Vespers Nine
by Scarlet


FEEDBACK: badforthefish@yahoo.co.uk

DISTRIBUTION: yup.

SPOILERS: XF2 - I Want To Believe trailer.

TIMELINE: 6 years after The Truth.

RATING: PG.

GENRE: MSR/ANGST. 

DISCLAIMERS: I keep mine, you keep yours, Chris.

THANKS: to Marzipan, for kicking the ass of those dodgy 
foreign typos.

SUMMARY: He needs her on this.

NOTES: It struck me as an interesting insight into Scully's 
head that - if the rumors turn out to be true - she would 
chose to work with sick children. 

CAUTION: Scully here is a pediatrician. Sorry Phil.


Did I mention it's ANGST? 



~~~

"Scully, I need you on this with me."

"And that's what scares me."

"Come on, it'll be just like old times."

I stare at him. He is at once familiar and new. The lines 
on his face are new, the silken tones he's using to 
convince me to follow him into madness again are not. But 
the Scully he's calling out to - the one who could not 
resist the Sirens' chants - drowned a long time ago. The 
one standing before him is firmly strapped to the mast of 
her new ship and won't make the same mistake again. 

"There's nothing about old times I feel like experiencing 
again."

I see the hurt blossom in his eyes like an old stain. I 
reach out for his hand. His watch is new too.

"Mulder, that's not what I meant; you know that."

He looks at our joined hands for a while and then removes 
his from my grasp, slowly, deliberately. A statement of 
facts.

"You once said that apart from the Flukeman thing you 
wouldn't have changed a thing. What happened to that?"

The silk is gone.

"That was before."

I don't have to explain. I never had to explain. He never 
asked and I never volunteered. I thought not talking about 
it would make it go away, that I could forget, that we 
could forget; like a sad, sad dream dissolving in the 
morning light. 

But from all this unsaid, something was sown and grew. 
Something hard, relentless and twisted like an ivy root. We 
tried to ignore it at first. We were after all the experts 
at denial; and we loved each other - so much - it would be 
enough. It had to be. It should have been. 

It wasn't.

Mulder shoves his hand in his pockets a grim look on his 
face. 

"So you won't help, then?"

I sigh and wipe my hands on the side of my scrubs.

"I didn't say that. Just...let me time to think. What -?"

Two small arms have suddenly materialised around my thighs, 
and I struggle to keep my balance for a few seconds. I look 
down and smile at my youngest patient, "Hi, sweetie."

The little boy peers at Mulder from behind my legs. "Who's 
that?"

I stroke his blonde hair, "Jeremy, say hello to Mulder."

Jeremy releases one of my legs. "Hi, are you Dr. Scully's 
boyfriend?"

Mulder laughs and crouches down to be eye level with him.

"What would you say if I were?"

The boy shrugs "I don't know. But she's gotta look after me 
first; she's my doctor you know?"

"Is she?"

Jeremy nods seriously. "She's even given me a baseball 
cap."

"Has she? Which team?"

"The Yankees."

Mulder looks up at me; memories go back and forth between 
us fast as a shuttle on a loom. I take Jeremy by the 
shoulders and give him a gentle push.

"Go back to your room, honey. I'll be there in a minute."

Jeremy nods, shoves his thumb in his mouth and disappears 
down the corridor.

Mulder stands back up. "What's wrong with him?"

"Wilm's tumor. Kidney cancer. He's starting chemo tomorrow 
morning."

His gaze turns hard. "Watching little boys with cancer die? 
Is that what you call moving on? Christ, Scully." He 
abruptly swivels away from me, slapping a hand over his 
eyes and shaking his head.

"I don't expect you to understand."

He marches back towards me, invading my personal space like 
he used to do. I miss my heels.

"Oh, I understand. Good catholic girl like you?  It's all 
about penance, isn't it?"

He jumps when I lift a hand to touch his face - he probably 
was expecting me to hit him. I let my fingers run over his 
cheek. I know this. His anger, his passion. I missed this. 
The tethers binding me to the mast are growing loose and I 
can hear songs in the wind.

"No, Mulder, not penance. Redemption."

~~~

The End.




Scarlet Baldy's fanfiction:
http://undertherug.insatiable-mind.net