Logjam by bellefleur Email: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com Rating: PG Spoilers: Post-ep for "Home Again" (10x02, aired as 10x04) Disclaimer: These characters are mine now. Chris Carter has created his own AU versions, and he and FOX can keep them. My Mulder and Scully never broke up and never will. And throwing the baby out with the trash was solely 1013's responsibility, not Scully's, and certainly not Mulder's. Summary: Mulder may remain silent, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have anything to say. ***** Mulder looked out over the serene surface of the water, and held his tongue. Now was not the time to speak, although there were so many things he could say. Mulder held the warm body of his partner secure against his side, thankful that after so many years together she readily accepted his comfort and no longer felt the need to pull away in order to prove she was strong. He knew she was strong. She had to be, for everything she had gone through during her life. But there was also a strength to her that he missed, a part of her that had disappeared when he did so long ago, during her pregnancy. A steel and resolve that once defined her hard edges. Motherhood had made her softer, but also less sure of herself. That was never as apparent as it was now. The sudden death of Maggie had left Scully vulnerable, and her frantic need to return to their case left her mind open to irrational associations that she would not otherwise make. She thought she had treated their son like trash, throwing him away to become someone's else problem? Mulder knew she still grappled with the guilt of giving up their son, but such a judgment on herself had seemed harsh, even for her. But hadn't Mulder himself wondered many times how she could give William up so easily, and whether maybe she was a little relieved when such a special child was no longer her responsibility? Although Scully would never use the label, William had clearly been an X-File. Only appropriate, it seemed, that the by-product of the two of them would be as amazing and unexplainable as any of their cases. Ever the skeptic, she had always resisted the idea that William was anything beyond normal, a miracle in the most ordinary sense. Only recently had she finally been able to admit what she had denied for so long: that the son of two people with more than just your average terrestrial DNA might be a bit out of this world himself. Yet the real salt in the wound, and the reason that Mulder knew he was better off holding his tongue instead of letting himself say something that they both would certainly regret, was her constant attribution of her decision to both of them. True, Mulder had gone out of his way to tell Scully time and again that he understood why she gave up William, that he knew she had no other choice, that he probably would have done the same thing, that she was a strong and loving mother to sacrifice her own happiness for the safety of her child. But what Mulder could never say to her is that not for a minute has he ever thought it was the only choice. He wishes he could have been there, that he could have done something, and he regrets that he was thousands of miles away, cowering in hiding instead of fighting to protect his family. But if only he had known, he would have come back for them and taken them into hiding with him. He would have died before he would have let anyone get their hands on his son. But maybe Scully knew that. Maybe that's why she never tried to contact him to get his permission. No, Mulder has not put this behind him. He has never forgotten their son. And while he does not really blame Scully for making a heart-wrenching decision that she thought was her only choice at the time, he has never agreed that it was the way to keep their son safe. And so, while he supports his partner, standing by to defend her against any enemy, even herself, Mulder has done what he has always done: he has continued his search, and kept his secrets, to protect Scully from heartbreak and hurt. If she knew what he knew about William, she would never forgive him for keeping this from her. But Scully has made her choice, and Mulder has made his. Scully told him that she would be there by his side when someday Mulder found the answers to his questions. What she doesn't realize is that their questions are the same now, and when she finds the answers to his questions, she will find the answers to her own. But that is a revelation for another day. Today, Mulder will be what his partner needs: a listening ear, a soft shoulder, and something to put her back up against. After all, he's her family. ***** Notes: Yes, I'm cryptically implying that Mulder knows something about the whereabouts or fate of William (insert your own head canon here), because the Mulder I know would never let something like that go.