Home Is Where The Heart Is (2/8)
by Amanda Hawthorn

Feedback: amanda_shepherd@live.co.uk 
Rating: R
Spoilers: Home Again (10 x 4)
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me unfortunately.

Author's Note: This is for my daughter who was only 2 when X
Files first aired. Since the reboot she's started watching from the
pilot. Yesterday I had a text from her saying..."Mum I'm totally
shipping Mulder and Scully!"

I am so proud!


Chapter 2

Scully grasped Mulder's hand tighter as they approached the main
door to the house and the fellow mourners awaiting their arrival.
She had no idea what kind of welcome, if any, that she would
receive from some members of the small group. After all, she had
caused her mother no amount of grief and heartache without even
meaning to. She didn't know how much the extended Scully family
knew about her life with Mulder or the fact that she had given their
precious child away. She hadn't exactly been close to her family
after that.

Every step caused another wedge of guilt to crash into her heart.
Had her mother ever forgiven her for the grief she had caused to
her and the family? Had she understood the reasons why they had
to give William up? Did her mother die hating her for it? She hadn't
made any secret of the fact that she was very disappointed with
their decision and Dana knew that her mother had mourned his loss
just as much as they did.

Her legs felt like lead and she could feel Mulder's concerned gaze
upon her even without looking up at him. She felt his comforting
presence in every fibre of her being, and that alone gave her the
courage that she needed to keep moving one foot in front of the
other. She had always been the strong one, or so Margaret Scully
had proclaimed on more than one occasion... Dana just hoped that
she had been right.

Swallowing the lump that seemed to be permanently in her throat
she took a deep breath and felt Mulder squeeze her hand in
reassurance. Scully lifted her head and caught his gaze and found
the strength he was giving her to get through this awful day. She
was forever thankful for the day he came into her life, despite all the
heartache along the way. He was her rock and the other half of her
heart... that would never change.

"Are you ready?" he asked her, his voice breaking through her
reverie. "Because if you're not..."

"I'll never be ready," she whispered hoarsely. "But, I'm fine."

"Okay..."

His graveled voice caught her heart... how could so much love be
projected in just one word?

In any other instance she would have melted into his embrace, but
not right now... not yet... She held his eyes for a few moments
longer, hoping that he could feel the love she poured into her gaze,
before the click of a door opening shattered the moment as she
moved to follow her brother when he pushed open the front door,
never once letting go of her partner's hand.

000

Once inside, Scully was struck by a flurry of memories that seemed
to hit her all at the same time and for a moment she was engulfed in
grief once again. Her father had lived in this house... so had her
sister... and her mother... every single one of them had left their
own echo within these walls... but as she looked around the familiar
room she couldn't shake the emptiness that swam around her
senses. She felt so... lost.

Beside her Mulder could feel her tighten her hold on his hand and
he found himself tugging her closer towards his side, shielding her
from her family and this devastating situation. She had been there
for him when he was left alone and desolate after his mother died.
She had helped him pack up the family home and never once left
his side when he crumbled beneath the weight of his grief... just
how he wouldn't leave her.

Acting on instinct, he unclasped their hands to glide his arm around
her back and over her shoulder, providing a sort of united front for
anyone who decided to bombard her with questions. He wasn't
about to let anyone hurt her, even her family. He would fight to
keep her safe...

"Dana," a woman's voice called and they both turned to see a petite
blonde rushing in their direction.

Tara Scully, Bill's wife, came towards them in one swift movement
and tore her sister in law away from Mulder's grasp. Her arms
were around Scully in seconds, engulfing her in an emotional hug,
leaving both FBI agents in a state of surprise.

"I'm so sorry," Tara blurted against Scully's shoulder, already
crumbling in tears. "I'm so sorry."

Scully's flaccid arms slowly started to move and embrace her in a
brief tight hug before she slowly pulled herself away to take hold of
Tara's hands.

"I...," Scully's voice cracked a little as she spoke,. "She's with dad
and Missy now... I know she is... I... I have to believe that..."

Tara wiped at her eyes and smiled through her tears. Nodding
fiercely she squeezed Scully's hands tight before she turned to look
at the man standing protectively just behind her sister in law.

