From a Distance 
by Susan
 
E-mail: touchstone98@tx.rr.com 
Classification: vignette, third party POV 
Spoilers: I Want to Believe, references to past  
episodes 
Archive: No archive without permission. 
Disclaimer: On paper, these characters aren't  
mine. In my head, they are. 
 
Author's notes at the end. 
 
Summary: If I walked towards them, would she  
acknowledge me, or would she pretend she didn't  
see me, preferring instead to keep our past in  
the past? 

 
~~~~ 
 
The last time I saw Agent Scully was thirteen  
years ago. 
 
She was working on a case at the time that had  
left her feeling very vulnerable and unable to  
deal with her emotions, and she needed to talk  
to someone about it. 
 
When she first walked in, I didn't realize who  
she was, but then she introduced herself, and  
I immediately understood why she was standing  
in my office. 
 
I'd read her file before, and not only had she  
recently lost her father, but she herself had also 
nearly died due to some unusual circumstances I 
still don't quite understand to this day. 
 
At the time she'd talked to me about herself in  
the second person, and although I knew it was a  
way for her to detach herself from the inner 
turmoil she was experiencing, I couldn't help  
but be impressed by just how well she carried  
herself and how strong she was. 
 
It was also obvious to me that she felt close to  
Agent Mulder in a way that went beyond just being  
FBI partners, and after she left my office that  
night, I couldn't help wondering if he felt the  
same way about her. 
 
It was two years later when I saw her the second  
time. 
 
She was distraught about another case she was  
working on and struggling with the fact that  
she'd recently been diagnosed with cancer. 
 
At the time we talked about how important it  
was to her to continue working despite her  
illness, and although she never came right out  
and said it, she was clearly afraid that the  
vision she'd seen while working on the case was  
connected to her own mortality. 
 
She also brought up the topic of Agent Mulder  
again and spoke of him with such tenderness and  
reverence, I just knew that I was right in my  
assessment of her after our first meeting. 
 
Of course, I never told her that. I did, however,  
tell her that I hoped she'd be able to beat her  
cancer and to keep on fighting. 
 
It was six months later when I found out that  
she'd gone into remission, and though I know  
I'm not supposed to let myself get emotionally  
involved with my patients, I have to admit I  
got a little teary-eyed when I heard the news. 
 
Her demeanor was completely different the next  
time I saw her. 
 
It was a few years after her previous visit to  
my office, and unlike the other two times I saw  
her, it wasn't fear I saw in her eyes. 
 
It was guilt. 
 
She talked about how she'd killed a man at point  
blank range and how afterwards she didn't even  
remember pulling the trigger. 
 
And she talked about her faith. 
 
She felt as if she'd lost sight of her beliefs,  
and she questioned her actions that night,  
wondering if maybe there was an evil hidden 
inside of her that she had no control over. 
 
After sharing such an emotional conversation,  
I was certain that she'd stop by my office again  
so that we could talk some more, but she never  
came back, and I never saw her again. 
 
Until now. 
 
I was on my way to a consult on the second floor 
when I noticed two people standing down at the 
end of the hallway by Agent Drummy's office. At 
first I thought they were a couple of agents 
simply hanging around outside his door waiting 
for a meeting to start, but as I got a little 
closer, I knew exactly who they were. 
 
After the Donnie Pfaster incident, I'd heard all 
the rumors about Agent Mulder's abduction, her  
pregnancy, and the new partner who'd been assigned  
to work with her, but I'd never followed up on any  
of it, preferring instead to simply be available  
if she needed to come talk to me. 
 
And when I'd heard that she'd given up her baby 
for adoption, I was saddened by the news, but not 
as surprised as I thought I'd be. After all, I 
knew about the extremely dangerous situations she 
often faced while working on the X-Files. 
  
But giving up everything she'd worked so hard for 
here, then disappearing for years? 
 
Now *that* I didn't expect at all. 
 
And I didn't expect to see her in this building 
again either, yet there she was, standing beside  
Agent Mulder about thirty feet away from where I 
was standing.  
 
Although she was wearing a coat, she looked thinner  
than she used to be, and her hair was much longer. 
As for Agent Mulder, he looked completely different 
from the sharply dressed man I'd last seen walking 
down these halls. He seemed thinner than before too, 
his hair was shaggier, and he'd grown a beard. 
 
Even though they were far away from where I was,  
I could see how close they were standing to each 
other and how he'd lean in even closer to her face 
whenever they spoke. 
 
I also couldn't help noticing the way he touched 
her hair, tenderly brushing it away from her 
cheek, then squeezing her shoulder as he brought 
his hand back down by his side. 
 
It was a simple gesture, really, but an intimate 
one that touched me in a way I wasn't expecting. 
 
Not sure what I should do next, I walked over to 
the drinking fountain, took a sip of water, and 
tried to decide whether I should say something 
to them or not. 
 
If I walked towards them, would she acknowledge 
me, or would she pretend she didn't see me,  
preferring instead to keep our past in the past? 
 
And if by some chance, she'd already seen me 
standing here and I didn't go over and say 
something to her, would she be offended or 
relieved? 
 
I honestly didn't know, but watching them for 
the past few minutes and seeing how they were 
with each other now, I knew one thing. 
 
They were together now in a way that was right 
for them, and it wasn't my place to intrude on 
that. 
 
And so I didn't, choosing instead to turn around 
and walk in the other direction.

Glancing back at them one last time as I left, 
I watched him open the door for her and gently 
put his hand on her back as they stepped inside 
Agent Drummy's office.

Then I kept on walking, knowing that the decision
I'd made was the right one.

 
~end~ 
 
 
In case you hadn't already figured it out, the  
episodes that were referred to in this story were  
Irresistible, Elegy, and Orison, and the narrator 
was Karen Kosseff, the FBI counselor who appeared  
in two out of three of those episodes. Having 
recently re-watched Elegy, I was struck by just 
how open Scully was with her, and I wondered how 
she would react if she saw Scully (and Mulder too) 
at the FBI again after all these years.  
 
Thanks for reading.:)
 

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