it's not him. It's nothing in 
particular and everything in general," I said with a sigh.

"It must be something. You were so happy and relaxed when 
we were away.  Then you go back to work for one day and you 
look world-weary again. If it's not Father Ybarra, then what is 
it? Obviously something at the hospital is doing this to you."

He watched as I pulled out the chair that was in front of his 
desk and sat down.

After taking a long breath, I began, "I've been thinking about 
this for a long time and I've never told anyone, but ever since 
my father passed away, I've felt guilty about my career path."

Mulder nodded, seemingly unsurprised by my confession.

"Not that I didn't love my work with the FBI. I did, for the most 
part," I continued. "But I felt like I'd let my dad down by joining 
the Bureau instead of practicing medicine."

"That's why you re-certified. I knew that without being told, 
Scully." 

Waiting for me to continue, he leaned back in his chair, put his 
feet on the desk and rested his hands in his lap. With me 
sitting in front of the desk and all the crap he had tacked to the 
wall behind him, it seemed just like the old days. It was oddly 
comforting. 

"It's not what I imagined, Mulder, when I thought about being 
a doctor. I push more paper at the hospital than I did when we 
worked for the government."

"Not seeing as many patients as you'd like?"

"I don't even know if it's that. It's all the bureaucracy required 
to treat someone. It's overwhelming. I understand the concept 
of managed care, but it seems to be getting more micro-
managed with each passing day." I paused, hesitant to finish 
my thought.  "This may sound vain, but I can't stand it when 
some insurance company number cruncher second guesses my 
medical decisions."

Mulder laughed. I've always loved his laugh. It made me feel 
better in spite of everything. 

"That's not vanity, Scully, it's sanity. How can you put a dollar 
value on someone's life?"

"It's easy for an HMO analyst to understand that there has to 
be a limit on how much you should spend on a patient 
weighed against their chance of survival when they're just a 
name on a piece of paper. But when you know that patient 
and deal with their family on a daily basis, how do you tell 
them 'Sorry, we've decided not to spend any more money on 
you'?"

"I don't think many people, other than HMOs, would argue 
with you," Mulder said empathetically.

"And here's the irony, my father would hate the way HMOs 
are being run. He was a black and white kind of man. There 
were no gray areas in his world. If someone is sick, you throw 
everything you've got at them," I said with a shrug. Then I 
mimicked one of my dad's favorite sayings in a gruff voice, 
"That's all there is to it!"

"What do you think he would say about how you're feeling?" 
Mulder asked as he interlaced his fingers behind his head.

"Don't pull any of that psychologist shit on me, Mulder," I 
said with a wry smile.

"Hey, that's my life's work you're calling shit," he said in mock 
consternation. "Seriously, Scully, I want to know what you 
think he'd have to say about all of this."

I tried to imagine having this conversation with Ahab. "Well, 
he didn't think much of whining and he might be inclined to 
tell me to suck it up and do my job. And he also wouldn't 
want me to just roll over. But, unfortunately, as much as I 
would like to, I can't change the system."

"So fix what you can," Mulder suggested placidly.

I couldn't figure out what he might be getting at. "What could 
I possibly solve?" 

"Let's start with an easier question. Do you still want to be a 
doctor?"

"Definitely," I said vehemently.

"Okay. You said what you're doing now isn't what you 
imagined when you decided to become a doctor. So what did 
you think it would be like?"

I shrugged and looked away, not wanting to admit my child-
like vision.

"C'mon, Scully. Work with me here," he pleaded.

"Fine," I said with a sigh. "I thought it would be more like 
Norman Rockwell."

"I don't follow," he said, shaking his head slightly.

"I'd have an office with a big desk and all of my diplomas on 
the wall. There'd be a big waiting room and someone would 
always be waiting to see me. I'd know all of my patients and 
we'd talk about the goings on in their lives before they told 
me what was wrong with them." My cheeks grew hot as I 
spoke. "I'd know immediately what was wrong with them, 
write out a prescription and then all would be right with the 
world."

