Roosters by bellefleur Email: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com Rating: Only as naughty as your imagination. Warning: Here be some crazy fic based on some equally crazy spoilers for 10x04. Disclaimer: Bizarro Mulder and his bizarro friends are entirely the responsibility of Chris Carter. I'm living somewhere back in season 7, when life still made sense. Notes: This story is based on a filming location and possible related spoilers for episode 10x04 (August 4, 2015), and on the suggestion of a bachelor party by an anon at Perplexistan's Tumblr. For more explanation, see the notes at the end. ***** The force of the explosion at the art gallery had thrown Mulder into some kind of bizarro world. He wasn't sure if he was awake or he was dreaming, but all he could do was go with it. He couldn't remember how, or why, he found himself drinking whiskey at this country-and-western-themed bar, but here he was. With his once-and-former boss, and his three deceased friends, all of whom seemed perfectly comfortable with one another, and completely visible and tangible to everyone else, especially to the cowboy who had just spilled a beer right on Frohike's crotch. Mulder ignored the three amigos, who were using a pile of napkins to dry off Frohike, and leaned toward Skinner so he could be heard over the din of the live band. "Remind me again what we're doing here." "They're *your* friends, Mulder. I'm not the one who put them in charge of your bachelor party." Bachelor party? Mulder thought he should remember something like that. He looked down at his hand, where his wedding ring should be, but the finger was bare. He certainly remembered getting married to Scully, in a small, private ceremony far from--wherever "here" was. Mulder shrugged and took another hit from the whiskey. Maybe he would get to relive the wedding night too. The music changed and the lights dimmed. Langly piped up, "I think the real entertainment's about to start!" He let out a whistle, even though nothing new was happening on stage. Mulder looked down at the coasters on the table, trying to figure out where they were. Roosters Cabaret. "Cabaret"? They brought him to a strip club? Well, it was supposed to be a bachelor party, but he figured Scully must have no idea where he was or she never would've agreed to this. But Mulder wasn't too sure about the "Roosters" part of the name. Roosters... cocks...it didn't sound like the strippers were going to be female. Mulder took a closer look at the patrons around him. There were a lot of women here. Men too, but from their tight, white shirts and cowboy hats, he wasn't sure which side of the saddle they rode on, so to speak. He was starting to really hope this was just a dream, and maybe he could wake up before things got any worse. But his luck wasn't any better in the bizarro world than it was in reality. An emcee came to the microphone on the stage as the band finished their set. The lights on the stage got a little brighter, and a hush came over the crowd. "Howdy, y'all, Ladies and Gents!" A few hee-haws and whoops went up from the crowd. "As y'all know, tonight is ladies' night. But before we get started with the festivities, we have a special guest here tonight. I want y'all to give a big Roosters welcome to the bachelor-no-longer-to-be, Fox Mulder!" Suddenly Mulder was sitting in the glare of a spotlight, with a room full of people hollering and whistling, and staring right at him. "C'mon on up here, Fox! And bring yer buddies with ya!" Mulder quickly scanned the room for the nearest exit, but he couldn't see anything over the press of bodies all around, bodies that were now lifting him by the shoulders and pushing him in the direction of the stage. His only comfort was that his "buddies" were being reluctantly shoved right along with him. They were lined up in front of the stage, with the emcee right behind them, and a ten-gallon hat was ceremoniously plopped onto Mulder's head. The emcee called out with glee, "Fox and his bachelor party are gonna start off our dancin' tonight, Rooster style!" As the band struck up a lively country song, Mulder was struck with terror at what was expected of him. Did he somehow wake up in the middle of the Full Monty? He looked past the brim of the hat to see how the other guys were reacting to this. Frohike and Byers seemed just as uncomfortable as Mulder was. Langly appeared to be on the verge of throwing up. But Skinner was just smirking at him. At least, he thought Skinner was smirking; it was kind of hard to tell what was going on behind the full beard he was sporting. Mulder's terror became confusion and then an entirely different kind of embarrassment as the band started singing, and Skinner started dancing--line dancing, that is. Skinner seemed to know exactly what he was doing, right down to every two-step with his cowboy boots. Frohike and Byers were trying to follow along, although it was obvious they didn't have a clue how to line dance, and Langly was just side-stepping, trying to merge into the crowd. Mulder thought, what the hell. If he was dreaming, maybe he knew how to line dance too. He didn't. He tried to follow along with Skinner, always a step behind. It didn't help that his hat kept bumping into people, getting shoved to one side and then the other, usually over his eyes. "The dance floor is open! Everybody join in!" Mulder was never so relieved as to hear that announcement. The song continued with the next verse, and the open dance floor flooded with patrons, a lot of them in cowboy boots, and most of them falling into step easily, as if they had all come from the same dance class that Mulder had missed. With people on every side and the stage behind him, Mulder had no choice but to stay out there on the dance floor, in the middle of the organized chaos. When he could see past his hat, he did his best to at least turn in the right direction, and every once in a while, he managed to get in a stomp or a clap at the same time as everyone else. By the time the song ended, he was dizzy and sweaty, and having the time of his life. Mulder threw his arm over Skinner's shoulder and said into his ear, "Where did you learn how to dance like that?" "There's a lot about me you don't know, Mulder." "No kidding." Mulder caught sight of Byers gesturing to an escape route through the crowd, and Mulder was quick to follow. Relieved as he was that this club didn't turn out to be what it sounded like, Mulder wasn't too keen on being in the middle of the next dance. Eventually all five of them managed to rendezvous back at their table, and Skinner gestured to a waitress for another round of drinks. As they took their seats, Mulder took off his hat and settled it on Skinner's head. Somehow, it belonged there. Skinner tipped the hat back, like a real cowboy, and said, "I take it you've never been line dancing before?" "I grew up on Martha's Vineyard. Do I *look* like I've been line dancing before?" The waitress returned with their drinks. While she distributed them around the table, Mulder leaned across and asked Frohike, "Why the hell did you pick this place?" Frohike shrugged. "Ask Langly. I told him to find a strip club." "Dude, you told me to find a cabaret. This is a cabaret." Mulder ignored the two as they fell into bickering, and he sat back with his beer to just enjoy the moment for what it was. He was at a table full of friends, friends who somehow at this moment were alive and well and acting completely like he remembered them. He could listen to the three of them squabble all day. He just wished Scully were here to enjoy it too. And then there was Skinner. Cowboy Walter. He too was alive and well, and acting nothing like Mulder remembered, but he looked completely content, and the least-stressed that Mulder had ever seen him. Maybe the man had finally decided to retire and was living on a ranch somewhere. Mulder could see that. Was he asleep? Was he dreaming? Or would he stay in this place long enough to walk down the aisle with Scully again, this time in front of their friends and family? Time would only tell. But for this moment, Mulder reveled in a little bit of heaven. Cowboy style. ***** Notes: The location where the XF revival was seen filming is called Roosters Country Cabaret (the name used in the episode will possibly/likely be something different). From what I can tell online, it is a country-and-western dance club/restaurant. However, from the name of it, it sounds more like a male strip club. I have no idea what will be happening in this episode, but based on the suggestion that the guys are here for Mulder's bachelor party, I had just had to write a fic about it. Visit my stories at: https://bellefleur1013.wordpress.com Send feedback to: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com