"Mr. Mulder," she gasped out, instantly releasing Dana to move
towards him to take one of his hands in between hers. "It's really
good to see you again... I'm sorry I didn't get to speak to you at the
funeral but... I just wanted to thank you for being here... for taking
care of Dana like you do."

Her words caused Scully to turn around and regard the other
woman with a fondness that she hadn't felt in a very long time.
Catching Mulder's gaze she smiled her first real smile since this
nightmare had begun and felt her worries slowly begin to dissipate a
little.

"Always," Mulder told her honestly, as he dropped his eyes to
focus on the woman standing before him. "It's nice to see you again
too."

Tara smiled brightly and released his hand before she stepped back
to gesture towards Dana again.

"Would you mind if I steal Dana for a little while?"

Glancing over to his partner he watched for any kind of sign that
she was uncomfortable with this but when she nodded that she
would be fine without him for a little while, he turned back to Tara
and smiled.

"Sure."

Scully kept her gaze focused on Mulder even as Tara was ushering
her away from his side, and drawing her into family conversations
regarding old memories to which he couldn't be a part of. He
continue to watch her worriedly as she glanced back towards him
briefly to offer him a reassuring smile that for now at least, she really
was okay.

He continued to watch her for a few more moments before he
started to feel a little like an intruder, but when someone called his
name he tore his gaze away from his partner to look into the face of
a man with Scully's eyes.

"I'm Charlie," the man nodded in greeting as he shoved a glass of
brandy towards him. "From one outsider to another!"

"Sorry," Mulder eyed the amber liquid before shaking his head
apologetically. "I promised Dana I'd drive us home tonight... but
thank you anyway."

Charlie grinned and shrugged nonchalantly and downed first his
brandy in one gulp, followed by the glass he'd brought for Mulder.

"She's got you whipped," he chuckled mirthlessly as he gazed down
into the now empty glasses. "Never thought she had it in her!"

"She doesn't have me-"

"Whatever," Charlie waved his hands in Mulder's direction, a glass
held between both sets of fingers. "So, you're like... looking out for
her right?"

"You could say that," Mulder told him as he lifted his eyes to check
that the only Scully he was really interested in was still within his
sight.

"She'll be okay," Charlie told him dully as he followed his gaze.
"She's with Aunt Lucy. She's my mom's sister."

Mulder could hear the regret in the other man's voice, a feeling he
was all too familiar with since his own mother's passing. He too had
chosen to remove himself from the remaining member of his family
for reasons that had become confused and insignificant as time
wore on.

"I'm sorry about your mother."

Charlie nodded solemnly and Mulder could see that he was just as
uncomfortable to be here as he was. He wasn't really sure why the
Scully family had shattered to leave them just as broken as his own,
but whatever it was he didn't intend to pry. He found his eyes
seeking out the woman he loved once more but instead he found
the cool, brooding eyes of Bill Scully... but for once that anger was
not directed at him.

"Bill being an asshole to ya huh," Charlie nodded knowingly. "Me
too... He's got it down to a fine art..."

Mulder didn't really know what to say to that. He thought frantically
to find an excuse to move away but before he could speak the man
beside him nodded towards his brother and spoke again.

"After our father died I decided I liked this stuff too much," he
mused as he held one of the empty tumblers up to look through the
frosted glass. "Bill decided it was his duty to be the one to pull me
back in line and mom never stopped him... so I packed up my stuff
and left."

"I'm sorry," Mulder offered again, not really knowing if there was
anything else he could say to the youngest Scully who seemed to be
staring at the ingrained patterns of the object in his hand.

"When Missy died... I came home for her funeral..." Charlie lifted
his eyes from the glass and towards his older brother. "...and got
this damn lecture of how I was a disappointment to the family
name, so I said goodbye to this place and my family for good."

"I-"

"Do you love my sister Mr. Mulder?" Charlie asked him suddenly,
catching Mulder off guard for a moment. "To hear my brother
speak of you you're like satan himself."

"Yeah... well your brother has his own reasons to hate me," Mulder
sighed regretfully. "But, in answer to your question... yes... I love
your sister."

Charlie nodded slightly, considering his words carefully before he
regarded Mulder for a moment. "More than your job? Cuz
according to Bill you live the damn thing and you drag our sister
down with ya... his words, not mine... just saying."