Mulder grinned at me and said gently, "So do that."

I rolled my eyes. "I have to be realistic, Mulder." 

"How's it not realistic? It sounds to me like you want to be a 
country doctor." It sounded so easy when he said it out loud.

"I guess," I replied slowly. "But I have no idea how to even go 
about that."

"I think we should start with more questions," he said as he 
sat up, opened his desk drawer and pulled out a pen and a 
pad of paper.  He was more enthusiastic about this than I 
expected.

"How important is money?" Mulder never pulled any 
punches.

"I'm not in it for the money," I declared. "It was never about 
that for me. That's probably why all of this insurance stuff 
makes me so angry."

Mulder nodded and said, "Now that they've unfrozen those 
accounts, we have enough that you don't need a salary."

As soon as the words left his mouth, it was like a weight was 
lifted off my shoulders.

"I could work in a free clinic." The thought made me feel 
jubilant. "Do you really have enough to support us?"

"Yes, 'WE' have enough now that 'WE' have access to those 
accounts. In my mind, it's been WE for a very long time, 
Scully."

"In mine too, Mulder," I assured him. "I'm just not used to 
anyone being so selfless with their assets. Sometimes I forget 
what an extraordinary man you are. It's another reason I fell 
in love with you."

"It doesn't seem extraordinary to me. I think we can safely 
say we're in this for the long haul. To me that means there is 
no yours and mine," he said, unwilling to accept my 
compliment. "So, we definitely have enough to support both 
of us."
 
"I could resign from the hospital and really be a doctor!"

 In my mind, I was twirling around on a mountain top while 
Julie Andrews sang 'The hills are alive with the sound of 
music'.

"Yeah, Scully, you could." Mulder's eyes shone with tears.

"What?" I jumped up and hurried around the desk to him.

"I can only remember seeing you this happy a couple of 
times." He pulled me onto his lap.

I leaned in to kiss him softly. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah. I know you may find this hard to believe, but for a long 
time now, making you happy has been very important to me; 
that and keeping you safe; keeping the darkness away from 
our home." He scanned my face as he spoke.

"I do know that, Mulder," I said as I stroked his hair. "And 
after our brief return to the FBI, getting away from the 
darkness would make me happier than you can possibly 
imagine."

"It may still find us, the darkness may hunt us down but if 
getting away from the business of health care will bring some 
light to your life, I'm all for it," he said with a smile.

"I want there to be light in both our lives," I corrected him.

"Ah, but whenever there's light in your life, it shines directly 
on me, too." He gave me a squeeze.

"I want you to have happiness of your own, Mulder. After 
everything you've been through, you deserve it. You aren't 
going to stay holed up in an office clipping newspapers for 
the rest of your life, are you?"

"No, but even though I'm no longer a wanted man, I haven't 
found a sense of purpose yet. Finding your dream has given it 
to me. Once we get you settled into a position you like, I'm 
sure I'll find something to keep me busy," he assured me.

"You don't mind following me?" I asked in surprise.

"Scully, you followed me for years. I think it's my turn now." 
He punctuated his words by kissing me.

"Mulder, I want this to be right for both of us. I don't want 
you following me to Bum Fuck, Wyoming so I can be a 
country doctor, only to discover a few months down the road 
that you're bored out of your mind," I protested sincerely, 
but he grinned at me.

"If Bum Fuck, Wyoming needs a doctor, Scully, I'd be happy 
to move there. Just think, then I could tell Bill that not only 
am I NOT making an honest woman of his baby sister, but I'm 
taking her out west to bum fuck, too."

"Mulder, I'm serious." I tried to keep a straight face, but I 
wasn't completely successful.

"And I'm not?" He did a better job of not laughing than I did. 
"I'd give anything to see the look on his face."

"Mulder."

"Scully, years ago I told you that I wanted to settle down 
some place small. I wasn't kidding. You were right about my 
love of technology, even back then. Now with satellite 
connections, they even get the internet in Bum Fuck, so 
there's nothing holding me back."

