Ikea Is Temporary
by dashakay

Email: dashaxf@gmail.com

Rating: Teen/PG-13
Pairing: Mulder/Scully
Word Count: 1,000

Summary: After the Lululemon blonde ran over her foot 
with the massive stroller, Scully began to wish she had 
her real gun and at least two milligrams of Ativan. 

Note: Post-revival fic. Super fluffy curtainfic.


"Put down the gun, Mulder," she said, backing slowly 
away and nearly colliding with a Lululemon-clad blonde 
pushing toddler twins in a stroller the size of a 
Hummer.

Pouting, he set the gun down and she snatched it away, 
safe from his hands. "I was just having fun," he 
complained.

"We're not here for fun and you know it." She pressed 
her lips together firmly.

All around them, the crowd writhed and undulated like 
demons in a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Coming to the 
Woodbridge Ikea on a Saturday afternoon was a very, very 
bad idea. After the Lululemon blonde ran over her foot 
with the massive stroller, Scully began to wish she had 
her real gun and at least two milligrams of Ativan. No, 
make it intravenous Ativan with a Stolichnaya chaser.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered under her breath as 
they pushed their cart through the throng. "We're not 
twenty-five. We're in our fifties and own plenty of 
stuff."

Mulder elbowed her ribs. "Outdoor furniture," he said, 
making it sound somehow erotic. "We have a back yard 
now. With actual grass and a patio."

They paused in front of a model of an outdoor sectional, 
brown "wood" and beige cushions. "What about the four-
seat Apllaro?" she asked, glancing at the price tag.

"Maybe a six-seat model?"

"We'd need to get six friends first," she said. "Besides, 
who's going to give us a six-hundred dollar outdoor sofa?"

Mulder sat down on the sofa and gave the cushion a 
bounce, his eyes both sleepy and suggestive at the same 
time. "I hear Skinner's making bank these days."

"Fine, fine." She zapped the sofa's code with the sadly 
non-lethal gun.

"Let's go to bedrooms," Mulder suggested. "We can test 
the mattresses. There's one called the Sultan Hansbro. 
Sounds pretty sexy, huh?"

She rolled her eyes. Must everything be about sex? Oh 
right, this was Mulder and it was just one of many 
things she loved about him.

"You act like you're not excited," he said, sounding 
vaguely hurt. 

"I am," she sighed. She squeezed his hand. "Just not 
right this minute when I'm wearing my uncomfortable 
boots, am developing a hot flash, and every single 
resident of Northern Virginia is within these terrifying 
walls."

He bent down to kiss the top of her head. "Ikea is 
temporary. Marriage is forever, Scully."

She stood on tiptoe to brush her lips against his. He 
tasted like Swedish meatballs and lingonberry sauce. "I 
think that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to 
me."

"Expect a lifetime of romance with me," he said and gave 
the shopping cart a push back into the teeming crowd. 


NOTE: I know that Ikea doesn't have a wedding registry 
so can we just play pretend?