"I love her more than anything..." Mulder told him with as much
conviction as he could muster. "She is... she's... everything..."

Charlie watched him closely, scrutinizing his every move before he
obviously saw something that he recognized.

"Then take her and get her the hell away from here," Charlie told
him as he shot his older brother an angry glare. "Some of the
people here are damn toxic."

Mulder turned to stare at Charlie Scully with a mixture of shock
and surprise but before he could respond, Charlie turned and
walked away from him to leave him standing alone once more.

Sighing heavily, Mulder looked for Scully but she was no longer in
his line of sight. Feeling a little like a pariah, he looked around the
room for some kind of distraction. When his eyes caught sight of
something interesting, he turned to walk towards a large fireplace
that held an array of family photographs displayed on and around it.
He found his gaze drifting over the various poses of a family that
had obviously once had some happier occasions, each of which
was marked by smiling faces looking back at him.

A wave of sadness suddenly caught him unawares forcing him to
realise that this family's loss had affected him more than he cared to
admit. Yes he was here for Scully, to support and comfort her...
but he also had a lot of affection for the incredible lady that they
had come together to mourn. She had shown him care when he
was lost... compassion when he didn't deserve it and love when he
had crumbled to his knees beside Scully's hospital bed. She had
been the light in the darkness when he'd lost his way... and he had
loved her for all of those reasons.

As he gazed across the multiple images of childhood memories, he
found himself wishing that he'd had more than just one tiny
photograph of his son. He'd held that photo at least once a day, all
the while knowing that William would forever be his one and only
child. He'd been a miracle for both him and Scully and even though
he had the ability father another child, without Scully as its mother...
the possibility wasn't worth a thing...

There was always this inner monologue that told him over and over
that he needed to let go but he couldn't... he'd had no idea until he'd
set his eyes on his baby son, that it was possible to feel so much
love towards another person. His child... his flesh and blood...

Sudden tears stung his eyes and he frantically tried to blink them
away. He couldn't give way to his own loss even though it
threatened to swallow him whole on a daily basis. Margaret Scully's
passing had dredged up more than grief for both himself and Dana.
They were forced to confront every single chaotic emotion that
attributed to William, but where Dana could show her feelings
openly to him, he had tried to be strong for her... one of them had
to be and he had assigned himself to the task... No... he grieved his
own loss in private... Scully didn't need to see him crumble, not
when she felt that same pain and more every single day.

He needed a distraction but when his eyes settled on a small framed
photograph of a tiny baby, his heart suddenly caught inside his
chest. Reaching across he picked up the wooden frame and held it
in his hands with trembling fingers as he gazed down into the grainy
image. If this photograph wasn't so old he could almost swear it
was William smiling up at him.

Images bombarded his senses faster than he could stop them... a
mixture of love, grief and loss filled his mind to transport him into
memories that he had tried to bury for so long...

"Hey..." he cooed as he reached down to carefully lift his son out of
his crib. "Enough of that... mommy's sleeping."

William's eyes opened wide to look up at him and he could feel
himself falling in deeper. He'd heard parents say how their lives had
changed when they held their children in their arms, but he'd never
really understood until now. This tiny little person had turned his
world on its head and he couldn't have been happier.

"So, what's got you up this time hmm?" He asked hummingly as he
rocked the baby from side to side. "Now I know you can't be
hungry already."

William smacked his lips together and continued to look up at him
with eyes that were the same as his own and he knew he would
quite happily give up everything right in this moment if it meant he
could stay like this forever...

"So, if you're not hungry then it's gotta be time for a diaper
change?"

Lifting the baby higher he placed a soft kiss onto his smooth brow
and held him close for a few precious seconds before placing him
down onto the changing mat and began to unfasten the buttons on
his onesie.

"Whew..." Mulder crinkled his nose and grinned down at his tiny
son as he cautiously unfastened the diaper like it was some kind of
chemical weapon. "How can so much come out of something so
small?"

William gurgled and kicked his legs in the air when Mulder
removed and discarded the offending diaper before cleaning him up
and putting a new one on him.

"I know Buddy," Mulder chuckled when he started to rebutton the
tiny onesie. "I hear ya... but we can't have you peeing up the walls!
We'll both be in trouble if we let you do that. I'd be sleeping on the
couch for the next year!"