"You're sure?" I wasn't completely convinced.

"I've never been more sure. Does it matter to you where you 
practice or is your heart set on Bum Fuck?"

I ignored his joke. It would probably be days before he let it 
go, even without me adding fuel to the fire. "Some states are 
easier to relicense in than others, but no, it doesn't  matter to 
me." 

"You'll have to relicense?"

"In some states, no, in others, yes. But even if I do have to 
relicense, it won't be difficult. The questions are generally 
about state specific laws. I had to know the laws of every 
state I did an autopsy in, Mulder. You kept me on my toes."

"You had to be certified in every state we worked?" Mulder 
asked in amazement.

"As an agent with the FBI, I was given a certain amount of 
latitude. However, the bureau also let me know that they'd 
hang me out to dry if I messed up, so I made sure I was up on 
the laws of every state we went to. What did you think I was 
doing with my laptop on all of those flights?" I poked him in 
the ribs. "Looking at porn?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Of course not, Scully. Looking at 
porn is a guy thing. Women like to read their porn."

I scoffed. "Did they teach you that at Oxford?" 

"Yes, in fact, they did."

"Well, unfortunately state medical laws are about as far 
removed from erotica as one can get," I said with a chuckle.

"And you've read enough of both to know?" He leaned back 
to smirk at me.

"I've read my share," I said with a shrug. "But we digress."

He waggled his eyebrows. "I like digressing with you, Scully, 
but you're right. First things first; tomorrow while you're at 
work, I'll see what options I can find for you."

"Thank you, Mulder." I said with a smile and pressed another 
kiss against his lips. "You have no idea how much better I 
feel. It's like I've been paroled from prison." 

*********************************************

Later that night our good night kiss evolved into love-making; 
not an uncommon occurrence for us. The sex we'd had while 
we were away was passionate and raw, like it had been early 
in our relationship; this night was anything but. 

Even though the way we expressed our love had many 
moods, I couldn't remember Mulder ever being so gentle 
with me. When I looked into his eyes as he moved above me, 
the love I saw there made my heart swell.

Before I knew what was happening, Mulder had stopped 
moving because I was crying.

He wiped at my tears with his thumbs. "No, no, Scully. 
There's no crying in sex."

I choked out a laugh in spite of myself. "I love you so much, 
Mulder." I pulled his head down so I could kiss him. 
"Sometimes I forget how much and then you do something 
like this and I fall in love with you all over again."

"Like what? Make love to you? If that's all it takes to make 
you fall in love with me over and over, I'm happy to oblige," 
he said and then lowered his lips to my neck.

"Mmm, no, I meant what you said earlier. You made me 
happier than I've been in a very long time," I explained as I 
stretched my neck to give him more access. I wondered if he 
noticed that he got more of a reaction out of me when he did 
this now that his beard was gone. "Just now, when I saw the 
way you were looking at me, I was overwhelmed."

What happened next shocked the hell out of me.

Mulder pulled out of me. As he did, I could feel that he was 
losing his erection. That had never happened to us before; 
ever. No matter what was going on, the one thing I could 
always count on was Mulder's attraction to me. It was an 
unwavering  constant in my life.

"We should talk," he said as he rolled off me.

"No, Mulder, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin this," I said as I 
tried to tug him back on top of me.

He shook his head at me. "It's not you, Scully. Trust me. 
There's something I have to tell you."

"Make love first," I said, rolling to my side. Running my 
fingers over his chest, I let them drift toward his flagging 
erection.  "Talk after." I closed my hand around him.

"Okay," he said with a hitch in his breath.

Much to my relief, I felt him harden in my grasp. When I bent 
and took him in my mouth, he groaned. My own arousal had 
waned slightly due to my concern for his apparent loss of 
interest, but his reactions cured me of that quickly. I loved 
the way Mulder responded to my touch. 

Feeling guilty about spoiling our love-making, I decided to 
finish him with my mouth. He had other ideas.

