Home Is Where The Heart Is (5/8)
by Amanda Hawthorn

Feedback: amanda_shepherd@live.co.uk         
Rating: R
Spoilers: Home Again (10 x 4)
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me unfortunately.

Author's Notes:  Thank you so much for all of your PM's,reviews
and favourite story/author adds. I appreciate all of your comments.
I wish I had time to reply to all of you individually but please know
I am incredibly humbled by your kind comments.

As always thank you to my wonderful friends, Purdys Pal,
Jediskysinger and DaisyDay for their constant support


Chapter 5

Mulder closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. It had been
so long since she had spoken those words to him... so long since
they had allowed themselves to feel. Turning his face he pressed his
lips into her hair and whispered those same three words back to
her, each word sealing them back together, erasing all of the hurt
that had caused them to part so long ago. He felt her breath hitch in
her chest as she moved against him, tilting her head up towards him
so she could look into his watery gaze. Every possible way to say I
love you passed between them, both conveying without words that
they would never be apart again.

Reaching up, Scully traced her free hand across his cheek and
sought out his lips with her own...her need to feel closer to him
outweighing anything else. Mulder knew what she needed...what
they both needed, and he could feel it too. He had missed her more
than he cared to admit, and when he met her halfway, closing the
gap between them to press them together in a soft, tender kiss, he
knew he could never let her go again.

After a few precious moments their lips parted, and they both
pulled back to regard each other in a loving gaze. No words were
needed anymore, not now...they were finally back together in every
way that counted. Scully offered him a small smile as she pressed
one more soft kiss against his lips before pulling away again to lay
her head against his shoulder, lowering her gaze back towards their
gift.

She continued to hold onto Mulder's hand as they processed every
single photograph in the precious album nestled upon their knees.
The images of their beautiful son brought more than tears to flow
from both of them. His little smiling face sent waves of joy, loss,
sadness and complete pure love to flow through both of them.

Scully continued to rest her head on Mulder's shoulder as he traced
his fingertips over his son's sweet face, knowing that he was
wishing, just as she was, that they could have had so much more
time with him. Granted she'd had five more months with William
than Mulder had, but she knew that Mulder's pain matched hers in
every single way.

"I wish..." Mulder's voice trailed away as he tried to force his
sorrow away. Their son was gone and there was nothing that either
of them could do to bring back the years they had lost with him.

Scully tightened her hold on his hand, lacing her fingers through his
once more. No matter how many times Mulder had told her that
she'd made the right decision to give their son up, she still carried
the guilt deep within her anyway... it was something she could never
escape, no matter how many times she told herself it was for all the
right reasons. He was their miracle; their flesh and blood. He was
the only living proof of their everlasting love for one another...but he
was gone, and she would carry the heaviness in her heart until the
day she died.

"I know," she whispered as she turned her face to nestle her lips
against his shoulder. "I wish he was with us too..."

Mulder reached down to turn over another page and instantly
choked back a sob. Scully lifted her head and shuffled even closer
towards him as she too was finding it increasingly difficult to keep
her ever present tears at bay. There laid out for them was their love
on show, but neither of them had ever seen it displayed to them in
that way. Scully's mother must have taken the photograph while the
two of them had succumbed to sleep while their son nestled in
between them.

"I hope..." Mulder choked out through the words caught in his
throat. "I hope...he gets...to see this..."

Scully nodded against him, her lips buried against his ear. Tears
trickled over her already wet cheeks but she didn't care anymore.
She was so tired of hiding their son away from the world when all
she wanted to do was cherish his memory. Pressing her lips against
his cheek, she turned her head so that she could gaze upon the
photograph that had caused the man beside her to break and
nodded against him.

"We should... frame this one," she whispered hoarsely as she
swallowed against the emotion that constricted her voice. "When
we get home..."

Her words brought his eyes away from their family pose to focus
on her. This woman beside him was his life; the other half of him.
They had been together for over twenty years, interwoven in each
other's lives in every different way.

"Yes," he murmured against her temple, his lips grazing her skin.
Closing his eyes briefly he breathed in her unique scent and allowed
himself to relax against her. They had both been through hell and
back to get to this point in their lives. Their love for each other had
never waned, even when they weren't effectively together...and he
knew he was still an incredibly lucky man to still have her by his
side after everything he'd put her through.