Picking up the infant once more, Mulder adjusted his hold to nestle
Willian against his shoulder and gently patted his back as he rocked
him. This was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life... being a
father to his son...

"That's Dana," a woman's voice spoke beside him and he lifted his
eyes to find himself facing an older version of the woman he had
come to mourn. "She was barely three months old there."

"She was a good looking baby," he told her with a tight smile as he
moved to replace the frame back in the spot where he'd found it.

"She was beautiful," she nodded and patted his arms affectionately.
"I'm Lucy, Dana's aunt.."

Mulder couldn't help but smile when he looked at her. She looked
so much like Scully's mother and she had the same kind eyes.
Holding his hand out to her he nodded in greeting.

"I'm-"

"Mulder, not Fox," she told him with a wide smile as she took his
offered hand to clasp it in between both of hers. "I've heard a lot
about you over the years. You're Dana's young man."

"Well not so young anymore," he chuckled, already feeling his
mood lighten a little. "It's very nice to meet you... I just wish it was
in happier circumstances though."

"Yes," Lucy agreed sadly. "As do I..."

"Mrs. Scully was..." Mulder's voice died away when Lucy stepped
closer to pat his cheek affectionately  

"Maggie loved you, you know," her voice softened affectionately as
she continued to hold his gaze. "Despite what Bill or anyone else in
this family says... she always thought of you as one of hers."

Mulder was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a reign on his
fraying emotions. He had always held a certain affection for Scully's
mother ever since their first meeting... but to think she had regarded
him in the same respect sent a sheen of tears to gather in his eyes.

"I... she was a special lady."

"Yes, she was," Lucy swiped a shaky hand across her face before
she regained her composure and gestured to the photograph of
Dana that he had been so interested in before she'd approached
him. "Maggie told me how alike Dana and William were. She often
said she could see a lot of her in him... and you... he had your
eyes."

Mulder felt his face flush a little when memories he'd tried to quash
refused to be silenced. He had no idea how much Dana's aunt
knew of William but just talking about him... hurt...

"He was... perfect," he croaked. "And beautiful... like his mother."

Lucy smiled kindly, the wrinkles beside her eyes crinkling in exactly
the same way as Scully's mother. "She told me what happened to
yours and Dana's little boy... I'm really sorry... giving up a child you
love is the worst pain any parent can go through... believe me, I
know first hand how much it hurts."

"You?" Mulder asked in a mixture of sadness and surprise. "I'm
sorry."

"Well I was only eighteen, no husband... and I had to choose
between my love for my son or giving him a better life..."

"And did he?" Mulder asked hopefully. "Have a better life?"

Lucy regarded him sadly and smiled despite her obvious loss. "Yes,
he did... and so will your son... you have to believe in your heart
that he is living a happy and full life and that one day, he'll come and
find you."

Mulder nodded slightly, he knew she was right, but knowing that
their son was out there living a life without them did nothing to ease
the ache of loss... he just hoped that William was happy, that he
was loved... and he was safe.

"Now," Lucy cleared her throat and stepped closer towards him.
"How about you and me go and find something to eat?"

Before he could reply she slid her hand around his arm and guided
him away from the Scully family gallery. He was more than a little
apprehensive to follow her but when he caught sight of a familiar
red head he felt himself relax and allowed her to lead him towards
the large spread of sandwiches laid out neatly on the dining room
table.

Scully caught his eye and immediately excused herself from the
conversation with her cousin to make her way towards him. She
wanted to be by his side now more than ever, especially after
learning from various family members that her mother had made
changes to her will that no one but a select few had known about.

As she approached she took his offered hand in hers and moved
closer to melt into his side. She could almost hear him exhale in
relief and she didn't think there was any way she could possibly
love him even more than she did right now.

"Your young man has been keeping me company," Lucy told her
with a smile as she slowly released his arm before gesturing the
table of food. "I'll leave you two to chat... I'm going to take some
sandwiches to your brother."

When Lucy was out of earshot, Mulder smiled down at the woman
beside him, forever grateful to have her by his side.

"Are you doing okay?"

"I think I am," she told him honestly as she wrapped an arm around
his waist. "I have something to tell you..."


Continued in Chapter 3