In bed was the only place Mulder ever used his size and 
strength advantage over me. He was the only person who 
knew I enjoyed it. After the first time he'd pulled my clothes 
off and threw me onto the mattress, he apologized profusely. 
I had to remind him that I could've stopped him, if I'd really 
wanted to before he'd believe that I enjoyed being tossed 
around. Then the floodgates were opened.  Having Mulder 
fling me around during our more passionate encounters 
became part of our repertoire.  

So I shouldn't have been surprised at what happened when I 
didn't release him. In a flurry of motion, he pulled out of my 
mouth, rolled me onto my back and was on top and inside of 
me, thrusting hard. 

One of the benefits of long term intimacy is that your partner 
knows exactly how to make you climax; Mulder knows me 
well. When aroused, it only takes a few powerful thrusts to 
make me come.

And I did just that, making Mulder followed me over the 
edge, telling me that he loved me as he shuddered.

When he rolled off me for the second time, he was panting. I 
curled against his side, with my head on his shoulder and 
caressed his chest. Even though he'd been doing all the work, 
I was breathing hard, too.

When I recovered I said, "I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't mean to 
take the wind out of your sails. I was just suddenly 
overwhelmed by how much I love you."

"Oh, Scully, you know how much I love you. It wasn't your 
tears, honestly. There's something I need to tell you. 
Something I should've told you weeks ago, during the case 
with Father Joe."

We had one of the worst fights of our relationship during that 
case. Mulder's reticence made me fear that our issues 
weren't as dead and buried as I hoped they were.

"What?" I asked, letting my hand come to a stop on his 
stomach.

"I should've told you this at the time, but I was worried. I 
wasn't sure if we were strong enough to handle any more."

"Just tell me, Mulder," I urged, wanting him to spit it out. I 
hated not knowing what was bothering him. Considering 
what had just happened, it was bothering him a lot.

He took a deep, cleansing breath before beginning. "When 
we had that fight in the locker room, you said working on 
cases like that wasn't who we were anymore. Remember 
how you said we were two people who came home at night?" 

"Yeah." I nodded. Fighting with someone who has an eidetic 
memory can be a pain in the ass.

"Scully, you were talking about you, not me. I'd been trapped 
in this house for years. Working on that case felt like freedom 
to me."

"Oh, Mulder," I said sorrowfully. Inching up the bed, I 
stretched to kiss him softly. "I feel terrible. I wish you'd said 
something. I was so wrapped up with Christian's case, I 
couldn't see what you were going through."

"I knew that, Scully. That's why I couldn't say anything. I 
thought you were happy. I couldn't bear to shatter that. How 
could I tell you that I felt we were merely existing when it 
seemed to mean so much to you?"

There was no answer to that question. At the time, I'd 
believed I was happy. Looking back now presented an 
entirely different picture to me.

"I think I was just relieved that you were alive and we were 
together. For so long, that's all I wanted out of my life and I 
had it. I was terrified to let you go, Mulder. I was sure I'd lose 
you again. After everything we went through at the Bureau, 
you'd think I'd have known to go with you," I noted wryly. 
"My ultimatum almost accomplished what I feared most."

Hugging me tightly, Mulder pressed a soft kiss to my lips 
before continuing, "I wasn't thinking that Christian's life was 
in your hands like Cheryl's was in mine. I thought you'd 
chosen your work over me. There are things I think we'd both 
do differently, given the chance."

"Definitely," I said, feathering my fingers through his hair.

"Can you imagine my surprise earlier when I found out you 
felt like a prisoner too?" He gazed down at me, wonder still 
apparent in his eyes.

"I had no idea what was really bugging me, Mulder. Until you 
confronted me and made me think about exactly what I 
wanted. I couldn't see it. When you suggested working 
outside of the system I realized how much my job at the 
hospital was weighing me down," I said and then pulled him 
into another kiss. 

After sharing several minutes of post-coital bliss, Mulder 
pulled out of our kiss, stroked my cheek softly and said, "I 
think we've done what we were meant to do here, Scully. It's 
time for a new beginning. Now we can stop just existing and 
start living."

End chapter 1