"Mulder," Scully's voice rose a little as she lifted her head from his
shoulder to get a closer look at one of the photographs on the last
page of the album.

"What?"

"Look," she gasped as she pointed to the date marked beneath a
small photograph of William that her mother had obviously taken on
the last day she'd looked after him. From the surroundings they
were in some restaurant but it wasn't that that had caught Dana's
eye. Reaching down she pointed to the coin laid on the table beside
William's bottle and suddenly felt her eyes glisten with a fresh
onslaught of sorrow.

"Is that...?"

"I think it is," Scully whispered brokenly as she pulled the chain out
from beneath her shirt to examine the coin her mother had worn.
"This must have been why she kept it...it's her last link...her
*last*..."

When her voice trailed away Mulder untangled their fingers to wrap
his arm around her shoulders. He wasn't sure if possessing the
immortalized coin would provide the same level of comfort to
Scully as it did her mother, but he hoped it somehow would.

"Maybe...she kept it to remind herself of the last time," Mulder
offered softly, his voice still hoarse as he spoke. "Maybe it was her
way of keeping a link to him...but..."

"We'll never really know," Scully's voice was thick with emotion but
she swallowed back the tears before they could reappear. Despite
the unanswered questions they had been given the best gift that any
parent could have...they now had photos to go with the memories
of their son. Proof that he was truly loved.

"Maybe not," Mulder sighed into her hair and watched silently as
she closed the album with delicate, trembling fingers. He fought the
urge to take the book from her and open it again, just so that he
could see his son one last time before they closed the memories
away, but he knew by the way the woman beside him was
trembling that she needed him to be her anchor once more. They
sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke again, the slight
tremor in her voice stirring his own torrid emotions to peek once
more.

"Did I do the right thing?" she asked quietly as she lifted her eyes to
his. "One of the last things my mom said to me before I gave
William up...was that I had to love him...but..."

Mulder pulled her in closer to press his lips against her forehead,
reassuring her in the only way he knew how. He could feel her
body shaking and he was suddenly filled with a deep sense of
uneasiness. He had been expecting her to break apart for so many
years but she had been so strong...so much stronger than him. She
had cried, yes...had days when her smile failed to reach her
eyes...but she had never broken, not fully...not in front of him.
Taking the album from their knees he placed it beside his feet so
that he could turn towards her.

"I did it *because* I...loved him..." Scully's voice suddenly broke
into a sob only to be followed by another, and then another. She
reached for him blindly, clinging onto him with everything she
possessed as memories of their beloved child forced all of the
deeply buried pain from over a decade, to finally be set free.

Mulder held on tight, rocking her fragile form back and forth as her
sobs wracked through her body. So much pain...so much
sorrow...it echoed around the room as if to magnify the intensity of
a loss they had both suffered.

"It's okay..." he whispered through his own tears as he held her.
"It's okay..."

000

Lucy glanced up and smiled brightly when Mulder made his way
into the kitchen to sit down opposite her at the table. He knew it
was blatantly obvious by the way she watched him with
sympathetic eyes, that he hadn't hidden his emotions very well.

"I've made you some tea," Lucy told him gently as she reached
across the table to pat his hand. "Then we'll talk."

Mulder opened his mouth to tell her that he didn't think he had the
energy to talk anymore but changed his mind when Scully made her
way into the kitchen to sit down beside him. He turned towards
her, his worried eyes scanning her soft features before he reached
out to cradle her cheek in the palm of his hand.

"You doing okay?" He asked softly as he smoothed his thumb
across her flushed face, wanting nothing more than to pull her back
into his embrace and never let her go again.

Lifting her hand she laid her palm over his fingers on her face and
nodded, even though she didn't think she would ever feel ok again.

"Dana," Lucy's voice broke through the moment and the couple
lowered their hands to lay, finger's joined, in Scully's lap. "Would
you like some tea, dear?"

