Hole in the Black
by PD

ARCHIVAL:  Gossamer, no thanks. Stories will be housed at 
my site only. If you'd like to link, I'd love it, but 
please drop me note with a heads up.

DISCLAIMER:  Can I borrow the keys to the franchise, Chris? 
I won't go to any FBI balls, I promise to make a full stop 
at most clichés‚ and I will try not to dangle my 
participles at the nice couple in the unremarkable house.

CLASSIFICATION: SRA, MSR, IWTB, TMI, ASAP

RATING:  R

SPOILERS:  Through The X Files: I Want To Believe

SUMMARY:  "I wasn't in the group, Mr. Mulder. I was a 
tangential part of the project - in league with those few 
who were adamant on the subject of developing an antidote 
and a vaccine. He was our man on the inside, but we were 
not on the side of complicity with the colonists and that 
meant we were on the outside. Fringe element. We were not 
highly regarded. We weren't even invited to the group 
barbecues." He caught himself and smiled. "Ah. No pun 
intended."


~ Chapter 16 ~
 
7:15 pm
Mitchell Mesa Complex
Monument Valley, AZ

Mulder walked back into their living area with a grin on 
his face after peaking in at William. 

"*What* is going on in there?" Scully asked, amused.

Mulder chuckled. "He's playing a game on the Playstation."

Scully cringed. "Oh. It isn't bloody and gory, is it? Is he 
shooting people?"

"No, he's driving a little ATV." Mulder chuckled. "It looks 
like fun." He pulled off his shoes and padded over to their 
little refrigerator. "You want another beer?"

Scully flopped back on the cushions on the floor and 
sighed. "No. Yes. Why not?"

"Why not, indeed, I say, Scully," he said handing her an 
icy green bottle. "So," he stretched out on the cushions 
next to her and they leaned back against the bed. "Tell me 
why you think it's a bad idea."

"To take out a chip that's keeping me alive and put in a 
new one we know nothing about made by people who might very 
well have an even more sinister agenda than those who made 
my current chip? That idea?" She said it with a smile. It 
might have been the beer.

"Uh huh," he said nodding. "Look, we don't have to do 
anything with it now, but they're offering to give it to 
us. We can have it analyzed. We don't ever have to use it. 
But, Scully, I get the feeling you don't even want to take 
it with us for the possibility of it. Do you think I'm 
suggesting that we let them strap you down and perform 
surgery?"

"No, of course not."

"So?"

"I don't know, Mulder, I just... It's not even a logical 
reason. I guess I don't want to think about the worst that 
can happen. I thought I was through envisioning the "worst 
that can happen" when we settled down and stopped running. 
I thought I was through worrying about my own health or 
what kind of trouble you were getting into."

"Hey."

"I'm sorry. You know what I mean. I mean, trouble and no 
cell phone in sight. Giant mushroom. Or - zombies." They 
both smiled at that. "Let's see what happens, okay? We've 
got enough to deal with right now without adding this 
decision on top of it." She shrugged. "And if it's somehow 
meant to be, we'll know it."

Mulder lifted his beer and they clinked their bottles 
lightly. It wasn't a toast. Just an agreement. 

From the other room, they heard the faint sounds of little 
motors and William's occasional squeals of joy and groans 
of frustration. Scully sighed and looked up at Mulder, a 
sad smile on her face. 

Mulder cocked his head at her. "What is it?"

"I don't know how we're going to let him go, Mulder. Do 
you?"

"Yeah," he said after a moment of consideration. "We're 
going to take him home - and let him go. The alternative is 
not possible. I'm not torturing myself with the impossible, 
Scully. Why are you?"

She shook her head and pulled at her beer. She wasn't 
really enjoying it anymore, but she drank it anyway.

~:~:~

2:00 am

In bed beside Mulder, she stared up into the darkness of 
their room. Mulder was snoring lightly, the soft sounds 
lulling her even as she lay there, wide awake.

Here, alone in her head, alone in the dark, she could do 
what Mulder couldn't. For a man who has lived most of his 
life aching over the impossible, obsessing over the roads 
not taken and blaming himself for things he couldn't 
change, she couldn't quite understand why he wouldn't 
commiserate with her about this. Yes, they had done it to 
death during that awful period on the run, and they had put 
it behind them as many times as they needed to when Scully 
felt the need to bring it up again - but that was about the 
past. This was about the future. What could they do about 
it, and how could they deal with it when the inevitable 
impossibility of it became reality. They could never have 
William back, but why couldn't they talk about the what 
ifs? Maybe he worried about a weak moment, a crack in her 
logic that would turn one of her "what ifs" into a "why 
not."
 
So, she waited for the dark to consider - obsess - over the 
facts and to try to do the impossible which was to figure 
out a way to turn back time, or erase time completely. 
Mulder would likely interject something amusing about the 
Temporal Prime Directive, but it wouldn't change her 
feelings on the matter. She would allow almost any event to 
take the place of the past if only she could have her son 
back again.