Scully swallowed hard as she tried to find her voice, but the words
got stuck in her throat. She wanted all of the answers to why her
mother had left everything to her...she needed to know so many
things, but she didn't have the energy or the will to do that right
now. So instead, she nodded her head slightly and offered her
elderly aunt a small smile before she sought out the warm body
beside her.

Mulder shuffled a little closer and unclasped their fingers so that he
could smooth his hand across her shoulders. With very little effort
he maneuvered her closer and felt her body relax against him as she
tucked her head beneath his chin.

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing now," she sighed
tiredly as she nestled against him. "Why did mom leave everything
to me?"

"I'm sure she had her reasons," Mulder told her softly as he rubbed
his cheek against her hair. "Maybe she just wanted you to have
something stable in your life."

"I can understand that," she sighed. "But what are we going to do
with a four bedroomed house? It's a home...it should have children
running around these rooms and happy memories...it'll just be so
wasted on us..."

"Just take some time, Scully," his words disappearing into her hair.
"Wait for a few months before you decide what you want to
do...don't pack the memories away while they're still so painful."

Scully closed her eyes and turned her face into his chest, placing a
soft kiss onto the material that kept her from his skin. He was still
taking care of her, even now. He didn't want her to bury her pain
like he had. Everything his parents owned had been sold off until he
had nothing left of their family life together. He didn't want her to
make that same mistake.

"I just don't want to have to cope with Bill when he finds out I'm the
sole beneficiary..." she groaned. "I'm so tired..."

Her voice was so soft that Mulder had to strain to hear her.
Inclining his head, he pressed his lips into her hair and kissed the
soft strands as he traced his fingertips up and down the silken
material covering her arm.

"You should get some rest," he whispered, his breath fanning her
hair. "It's been a long day... And let me deal with your brother,
okay...your mother had her reasons when she signed everything
over to you."

"I wish I knew what they were..."

"Things will be better tomorrow," he told her softly. "Just don't
dwell on the unanswered questions today."

Scully nodded against him, exhaustion reaching through every part
of her body. She doubted that sleep would come for her tonight,
especially here, in a house that held so many memories. There was
also the delicate sleeping arrangements that they still had to discuss.
She didn't want to presume that this beautiful man who had shown
her so much love, still wanted to share a bed with her after all this
time. It was effectively her who had ended things between them...

Lucy placed two steaming mugs of tea on the table in front of them
before she eased herself down into one of the chairs opposite them.
She regarded them both fondly as she reached out for her own cup
and brought it to her lips, but when her eyes caught the gold chain
around her niece's neck she lowered her cup and placed it back
onto the table.

"The necklace..." she kept her voice even as she spoke, motioning
with her hand towards the gold chain peeking out from behind
Dana's shirt. "I met your mother for coffee that day... I don't think
either of us thought it would be the last time we got to spend time
together with your little boy."

Guilt mixed with immense grief swirled its way through Scully's
mind but she swiped at her eyes before any more tears could form.
She was so tired of feeling like this... so numb...she was gradually
losing the strength that she'd held onto all of these years. The
armour she had held around herself was beginning to crack and she
was becoming afraid of what would happen to her when it finally
gave way. Only Mulder had seen her at her very worst and she
knew it was only him that would be able to stop her from falling
over the edge of despa... it had always been h...She was so
immersed in her own thoughts that she didn't realise that her aunt
was still talking. Taking a breath she took comfort in the man
beside her and stroked her thumb over his thigh as she listened.

"When the waitress brought our order she gave Maggie that coin,"
she told them and motioned towards the necklace. "She said it was
because the baby couldn't take his eyes off of it but I think it was
because of something else."

"Something else?" Mulder asked, his curiosity piqued as he sat up a
little straighter in his seat. "What happened?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy," she chuckled humorously as she
thought of that day. "It was just so... strange..."

"Hey crazy is what we live for," Mulder told her with a smile as he
tugged Scully a little closer. "It's part of our job description."

"What happened aunt Lucy?" Scully asked softly as she raised her
hand to close over the coin around her neck.

"It flew out of her hand and landed right next to the baby..." she
shook her head ruefully. "Your mother said it fell but I saw it with
my own eyes...it flew out of the waitress' hand."

"It flew?" Mulder asked. "As in...it levitated?"