~:~:~

Thursday, April 17th
11:22 am
Bio Lab

"This won't hurt a bit, William," the technician said. Her 
name was Joan and William liked her very much. She was 
pretty and she reminded William of the lady that came to 
see his Mom and Dad once. She said she was from the 
adoption agency and she just wanted to see how "they were 
all getting along." William was 1-1/2 years old at the time 
and he remembered her very well.

After smoothly slipping the needle into William's arm, she 
removed the rubber tourniquet and looked into his eyes as 
the blood flowed into the tube.

"Okay," she said, withdrawing the needle and pressing an 
alcohol soaked cotton ball to the puncture. "All done. Not 
so bad, right?"

William smiled and nodded his head.

"Good." She looked up at Mulder and Scully who were 
standing over William. They each had an arm crooked, 
holding a cotton ball in place at their own punctures. 
"We're all done," she said and sighed. "We'd like to start 
working on this today. Dr. Scully, you're welcome to stay 
and see what we're doing."

"Thank you," Scully said. She was no longer nonplussed at 
the level of accommodation they continued to encounter 
here. There seemed to be no end to the back flips being 
performed for them. 

Of course, their integrity and honesty was still completely 
under suspicion, at least by Scully.

"What do you think, Scully, are you staying?"

She nodded. "I'll stay a while. You two can go on and -" 
she glanced at Mulder, "I know you're dying to get at the 
pool table in the rec room."

Both Mulder and William grinned at the same moment, and 
Scully's heart broke a little; they had the same smile. 

"They've got pinball machines, too!" William noted, 
delighted. 

"Yay," Scully said, and she put her hand on top of 
William's head. She rested it there a moment, sifted her 
fingers briefly through his perpetually tousled hair. 
"Okay," she said and dropped her hand.

William continued to smile up at her, scrutinizing her, 
contemplating something. Finally, "You used to sing to me," 
he said.

Stunned, her heart fluttered, and her mouth did its best 
impression of a smile as she nodded at him. "Yes," she said 
hoarsely.

William nodded, pleased with himself at yet another memory 
of Dana he could keep with him. "I'll remember the song," 
he promised and he turned to leave. 

Mulder stepped closer to Scully and placed his hand on her 
shoulder. He leaned down closer. "You all right?"

Scully nodded and worked again at a smile. Mulder kissed 
her temple. "Come down when you're done and you can kick my 
ass at Eight Ball," he whispered.

This time, the smile was easier and she watched Mulder and 
William leave her alone with the technicians in the lab.

~:~:~

She was looking at her own blood through a microscope when 
Roy came in and made the rounds at each station in the 
room, speaking briefly with each technician. Some moments 
later, he found his way to her and cautiously sat down.

"So. What do you think so far?"

"I think you have a very advanced operation here - electron 
microscopes, state-of-the-art diagnostic equipment. It's 
very impressive. And after," she glanced at her watch, "two 
hours and twenty minutes of observation, I've found that 
all your technicians are doing exactly what they say 
they're doing."

Roy smiled, pleased with himself.

"But I still don't trust you," she said, and Roy shook his 
head in disbelief. "Don't tell me you have a hard time 
believing that," she said with a frown. She leaned toward 
him and lowered her voice. "Do you really think it's going 
to be that easy to wipe the slate - with all you claim to 
know about us, what we've been through over the years and 
what you pulled when we first met, do you honestly believe 
that I could just drop the past?"

"I think at some point, you have to consider the truth you 
know and drop the grudge," he said, obviously a little put 
out. 

"I'm giving you the time to prove your claims, and we're 
operating under a generous benefit of the doubt here." She 
narrowed her eyes at him. "I'd say you're getting a lot of 
consideration under the circumstances."

Roy held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, all right. I 
don't want to argue with you. All I can do is continue to 
do my job honestly and hope you see that."

Scully sighed and nodded. She glanced around the room and 
frowned. "What exactly is your job here? I don't see you 
working in either lab."

"I'm not a scientist, Dr. Scully. I'm good with computers 
and if you're looking for someone to fix your lawnmower, 
you could do worse, but I leave all the chemistry and bio 
tech to the professionals. I am a leftover from the days 
when CGB thought he pulled everyone's string. 
Unfortunately, I'm the last leftover. I'm pretty sure 
everyone else is dead or - I don't know. Abducted?"

Scully lifted a brow humorlessly. 

Roy stood up. "I'll be in touch. We should be getting some 
results here in a couple of days."

"That soon?"

"We've been working on getting it right for a long time, 
Dr. Scully. We were ready for this."

Scully nodded and watched him go. She considered, again, 
her distrust of the man and wondered why she couldn't quite 
let it go. She wasn't the type to hold a grudge, but 
something was like an elephant in way, preventing her from 
moving past his initial, somewhat understandable, 
deceptions. She resolved to make that tonight's dead of 
night contemplation.