"No," Lucky reached down to wrap both of her hands around her
warm cup. "The baby was crying and then the thing sort of leapt
from her hand... and then he suddenly stopped crying when it
landed next to him. It was just so...odd..."

Scully closed her eyes and bit down onto her bottom lip. After all
these years, after everything she had seen... those unexplained
phenomena connected with her baby still sent shards of fear
through her body. She could feel Mulder's knowing eyes on her
and for the first time in fifteen years, she finally felt
redeemed...someone other than herself had witnessed William's
strange powers... she just wished she had known so much sooner
than now.

"So why did she keep it?" Scully asked when she finally found her
voice as she pulled the necklace out from under her shirt. "And why
did she do this?"

Lucy sighed heavily and lowered her eyes briefly before she lifted
her gaze to look at the couple opposite her.

"It was the last time your mother had him all to herself...it was the
last time she was able to take him out and show off her grandson.
And I suppose in her own way, she knew there was
something...*special* about him."

"Did Margaret witness anything else with our son?" Mulder asked
cautiously as he cast Scully a worried glance. "Did she see anyone
watching her? Anyone taking more than an interest in-"

"Mulder..." Scully's soft voice broke through his words, her sadness
reaching through to stop him in his tracks. What good would it all
do them to rehash how and why things had happened? It wouldn't
erase the last fifteen years...

"Don't you want to know, Scully?" He asked, his voice no more
than a whisper. "Don't you-"

"He's gone, Mulder," Scully snapped, her voice rising only to break
again when she saw the hurt in his eyes. Reaching to cover his hand
on his knee with her own, she squeezed his fingers as she offered
him an apologetic smile. "I'm...sorry."

Mulder lifted their joined hands to his lips to place a warm kiss onto
her knuckles. He kept doing this... he kept hurting her. He'd been
hurting her unintentionally for so many years... he was just so
enormously lucky that she was so forgiving of him and his faults.

"No, I am," he whispered against her finger's. "It's not important
anymore..."

Lucy watched their interactions and smiled in spite of the situation.
Her sister had spoken of the man opposite with so much affection
and it was only now, seeing how he responded to her niece, that
she saw what Maggie had seen all those years ago.

"She loved all three of you," she told them matter of factly. "Very
much...and she understood your reasons for parting with your
child...but she was your *mother,* Dana. She felt your loss just as
strongly as you did... and if keeping hold of that coin around your
neck helped her to cope with her own loss, then we shouldn't
question her reasons."

Mulder lowered his and Scully's joined hands back onto his knee
and smiled at the elderly woman with a newfound respect. She had
managed to defuse their questions with only a few
words...something that he'd admired in Scully *and* her mother.
But before he could answer she pushed her chair back and pulled
herself to her feet.

"I think I'm going to turn in," she told them warmly, careful to
indicate that her room was at the other end of the house and away
from Dana's old bedroom. "I'll take the guest room...sleep well you
two."

Mulder nodded his head in acknowledgement but kept his attention
on the woman who was still close to his side. It had been a very
long day and he was feeling the cusp of exhaustion creeping around
him but he fought it off with every ounce of strength he could
muster,

"Goodnight aunt Lucy."

Scully released his hand and moved away from him as she stood up
to wrap her aunt in a tight hug. Mulder already missed her warmth
and he cursed himself for being so attached, but he couldn't help
himself. He had loved this woman for almost half of his life... being
without her had caused his world to fall away around him and he
didn't know if he would survive without her by his side anymore.

When the elderly woman had left, Scully turned back towards him
and regarded him fondly as she she moved towards him once more.
Reaching out, she captured his face in her hands and leaned down
to press a soft kiss onto his waiting lips, his warmth spreading
through her tired body. When she pulled away, she stepped back
and smiled down at him before she released him only to hold out
her hand.

"Will you..." she started, only to have him stand to his feet, his
movements causing the words to die on her lips.

"Yes..."

Stepping forward he took hold of her hand and smiled down at her
with knowing eyes. He loved her so much, and it had only grown in
intensity over the years... wordlessly he allowed her to lead him out
of the kitchen, willing to follow wherever she led him...knowing that
they would never be apart again...


Continued in Chapter 6